How I make a low-stress Shabbos

amother

Mauve

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:31 am

I'm looking at the Shabbos threads, and I have little kids and totally get the dread and the stress, especially with the long summer afternoons. I've now come up with a system for as little stress as possible and would like to share it, because maybe it will help someone who is tearing their hair out right now.
1. I don't clean for Shabbos. At all. I only do the kind of cleaning that has to be done daily- cleaning up any food that ends up not in a stomach or in the garbage, because it's unhygenic to leave it. Other than that, no cleaning. My home gets cleaned each day during the rest of the week, and there's no reason to add to my to-do list on Fridays.
2. If I'm not having guests (which is most of the time), I can cook all the food in just 30 minutes of "active time" (obviously some of the food takes a little longer to cook, but while it's cooking, I'm not doing anything). You read that right, 3-0 minutes. Friday night is a chicken and vegetable dish baked in the oven and rice. Soup in the winter. Fruit for dessert. Occasionally I will make a real dessert, something with a simple no-fuss batter you can just stick in the oven. Lunch is chulent. Both meals I have bagged salad and dressing. Shalosh seudos is just sandwiches- cheese in the summer, tuna in the winter. Challah is usually bought, but if I do make it, the amount you need to make to take challah with a bracha is enough to last a few weeks, so it's anyway not something that has to be done every week. I use as much disposable as possible.
3. I don't clean up after the kids on Shabbos unless the mess involves food, drink, or bodily fluids. Otherwise, I leave it. It's my day of rest too.
4. I actually do use real dishes on Shabbos, but it's not that much to wash since I cook mostly in tin pans and have a dishwasher. But disposable is always an option when even that seems too overwhelming. My kids are small, so the nice china has been put away for the time being.
Hope people find this helpful!

amother

Papaya

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:38 am

I love this. However, my kids and husband would so not appreciate it. Anyone else? I need like a modified version, lol! My family likes a neat, clean house and food that's a bit nicer than what we have during the week (quick chicken, rice veggies). I am not complaining, just throwing it out there. Shabbos prep does make me tired. I wish there was a middle ground. For me, that would be total throw-in-the-towel mode!

amother

Slategray

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:44 am

OP what a lovely post! thank you for sharing.

good for you! it took me quite a few years of trying to have that "perfect" house and meal to realize it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life.

I do most of what you do. However, I do try to make as much as possible in advance in bulk so I can freeze. That way for most weeks, I have food that is more "shabbosdik" than the weekday chicken & rice. For us, it works. I do like fresh food better, but me being calm is worth more than a fresh kugel. Thankfully, my dh agrees! And my kids are none the wiser Smile

SingALong

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:58 am

I try to most of my cooking Thursday so there's less to do Friday
Thursday I'll do potato kugel, apple crumble, fish, clean chicken, peel vegetables needed for cooking Friday and soak beans for cholent. All cooking things I put into dishwasher so it's clean by Friday.
Friday I cook soup, cholent, eggs and peel and cut veggies needed for salads on shabbos.

I do stock up in freezer chicken soup, pot kugel apple crumble and noodles for soup so I don't always need to make those. I rarely make desert, just cut up fruit.

Friday night with little ones asleep I use real dishes, and place into dishwasher to stay for rest of Shabbos. Shabbos day I use plastic. Shalosh seudos for kids is sandwiches and cut veggies. I'll make DH some mashed avocado, Caesar salad, and leftover salmon if there is.
I try to recruit the kids to clean up toys but usually house is a wreck by the end. I just clean Sunday.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 10:58 am

Advance cooking!
I NEVER make challah on Friday. (Or even Thursday) and one batch lasts about a month (we're not huge bread/challah eaters) so only make it every few weeks. A different week of the month I make a large batch of potato kugel and freeze (tightly seal when freeze, reheat from frozen uncovered in a hot oven with some water poured on top and it's almost as good as fresh- other kugels can be heated covered without the water. Ditto for soups, other kugels, homeade Applesauce, cookies, cakes etc...
Invest in a large freezer to save your sanity and Shabbosim. Spread your shabbos prep over the week and always make enough for a few weeks at a time. For example, Sunday I'll bake cookies. A few get eaten, the rest into the freezer for Shabbos. Tuesday I'll make carrot soup for supper (we're not chicken soup only here) and the rest goes into containers for Shabbos meals (or other suppers!)

Thursday night the things that don't freeze well like rice, quinoa or Roasted vegetables gets made (like to have some healthier non kugel side dishes). All that's left for Friday us to put my chicken and fish in the oven (marinated the night before), put up my Chulent, and cut up salads (sometimes I do some of that on Shabbos). I don't make simple Shabbosim but I'm not overwhelmed either because I'm not doing everything at once!

smss

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 11:35 am

I cook extremely simply but I can't not clean for Shabbos. It's stressful for me to be surrounded by mess, that wouldn't lower my stress levels Smile

By cleaning I just mean sweeping, mopping if necessary, doing dishes and picking up clutter. I NEED to do those things to feel relaxed.

Definitely cooking & freezing, and starting Thurs night both help a lot!

Last edited by smss on Fri, Jul 24 2015, 11:39 am; edited 1 time in total

mha3484

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 11:38 am

I alternate between two types of weeks, either I spread shabbos a little each day and have a bit more elaborate meal or I make a more simple meal but spend only about 2 hrs on food prep in one shot. Each week is different. This week is the second. I plan to spend an hour or two prepping and everything should cook in the oven at the same time and temp.

