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Time management for mothers - help?



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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 9:59 pm
So I picked up a book claiming to be about time management, thinking it was exactly what I needed. But the method and examples given sound like planning a vacation, not my life!

I have tried a few different ways of categorizing my Lists of Stuff to do. None of them has made me much more efficient. There are too many things to keep track of, I feel like I'm always missing something, losing something, and running around between things. I'm sure if I were more structured I could get more done with less stress.

I am not looking for time-saving tips like "as you clean up, put everything into a basket so you can bring it all at once to the rooms where they belong" or "plan menus so you can do all your shopping at once." I think we've actually had threads like that and they were indeed enlightening. But what I'm looking for is a system to keep "it all" together without getting dizzy from all the loose ends flying all over.

I feel a little foolish because I actually have a very small family and can't even imagine how people with many kids do any of this. But what I'm having difficulty with is planning/remembering/timing/keeping track of things like:
medical/dental/eye-care/etc appointments for self and children, forms from school arrived and need to be filled out, bills to pay, who needs new clothes/shoes/boots/coat/etc, which clothes/shoes/boots/coats need to be returned because they didn't fit, returning by mail, returning to store, phone calls to return, phone calls to make, phone calls for work, phone calls for things that I thought were taken care of but didn't seem to happen, phone calls to arrange the aforementioned appointments, phone calls to arrange referrals/payments/etc for the appointments, health/education/therapeutic ideas to look into, professional development ideas to look into, freelance work to do, freelance work to pursue/look for, housework that needs doing, non-urgent car repairs (urgent repairs, of course, stop the whole list dead in its tracks creating a different kind of list problem the next day)...
Somehow that even makes the list seem shorter, even though my head is already spinning. But that's just categories - realize that each of these includes a gazillion things.

I've tried sorting them by level of urgency, what they're for (family, work, finances), where they need to be done (phone, computer, home, "out") Have not yet found the system that works for me and I always feel a few frantic steps behind (at best.)

Anyone have it all together and can give me a crash course? In my previous life I was just sort of a natural at staying on top of things so I didn't need a regimented system, but this working-mother-homemaker life is waaaay beyond my brain capacity.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 10:05 pm
And here are some of the reasons my attempted systems never worked:
Things that weren't urgent yesterday are urgent today, while the urgent thing I didn't do resulted in some loss but is now not urgent again until next week.
Things on the for-work list need to be done at home, while things on the shopping list can be done in the same neighborhood as things on the appointment list.
20 items have the same priority level (red alert! Do right now!) while another 100 are "orange alert" level.
Certain things can only be done at certain times. Those times always get fouled up with something unexpected. There is never enough of those times. See problem #1 which is similar - if I didn't get the person on the phone by 8, then I need to try them again tomorrow, so I move them to tomorrow's list which is now very full...
Unless I separate my list by phone vs computer, which is a thought, I don't remember why it didn't work out, maybe because within each list I got too befuddled with 50 items each and growing every time I blink.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 9:33 am
I can give you ideas, but others will probably give you better ideas, so I will just say, RELAX, YOU'RE THINKING TOO MUCH!! I'm not yelling, just making a point.

Last edited by yo'ma on Wed, Jul 29 2015, 5:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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kollel wife




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:25 am
First of all - I just want to say - there's always what to do - Baruch Hashem - it doesn't get all done, and it's ok. We've never figured it all out and took care of everything!

I will try to answer with some small suggestions. (not an overall large plan)
One thing that helps me a lot in a "white board" in my kitchen where I write the important things I want to remember to do.
So when I come home and have some time, I will take care of those phone calls or urgent and semi-urgent things.
I also have a large wall calendar that you can write on with a permanent marker (from Staples) - so I can see all appointments, etc - glance at the week or the upcoming months.

I will allocate time to call and wait on hold and schedule all dental cleanings (for everyone) and then make appointments for all the upcoming fillings when leaving the appointment for the cleaning.
Figure out what hours you can do these appointments in advance - is the dentist there on Sunday or can you do evenings so you will know what to schedule when you are there.

Mail as I bring it in the house - if I don't need it, it's in the garbage - RIGHT AWAY. Otherwise I separate the bills and I have a place I keep them. Since I pay them on-line - (VERY TIME SAVING), I throw out the envelope and paperwork and just hold on to the bill (keep them in a certain spot, maybe near the computer) and can pay within a day or two.

