My 3 year old ds is the kvetchyest kid you've head

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 7:25 am

I'm lost
My 3 year old ds cannot take one straight sentence out of his mouth. It makes me want to lock myself in a room, Run away or slap him. I've tried telling him I don't listen to kvetchyness, time out or explaining 100 times over to talk nicely to me- no success. I'm pretty sure he doesn't do it in school or by friends. I get very positive feedback about him. But at home he seems to let it out ALL THE TIME. For example- we were at the mall yesterday I treated him to rides bought him a drink and let him play by the indoor playground. A few times through out the day he turned to me "mommmmmmmy can we bla bla bla" I did not say a word. When we got home he screamed mommmmmmmmmy paaaaaaci mommmmy this mommmmy that I said to him I will not listen until u don't ask nicely then he started crying" buuuuuut mommmmmmmmy I'm asking niceeeely". This morning at 5:50 I woke up to him standing by my bed" mommmmmmmmy I wannnnnnnna watch" I said no watching u need to rest till later. Than at 6 something mommmmmmmmmy I yelled at him "why do u kvetch?!?!?!?!?baby doesn't kvetch mommy doesn't kvetch tatty doesn't kvetch only u kvetch" I told him he will need to go to the basement if that's the way he wants to talk.
What on earth can I do?????????????????

precious

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 7:44 am

Have you tried modeling? Every time he kvetches, even though it's the last thing u feel like, repeat his request in the tone/words you'd like to hear him say it.
You can tell him a story/ puppet show of a mommy and kvetchy child and show how hard it is to listen to kvetchy child and how easy to listen to one speaking in nice tone.
Then explain to him that u can't listen to kvetching, only nice talking.
Remind him throughout day by modeling, and he should hopefully imitate you. Then immediately give him what he asked and praise the way he asked.
Hope this helps. Good luck:)

JMM-uc

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 7:50 am

Kvetching can drive me nuts too.

What I do (and this really works) when the kid starts kvetching too much I explain that it's difficult for me to listen to him speaking in that tone. I repeat what he said in the correct tone. Next time he kvetches I will ask him "is there another way you can say that?" at the beginning you'll have to say it with him and tell him to repeat. When he know what you're expecting but still kvetches, simply ignore him until he uses the appropriate tone.

amother

Pink

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 8:01 am

Do you have other children? Because this is typical behavior that many 3 year olds have.

You better learn to tune out for a nice few years until he/she grows out of it, and stop trying to fix it or else you and your child will suffer.

And just FTR, I doubt you ever met such a kvetch like some of my kids😄

lizard8

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 10:43 am

When he kvetches you are giving him lots of negative attention. He knows when he does his thing Mommy is going to talk to me, react from me...
If he is mature enough to handle it, and you have the patience then try ignoring. When he is good and talks nicely, over-praise the way he is talking and behaving. When he kvetches, simply ignore him.
I tried to do this with ds, and totally ignoring didn't always work. When he was kvetching and didn't let up, I said out loud "There is a noise coming from somewhere, but I don't understand". I looked around and pretended to try to hear and not understand. He got pretty frustrated that I didn't know what he was talking about, so he talked clearer.
At the end of the day, he realized that he wasn't going to get anything out of me unless he talks nicely.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jul 28 2015, 12:37 pm

He's only three. They aren't too organized at this age. He is still very much a baby, though no longer a helpless non-verbal infant. He is in the very first stages out of that.

Yes, you are teaching him to kvetch.

His main instinct is to not be ignored.

He knows very well that attachment to, and importance in, his social group, is his only survival. Whatever gets the most wattage reaction is what you will see more of. Stop reacting strongly.

I suspect you of getting something out of it. We all would like to scream a little. He is giving you a reason, a place, to get out your own exasperations.

Be more physical?

Just hug and cuddle wordlessly when he starts, or stroke his hair (I am sure it's beautiful). Look him full in the face and smile. It does not matter how phony the smile is. Forcibly pull the sides of your mouth up, while making eye contact.

Complicated middos lessons are going right over this kid's head. He has no idea what "nicely" means; he has mastered some verbal patterns and, like many a graduate student, is parroting back what the authority wants to hear. Pattern organization is something children work with well. Only much later do they have any complicated grasp of what's going on.

Please stop making a mental list of what you did for him. He has no idea that playing and getting drinks and all isn't Life. Actually, it is Life.

Three may simply not be your favorite age. That's ok. I am sure it will all work out.

But you are kvetching too, a lot, and he is learning it from you.

The above can't be pleasant to read. Sorry. I don't mean to be mean.