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Reference to the thread of dreading shabbos



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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 6:24 pm
I am officially upset now. I always loved shabbos and recently people here are posting that they want to skip shabbos?! I am so totally upset. it bothers me. I dont think these pp want to skip shabbos, am appalled by this. why would you put skipping shabos as the cure of all the problems? I think its not an argument. I love love love shabbos I wouldnt trade it for a thing in the world! I hate the work before it. I dont have cleaning ladies (its a diff discussion) and I have a lot to clean and do. but skip shabbos?! never. ever. I hope I am not affending someone I dont mean to. it hurts to see it.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 6:30 pm
We see a very elaborate standard being set for shabbos here on Ima. Many courses and huge amts of food. Understandably it's got to be difficult to do that kind of prep and wrangle many children at the same time. Why wouldn't someone become disheartened at times?

I'm more concerned that women understand how a simplified shabbos can work for them and their busy lives and lower their stressors.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 6:37 pm
Right, I didn't read the other threads but I would assume it's the preparations, cooking and cleaning, that women don't like
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LiLIsraeli




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 6:47 pm
I find it hard to do everything for Shabbos. That includes cooking, cleaning, being home with the kids all day Friday, setting everything up, bathing the kids, in addition to feeding them and paying attention to them on Friday. There are weeks where I wish I could skip all of the prep. Not skip shabbos, but buy takeout and have someone else do all the preparations. Not like it's gonna happen, but I can fantasize, right?
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imorethanamother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 6:53 pm
OP, I see a lot of mothers that don't like shabbos are the ones with some shalom bayis issues as well. Since shabbos really is about family, I can understand why it feels painful.
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Shani88




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 8:44 pm
Op, calm down. Nobody on that other thread wants to actually skip shabbos. But the work required before, during, and after can be very stressful! For women who are expected to cook large meals, host many guests or not, be home with their kids with no chance to nap, clean up non stop, it's not easy to look forward to shabbos. I for instance love shabbos, but there's no way I could say that I love the hours of prep involved beforehand (and we often do a very very simple and basic shabbos).
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 9:15 pm
I had a set of years that I dreaded Shabbos. It wasn't the prep. It was setting the table when dh got home from shul so he could hold onto the toddler so she would pull everything down, until the people sitting at the table could defend it. It was several kids who desperately needed structure being at ends on long afternoons, with needs that conflicted each other. It was a special needs kid that needed his electronics but knew enough to know he shouldn't use them, and who ran away from me whenever I took the kids outside while the toddler ran the other way. It was a young kid who never fell asleep before 10:30 and another who never woke up after 5:30, with no art supplies, headphones in bed or videos to entertain them.

Sometimes, a perfect storm of a combination of kids can make Shabbos very hard, even when the parents work together. Life happens. Hopefully it passes.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 9:23 pm
Babyblue amother, I totally hear what you're saying. I have a SN kiddo too, and she is really a handful on Shabbos.

I've overheard her say to her non Jewish friends "I HATE SHABBOS!". When I asked her what she hated about it, she gave me some really good reasons. There are hardly any Jewish girls her age in our community, and most of them are snobby and cliquish. Her non Jewish friends all want to do stuff that she's not allowed to do. She can't go on the computer and play games, and she can't Skype her friends in her international home schooling group. She's an only child, and she's bored out of her mind, (and she takes it out on me and DH.)

The only thing I can do, is remind her that she doesn't actually hate Shabbos, because if there was lots to do and lots of friends, Shabbos would be her favorite day. IYH soon we'll be living in an area with lots of new girls for her to meet, and parks nearby, so things will be much happier for her.
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 9:40 pm
sourstix wrote:
I am officially upset now. I always loved shabbos and recently people here are posting that they want to skip shabbos?! I am so totally upset. it bothers me. I dont think these pp want to skip shabbos, am appalled by this. why would you put skipping shabos as the cure of all the problems? I think its not an argument. I love love love shabbos I wouldnt trade it for a thing in the world! I hate the work before it. I dont have cleaning ladies (its a diff discussion) and I have a lot to clean and do. but skip shabbos?! never. ever. I hope I am not affending someone I dont mean to. it hurts to see it.

I'm sorry that you're officially upset, and good for you that you loved Shabbat.
We are required to remember and to keep Shabbat, not to love it. Imamothers are human and some of them have struggles that you may not understand in regards to Shabbat and the stresses it causes.
Please try to be more understanding and don't let it affect your happiness. It's a mitzvah to be happy. Smile
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 23 2015, 10:24 pm
Yea, can't relate. After a full work week I just need to rest my body and mind. DH helps with shabbos prep and we have low expectations.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 24 2015, 4:45 am
I don't "hate" it but I hate how an oneg day easily turns into sick in bed from the noise (and the heat, when my a/c had to be emptied several times a day hence not shabesdik).

My non /fully shomer friends don't relate either, because they push and carry on shabbes though some of them do'nt drive... or some will only carry for the kids not themselves... if they're unwell they'll turn on a fan maybe... etc
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 24 2015, 6:47 am
imorethanamother wrote:
OP, I see a lot of mothers that don't like shabbos are the ones with some shalom bayis issues as well. Since shabbos really is about family, I can understand why it feels painful.


Maybe, but it could also be that they're overwhelmed, with the preparations, and the children all Shabbos.
Those years are a blur. Over the years I've tried not only to streamline, but not to leave all the prep for Friday.
As for the kids, yes, I spent years of Shabbos at the playground, walking kids to friends, giving out Shabbos party, hoarding garage sale finds to take out on the long Shabbasos through the summer, got out books for the kids....(And if you're wondering where my husband was, since we didn't use the eruv he stayed at home with the current baby while I was out with the other kids.) The payoff is that my kids (at least most of them, and I haven't point blank asked them all) have good memories of Shabbos And now I go to shul, and shiurim, or read uninterruptedly.

So while you're right, in that SB can definitely exacerbate the tension, the tension is there regardless. Now how to transform one's mindset and reality from tense to pleasant is another thing...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 24 2015, 9:40 am
It's not about shalom bayis unless it is.
Let's not stereotype on SO.MANY. moms.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:08 am
do you have an eruv? The years where I had several small children and was never able to go to shul were really not fun.
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