Cleaning up, laundry etc gets done as much as possible in the evening or in the morning when I'm up early (which I usually am)

Shopping for kids - very hard to be perfect, have everything. Always something to run out of - next season to think about. It's ok not to have everything. Try to shop without them (or most of them). For a boy - does he always wear dark pants - you don't have to be so fancy with matching brown pants to brown striped shirt. Can you stick to a black pants?
Once you find a type you like - stick to that. Always get one type of socks as much a possible. I'm saying simplify a bit. Stick to a certain number of weekday or Shabbos things.

I'll try to think of more later.
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chatz




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:54 am
I think the problem with many time management systems is they're business based. They'll give you a great system for doing things - at work. As a mother, especially if you work, there's just too many things.

So I'm also looking for a good management system. A system is only good if you use it consistently.

I tried a physical planner made for mothers, which was somewhat good. Problem: I didn't carry it around with me. Plus it wasn't made specifically for working mothers, so I didn't have much space for work things. I also tried sticky notes app on my phone which worked until the lists got too long.

This is what I'm trying now:
-Wall calendar for important, non regular appointments, once scheduled. ie, doctors appointments, date school starts, birthday party, etc. I'm visual, so I need to see it.
-cloud based task/list program called Remember the Milk.
Good: list of tasks categorized by list, date, priority, and location. So you can sort the list any which way. If it's 8:00 pm, I look at today's list and postpone everything not doable today. Technically, I could make a list called "evenings" "phone calls" (hmmm worth trying). It's also great for reminders -If I need to fill out school papers but I don't have time this week, I put it as a task for next Wednesday and forget about it.
cons: not a calendar. It won't sort things by time. I also find that I have too much in Priority1 for today, so I need to learn to be realistic.
-I also do written lists for bigger goals. For example, I need to file taxes. Step 1 is to sort my business expenses. That's a specific task that goes on RTM. But I can't bog down the list with "file taxes". That's too big. So that goes in a separate notebook, along with the other big stuff (that may never get done until they're overdue and urgent).

Things is, stuff like laundry, cleaning, suppers, dishes - doesn't even make the list.

I think we just need to give ourselves a break...
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:55 am
Seeker, I totally feel your pain and dizziness. Modern life is full of so many nitty gritties. I almost consented to ADD meds (therapist who I'm seeing for different issues suggested it) but I am afraid I won't remember to take it LOL .
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:06 am
OP, first of all , u are right on target
because there are ALWAYS THINGS THAT NEED TO GET DONE AND WHEN YOU TOOK CARE OF SOMETHING THEN THERE IS ANOTHER THING TO DO

I dont have any solution but what I do is write everything down in terms of when to take to doctor
school forms.... and I have space to keep each list and keep checking

you could also use your phone's calendar for this...make to do list and put important dates/deadlines on phone calendar..

most of all, dont procrastinate when it comes to school forms/mail...because that will leave you with an overwhelming amount of things even more than usual

This may be impractical for you but if you could have table space or a desk with all your things to do like a folder with medical info and you write a big paper on top telling you to take child _ to dr __ on __ day and keep that paper on top of folder

then you might have school folder with info and keep paper on top telling you that the next school form is due on ___

etc. basically the entire desk would be filled with your different "lists" /important due dates for things and you would keep checking them

ex. I usually wait until the pay from work came in before I pay phone bills but I think I may forget to pay before the due date because as you said there are so many other things to do
so ILL LEAVE BILL OUT until it is paid so Yes I have my entire table space filled but then I can look and remember what I need to do

I think this helps with the remembering /planning aspect... but may be hard for people to have a desk or table space...

for shabbos when we use the table I take all my paper reminders" and bills and put them in one pile and then after shabbos I spread them out again and I have in front of me all the urgent things waiting to be done regarding appointments...

Like for example, I just had a baby so I have a paper reminding me about adding him to health insurance I wrote the details of what I faxed over and the date on the big paper (I have lots of scrap paper from kids school papers they dont use anymore) so I will remember to call and check on the status --when It is done I may log on my phone a note that I called and they said he is on the insurance and then I rip the paper up and put in recycling

I also have paper to remind me that I mailed the forms to add baby to the prescriptions part of insurance I wrote the date I mailed the forms and I keep checking the paper so soon I will call and ask them if they got the forms and if it was processed--when it is processed I will rip paper up and put on the list on my phone that I called on __ and they said it is processed

I also have to take my baby to specialist but cant take him now because I need wait for him be on insurance so I wrote another paper with the name of specialist I wrote that I called insurance and verified specialist is in my plan and I wrote his name number address... so that when my son is on insurance I will use info. on that paper to make the appointment

so you see if I keep checking that table space --I will see the insurance paper reminder and ill remember I have to call regarding that status --I will then see the prescription paper reminder and ill remember to call about that etc. each day I check to see if I can take care of anything else yet if not I keep the paper reminder

this is a lot of writing and may not be good for you but for me it works but yes there are SO MANY THINGS TO DO THAT SOME THINGS ARE IN MY JUST IN MY HEAD AND I DONT WRITE DOWN theat are not as urgent but I know I am a person and cant do everything
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:14 am
So I have tried the following, when I do it, it works.

