Is it possible to get a get without a civil divorce?

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 5:02 pm

I mean, to stay civilly married but not religiously?

Just wondering.

cnc

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 5:29 pm

Yes of course. What exactly is your question? Morally? Legally?
I know a few people that had their Get before their civil divorce.

trixx

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 5:32 pm

but legally you must get divorced before civilly remarrying or else it's bigamy under the law

mha3484

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:12 pm

My local Beis Din will only arrange a get when the civil divorce is completed unless there are unusual circumstances. Even then they are loathe to do it.

amother

Natural

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:32 pm

Every situation is different.

I have a friend who was given her Get first, but only because her husband was already dating other women. I would imagine there are also cases where custodial/financial matters in the civil divorce may make a man withhold the Get, so the Beis Din may give them first as well.

33055

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:34 pm

mha3484 wrote:

My local Beis Din will only arrange a get when the civil divorce is completed unless there are unusual circumstances. Even then they are loathe to do it.

I see the opposite here all the time. The BD works out the divorce and the get and then the couple goes to civil court. Interesting that your BD won't do it.

amother

Blue

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:39 pm

mha3484 wrote:

My local Beis Din will only arrange a get when the civil divorce is completed unless there are unusual circumstances. Even then they are loathe to do it.

That makes no sense. Civil divorces can take awhile to be completed and it seems unfair to make the couple wait for get, especially given the issue of get refusal. If things get nasty in court, one of them may then use the get as leverage. Most people I know take care of the get long before settling the civil stuff. Perhaps you mean the BD makes sure they've FILED in civil court? That makes more sense.

amother

Gold

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 7:51 pm

I found out from a teacher in my elementary school that my recently divorced father who was engaged to be remarried was doing so despite the fact that he and my moms divorce was not yet final. Stupid teacher reckless father

amother

Lavender

Sun, Jul 26 2015, 8:14 pm

mha3484 wrote:

My local Beis Din will only arrange a get when the civil divorce is completed unless there are unusual circumstances. Even then they are loathe to do it.

Really why? My bd arranged the get a few months before the civil since these things can take months to years. It was great closure for me since we were already living separately, I could uncover my hair etc.

Op, you want to remain legally married but halachically divorced specifically? Why?

smilingmom

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

In NYS, there are several reasons to remain legally married, even if you have a get. The most practical one is that 60 days after a judgement of divorced is signed, you can not be covered by your ex-spouses family medical insurance plan. COBRA is very expensive, so if you do not plan to remarry, you may want to remain legally separated, but still married.

A few Batei dinim perform the Get but do not distribute the Get document to the wife until the civil divorce is signed. This way the husband gave the get, and cannot use it as leverage, but the civil divorce must be completed, before they are free to date and remarry.

Fox

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 4:33 pm

amother wrote:

This.

My DH has assisted in a number of situations where divorce was imminent, and his primary goal is *always* to make sure the get is given before *any* other negotiations take place.

In one case, the divorce started very amicably but turned really nasty later on. Had the woman not received her get initially, I have no doubt but that the ex-husband would have withheld it.

My observation is that a get really does bring a certain amount of closure to both parties that sometimes actually benefits negotiating the civil divorce.

mha3484

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 5:41 pm

You can call the CRC and ask them. My DH used to work as an eid for gitten. He was told the policy is to the civil first get second.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 6:14 pm

Different batei din take different approaches. The Beth Din of America (and I believe the CRC) encourages the giving of the get ASAP and then holds the ptur until the civil is finished. It's dangerous to give out the ptur w/o a civil because then someone can get remarried Religiously w/o a civil divorce. It's also dangerous to wait on get because generly, divorce brings out the worst in people and all of a sudden the withholding of the get becomes a threat. gOther batei din want to do the get at the end to wrap it all up at once. Unfortunately, this policy is often used to hold one side or the other hostage for $, custody etc...

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