In the winter, I make big batches of chicken soup to freeze as well. I try to prep the chicken I buy before freezing so all I need to do is spice and cook. My goal is to cook as many parts of the meal together in one pot as possible. I do a chicken/rice/veggie combo or chicken/potato/veggie or a meatball or stew dish.

As for cleaning, ideally I try to clean as I go about my day. Not always successful but I try so Friday is not anymore stressful than any other day. I turned erev shabbos straightening up into a game with my 4 year old. We go on a muktzah hunt and we race to see who can clean up more before the timer goes off.

I have a preschooler and baby so my child care stresses are a bit different. Every shabbos when DH comes home, I take a 20 min walk alone. Its amazing. When I come back we eat lunch. I call it my sanity saver. I also make a point to take my older son to the park when the baby and DH nap. He gets one on one time with me and comes home wiped out so bed time is much easier. I have been doing this since he could walk (we dont use the eruv).

tichellady

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 12:25 pm

I like having guests and good food and I don't have room for a good freezer so my solutions to staying sane are either cooking Thursday night and having a cleaning person come on Friday or trying to do as much as prep on Shabbat day itself with a few quick things on Friday. For example, crab salad, spiralized zucchini or cucumber salad, corn salad, fresh rolls with rice paper and peanut sauce, can all be made on Shabbat ( yes I have asked my Rav). Before Shabbat I put up a cholent or chicken in the crockpot ( if I buy cleaned marinated chicken this takes two minutes). For Friday night dinner I do a whole roast chicken with baby potatoes which is special because I don't make whole chicken during the week.

Raisin

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 1:01 pm

I never make chicken during the week, except for things like schnitzle or stir fry or shabbos leftovers so for us plain baked chicken is shabbos food. I don't do anything fancy to it - usually I make the 40 clove garlic chicken which is very easy and my kids love the garlic sauce.

I always have guests and I never know how many so most of these things don't work for me.

But:

I try and shop wednesday so on thursday I can make dessert.

my cleaner comes on fridays.

I make extra and freeze.

I don't make a lot of salads. (I find these very time consuming but maybe its just me)

ra_mom

Fri, Jul 24 2015, 1:44 pm

I shop and unpack on Wednesday for the entire week. Not just for shabbos.

Thursday night I cook, minimally, for shabbos. Each week I stick gefilte fish in the oven, cook up eggs, mix defrosted broccoli with a spoon into a kugel, measure out seasonings for cholent. And then I make one "big" thing a week; I alternate between cooking chicken soup, soaking cholent beans and cooking up lokshen. I freeze in portions for the other weeks. For dinner that night I serve a huge salad topped with cheese and egg and the dressing is soaked up with warm baguettes, so no cooking for Thursday night dinner (I use hard eggs from shabbos cooking and stick the store bought baguettes in the oven for a few minutes). Dips and challah are bought. Salad is made with bagged lettuce on shabbos.

Friday we wash everything down. Stick the broccoli kugel in the oven to bake fresh. Plug in the crockpot with the prepared cholent. And broil the steak.

Zehu. We love shabbos and enjoy the good shabbos food too.

Mrs Bissli

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 4:49 am

amother wrote:

In that case, THEY have to be the one to pitch in and clean the house/help cooking.

I have higher 'dust/mess tolerance level' than my DH, ergo it's his job to hoover the house Fri afternoon. Anyone 3yrs and older can help with Shabbat preparation, and children do that with relish.

einstern

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:41 am

I LOVE this thread.
So nice to hear from other mothers.
I too try to make as much as possible on Thursday night (marinate chicken, kugel, soup in the winter, cake or cookies, desserts...)
On Friday I only do the fish, stick the chicken in the oven and assemble the salads. I always think on Thursday night "oh great, tomorrow I'll only have so little to do" and STILL end up hustling and bustling on Friday until right before shabbos. My DH told me last week what a terrible time management I have... I guess he is right!
Shabbos is always very very special here and I try to make the fanciest food possible. We do not have any kosher restaurants here so I try to really treat my family and guests. Plus there is no eruv so we cannot go to other families either.
BUT I try to have guests not every seuda so I do not totally go insane. The women's shiur on shabbos day helps with that, just getting out of the house and having some cake I didn't bake myself for a change...

sitting

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:59 am

lovely to read other ppls tips. I too shop wed. then wed and thurs I do all messy jobs...kugals cakes challahs...and often fish just to get it out the way.
fri is left for chicken and starch and salads get done on shabb morn. I usy buy a bag of spinach leaves and add to it plus a fresh salad.
I also bulk cook at least once a wk...x4. deli roll, meat pastry, boreka, salmon en croute, kugal, cakes, pies....so I always have sruff in freezer to pu out each shabb to make for less thur/fri cooking.
my kids eat baby potatoes erev shabb, I spice and out in oven bf going up to shower them. by the time kids are all showered and changed the potatoes r ready. kids eat while watching and then I can go up and bathe. I dont dress ppl fri eve...its shabb pjs for boys and robes for girls.

rainbow dash

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 9:51 am

I have a cleaner wed. On Thursday I do all the shopping and at night I'll cook the soup,chicken,kegel,gefillta,compt, soak the beans,tidy up the house, bath everyone.

Friday I cook the cholent and salmon. Heat everything up so that its all on the blech 2 hrs before shabbos and I feed the kids the main meal. They stay up till after the soup then they go to bed.

After the morning sudah I go to the park for 4 hrs cause if not they are to difficult at Home.

After the park they eat breakfast food and then in bed around 830-9. Then I can clean up a bit or crash on the couch reading or sleeping.