I get myself a calendar, something like this. I have spent for the nicer and cuter one so I'll WANT to use it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ.....lpage


I used the earlier pages with post it tabs to make 4 lists.
This week
This month
In the next 6 months
Long term


I sat and put things in the correct list. I put "add a third bathroom" or "paint the house" even though it wont happen for at least a year or even 3.

I put things like "make dentist appoint", "invite guests for shabbos", "make dinner", and "exercise"

On Sunday I look at the long term and see if I need to move anything to any other list, then I look at the 6 month, etc.

Every night before bed I sit down for 3-5 minutes with the calendar and figure out my day with times
6:00-6:45 wake, shower, make up, vitamin, breakfast
6:45-7:30 get the kids out to school
7:30 - 8:00 catch up & DT (daily tasks - go through rooms do quick pick up)
8:00 - 9:00 take baby for walk and buy dinner
9:00- 9:30 put baby for nap and start dinner
9:30 - 10:00 prepare for math class
10:00 - 10:30 grade math papers
10:30 - 11:00 file house papers
11:00- 11:15 catch up
11:15-4:45 drive to work, work, carpool
4:45-7:30 homework, dinner, baths, bedtime
7:30 - 8:00 catch up & DT
8:00-9:00 wash dishes, make lunch
9:00-10:00 prepare for work
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 1:58 pm
Some interesting ideas.
I think one of my biggest problems is that because of the constant influx of urgent matters, and it's hard enough to stay on top of those, anything that's not urgent just never gets done. So, for example, dentist appointment for myself is on the "long term/not urgent" list but as a result I haven't been to a dentist in too many years and it's not a good thing. So I can give it a made-up due date but I really know it's made up, so when the date comes that I marked down to make a dentist appointment, I do the REAL urgent things for that day first and dentist continues to get bumped down (along with organizing papers - yes I know I should file them as they come in, I'm talking about the ones for which it's too late for that; ordering photo prints - for myself as well as for poor grandma who doesn't do internet and hasn't seen her grandkids or pics of them in ages; mopping the living room which really does need to get done, it's gross, but because it is not going to explode or fine me $1000 for being late it doesn't happen; get that pile of clothes to the gemach so I can stop tripping over it which also very much needs to happen but again it doesn't MUST HAPPEN TODAY like the credit card bill does so therefore it is last - I.e. never; and so on and so forth.)
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 2:31 pm
seeker wrote:
Some interesting ideas.
I think one of my biggest problems is that because of the constant influx of urgent matters, and it's hard enough to stay on top of those, anything that's not urgent just never gets done. So, for example, dentist appointment for myself is on the "long term/not urgent" list but as a result I haven't been to a dentist in too many years and it's not a good thing. So I can give it a made-up due date but I really know it's made up, so when the date comes that I marked down to make a dentist appointment, I do the REAL urgent things for that day first and dentist continues to get bumped down (along with organizing papers - yes I know I should file them as they come in, I'm talking about the ones for which it's too late for that; ordering photo prints - for myself as well as for poor grandma who doesn't do internet and hasn't seen her grandkids or pics of them in ages; mopping the living room which really does need to get done, it's gross, but because it is not going to explode or fine me $1000 for being late it doesn't happen; get that pile of clothes to the gemach so I can stop tripping over it which also very much needs to happen but again it doesn't MUST HAPPEN TODAY like the credit card bill does so therefore it is last - I.e. never; and so on and so forth.)


Vermillion Amother here:

I think also a difference between you and me (not a bad thing just different)

After baby 2 I didnt go to the dentist for 1 year, finally when the baby was a year old I found myself able to make an appointment for the dentist. I went from a tooth being fine to a double cavity. Then the tooth continued to go bad and within a year or so needed a root canal.

Since then I realized going to the dentist is not like dropping off the cleaners, its like getting a mammogram (mother died of breast cancer so I take any change in my breast seriously and I get myself checked out. I would never say "oh I cant go for a mammogram today because the appointment is during work, I'll take the day off"). No, I wouldnt take a day off for a dentist appointment but I do schedule my dentist appointments 1-2 months in advance to make sure I have babysitting that day, I'm not missing work, etc. because in my mind its that important.

As for MY grandma, she just died 3 months ago. During the last 5 (maybe more) years I have made it a priority for her to get a photobook from me once a year, and when I knew my father or a sibling would be going to visit I spent the time to click on pictures to have printed and sent home and I would get a photo album at the dollar store, put them in and have it brought to her (single pictures end up in a box and never get looked at, she prefered the books/albums so she could display them). I have NO REGRETS. I decided to make a point of doing that because otherwise she wouldnt know my kids if she passed them on the street and I wanted to make sure she knew my kids. That was as important as my kids getting their yearly physicals.

Mopping floors, using real dishes, baked chicken (over chicken nuggets) ..... would wait for both of these.

To me both examples you gave are family based. To me family comes before cleanliness. I need myself and my kids taken care of first. I put myself before my kids because if I am in bed sick I cant help them. It is in my kid's best interest that their great-grandmother can feel she knows them and therefore give them directed attention.

I also have to say that paying the bills is not my "job" it's on my dh's list.

There was a time when my dh would come home from work and he would ask "did you call the plumber? the ddr office about the bill? etc?" and I would say no (I have a fear of making all these calls). He would get angry saying "I asked you to do something for me and you didnt" I realized my not accomplishing those tasks were not about a to do list but about my dh's "feelings", and again that goes back to family.

After a couple of months of being on top of everything I feel like I want to "take a break" or "a day off" and that is where it gets tough. I feel like even if we accomplish 50% or 80% of what we wanted to each day, how can we take a day off because the next day the list gets longer. This is a constant inner battle that I have. There are days that my dh wants to take off from work and spend the day with me (meaning I take a day off of life and work). I use to complain how hard it will be. Then I realized I was hurting my dh's "feelings" again. So I started taking those days off for him. In the end it gave me the reboost I needed. I learned that however much taking a day off sounds counterproductive, it was the best thing for me. At this point I tell him "plan a day off in a few weeks from now because I need the day before I hit "rock bottom" that place where I feel worn out. I give myself a reboost right before my mind/body asks for it.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 2:40 pm
Yeah I am in the needing a day off dilemma, have not figured out how to take them before it's an emergency.

Family comes before cleanliness here too, not sure where you got a different impression from my post where I said that you can practically get quicksanded into the dirt on my floor because I am too busy with other things to deal with it until it starts to bite.
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 3:37 pm
Of course you need a good planner... (And, of course I make the best one, The Balabusta's Daily Organizer).
Urgent items belong on your weekly to-do list.

The real trick here is to keep up, to not let everything just sit until it all becomes overwhelming.

You can divide the to-do lists into work and family, but you don't have to (using different colors for different categories or different levels of urgency is another organizational trick). You can use the monthly to-do list for less urgent tasks like making that dentist appointment. Longer-term goals can go into the "notes" section and then more specific sub-goals can be put in monthly or weekly.

File shelves like these can keep your papers sorted: http://www.amazon.com/DecoBros.....AGHM1
Label the the shelves/slots by category and/or urgency. Train yourself to file papers immediately before they have a chance to become a mess.

medical/dental/eye-care/etc appointments for self and children,
Noted in planner with patient/Dr/time

forms from school arrived and need to be filled out
In slot in shelf organizer

bills to pay

Different shelf in desk organizer. Select payment day/days and note them in the planner

who needs new clothes/shoes/boots/coat/etc,
Monthly to-do list in planner

which clothes/shoes/boots/coats need to be returned because they didn't fit,
Weekly to-do. Or write it on the the day you you'll have time to care of it.

returning by mail, returning to store, phone calls to return, phone calls to make, phone calls for work, phone calls for things that I thought were taken care of but didn't seem to happen, phone calls to arrange the aforementioned appointments, phone calls to arrange referrals/payments/etc for the appointments,
all weekly to-do items

health/education/therapeutic ideas to look into, professional development ideas to look into, freelance work to do, freelance work to pursue/look for
Try making a Goals section in the "Notes" pages; then put specific things to do on the weekly or monthly to-do list

housework that needs doing
Weekly Routine in Quick reference section of planner

non-urgent car repairs (urgent repairs, of course, stop the whole list dead in its tracks creating a different kind of list problem the next day)...
Monthly to-do...unless/until it becomes urgent.

B'hatzlacha!
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 3:56 pm
seeker wrote:
Yeah I am in the needing a day off dilemma, have not figured out how to take them before it's an emergency.

Family comes before cleanliness here too, not sure where you got a different impression from my post where I said that you can practically get quicksanded into the dirt on my floor because I am too busy with other things to deal with it until it starts to bite.


I wasnt at all suggesting that cleanliness comes before family.

I was just saying that I have decided to look at items on my to do list differently.
me getting a teeth cleaning is JUST AS IMPORTANT as making dinner.

Thats it.

It wasnt always that way. But it is now. And I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY (not yelling just stressing) for making it important.


One other thing that my dh has suggested and I balked at it for a long time. He always said stop multitasking and start focusing. It is a struggle to do this, it is not normal for us women to think that way, men naturally think that way (they actually just did a study that commuting is more stressful for women than men because men focus on their drive or phone call, us women may be on the phone or watching the road but our brain is still on our to do list). When I do focus on one task (30 minutes to make phone calls, no stirring the soup, or getting someone a drink, etc) it gets done a lot quicker.

(oh a side point, I am not perfect, I struggle just like you do, I know the tools that work for me its the implementing them that is the hard part. I can stick to a method for 1 or 2 months really strongly and then I falter. the 30 days to a new habit doesnt apply for me!)
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Mrs Bissli




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 5:37 pm
I tend to control my calendar/things to do list on my smartphone. No fancy apps, just basic calendar and memopad. I like calendar on the phone because you can check when you're out of house, and you can add/delete things as the day progresses instead of coming home at the end of the day. The big advantage is that you can set a reminder alarm, or things like appointments you can set as recurring base. DH does the same, so we have a back-up and cross-check between us. (We also go through week ahead's schedule usually on Sundays).

The only exception is something more to do with kids schools, which goes on wall calendar. Most important thing is to assign kids name to an event, so you don't wonder if 'Teachers meeting' entry next week is for Yankele's or Rivky's or Dovidl's.

If you use Outlook, you can also make entries as Tasks, prioritise as you wish and set deadlines, reminders, send as an email item to DH to delegate, etc. Though to be honest I tend to just make 3-4 constantly updated lists as memo--I have one general ToDo list, Shopping list, Cooking list, and general Kids list (schools, playdates, reminders).
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 7:41 pm
NOBODY has it ALL together; that is a myth. Why do you think there are so many books, magazine articles, websites and blogs on the topic?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:05 pm
So this week's experimental method combines a few of my previous attempts: I folded a paper in fourths one way, and in half the other way. Each fourth is a location/type of task - e.g. phone, computer, home, out. The top half is urgent and timely things, the bottom half are things with no deadline but that really need to happen (things with no deadline that won't turn into emergencies - e.g. home improvements - are still left to rot on my general ipad task list). Each night before going to sleep I choose a few to put on the priority list for that day (separate note paper.) For example, tomorrow I have an appointment in a certain neighborhood, so I've selected a couple of the "out" items that can be done in that area and are timely to take care of tomorrow. And that's in the afternoon, so I've added the most urgent "phone" items for the morning. Home and computer items can be done just about any time so those go in last.

We'll see how it goes. So far today's pick list was a bust because first of all I had a crisis in middle of the night, didn't get enough sleep, so my morning was very unproductive. Then when I had certain calls scheduled, instead I received a call that was important to take (wasn't on my list because I couldn't do/schedule it - I'd already left the message and needed to wait for it to come) and took longer than it was supposed to. Plus, it left me with homework that was quite urgent, so instead of the next things on my list I added that to the list and did it. On top of that, today's mail brought two things that each added a couple of things onto the "very urgent" list. I always feel like that - for every thing that gets done, three more things pile on. Like the phone call - got in touch with person that was on my mind needing to get through to, but instead of just checking that off as a success it left me adding to my list: call two other people, write an email, and fax back documents. Cripes. But meanwhile the long phone call left me with a short gap time between its end and picking up kids, so during that time I squeezed in a couple of computer tasks.

So in the end I only got done 1 1/2 things from today's "today" list but I did manage to knock off a bunch of things from my Master List. However I also added about 5 more things that didn't get done yet.

Now it's too late for the calls so I am off to do the top most urgent "computer" tasks and a couple of the papery "home" tasks.

Note that everyday things like meals and dishes are not even on any list. They just kind of make themselves known as needed.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Jul 30 2015, 11:06 am
so seeker......

would you define yesterday as "productive" or "unproductive"?

another cliche

Digging your way out of the hole? or Digging the hole deeper?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 30 2015, 11:57 am
Id say yesterday was medium-productive, but still left me feeling tense, stressed, overwhelmed and with that running in a hamster wheel feeling. I need to get the tension under control more than the actual tasks. I think that organizing the tasks better so they're not flying all over the place and my head would help with that feeling.
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