"need" a place for Shabbos/meals?

amother

Natural

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 7:37 am

amother wrote:

Rather than travelers being more deserving say they are more needy because when you travel there are limitations on luggage. I can't pack everything I need to make shabbos. I also may not have time or the ability to get what I need for a traditional Shabbos.

We have done Shabbos in hotel rooms bringing everything. This only works when traveling by car.

True, but as far as I know you can always take more for a fee. We do. I have made full traditional meals for my whole family in the most remote locations, miles and miles from kosher foods and jewish civilization in treyf kitchens the size of shoe boxes. It's all do-able.

B"H if you are able to find families happy to host you. I'm one of those always happy to host. And there isn't anything wrong with it in my view EXCEPT for calling it a need rather than a want. Even if the alternative is to have peanut butter sandwiches and potato chips in a cramped hotel room for your seuda, it's still a want and not a need to be hosted when you travel.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 7:56 am

I've been a single in that situation. I am BH married with children and most a ton now. Some people are clueless. There was a couple we hosted as singles. First seperate than as a couple. Both with food restrictions etc.. Then as a newly married couple then as a couple with a baby. They know we eat in their home and we have never ever received an invite because we have kids!! But the wierdest thing is we often go out on Friday night without my kids and they have been with us at some of those meals so they know we go out without our kids. This is a couple that can come to us 5 out of 8 Pesach meals. Look I know I have meals for 30 people often and most of my guests don't keep kosher or whatever but it's nice to get a reciprocal invite. Some people who don't keep kosher take me and my husband out for dinner at a restaurant once a year. We love that! Some people just feel comfortable coming to us every Friday night and telling us how they can't afford to host because food is so expensive (these people tend to eat us out of house and home) while telling us about their fancy vacations their home renovations. Etc... Everyone who knows me knows I am not wealthy. We Bh love having an open home, love hosting and BH make it a financial priority.
My point is there are all kind of people in this world and many have very different priorities and values than us. And my husband always tells me. Treat others they way we would like to be treated. Not the way they treat us. I'm not advocating being a shmatte. But it's important to recognize that people in a specific situation(either single or married) find it very hard to relate to someone in a different situation

amother

Pearl

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 8:37 am

amother wrote:

Firstly, we travel for reasons other than vacation. Secondly, the invitations to meals are always offered by the host through friends or we know people and we tell them we are visiting. I don't know how to contact random strangers to ask for hospitality. I wouldn't intrude on someone by asking even if I did.

Why does it upset you that we accept invitations? Should we turn down people that ask for our company and say to please host lonely singles instead?

the issue wasn't with you accepting invitations it was with saying you deserve it more than singles who have an easier time cooking than you?

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

I can buy stuff but I can't buy a proper Shabbos. It is too difficult to bring a crockpot and a blech on a plane. DH is only comfortable with a traditional Shabbos. When I travel by car I can bring every single item I need including a collapsible vase for flowers. I have traveling candlesticks, traveling washcup, traveling havdollah set, traveling kiddish cup, traveling tablecloth, microwaves, crockpot, blech, etc.

How do you keep food hot?

You often don't! On car trips we sometimes bring the crockpot etc so we can have hot food shabbos day etc. we've brought meal mart and microwaved just before shabbos for Fri night. A difference time I managed to pack and bring on the plane 2 deli sandwiches one for day one for night and grape juice boxes. Once dh and I left the stove on over shabbos but then the fire alarm went off! This past shabbos we just ate tuna and cheese sanwhichs. We manage.

So you understand your dhs "need" to have nice shabbos food, but not singles who need to not sit alone with no distractions for 25 hours. You get that it's not about the food generally for them right?

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 9:04 am

Frumdoc wrote:

1. I was living in hospital accommodation, as posted above, with no fridge, no room for a fridge and not allowed any cooking equipment in my room due to fire regs. As I said, iI couldn't even light shabbos candles and benched licht on the ceiling light.

2. I could have had a different cereal, but all bran was my cereal of choice that year, and that is what I ate during the week too. All bran and fresh fruit and the occasional tin of tuna, no it was not healthy but there really wasn't a choice (except between that and a bacon sandwich or Macdonalds). I lived miles away from a jewish community, shop or shul, way beyond walking distance, and even the nearest community didn't have a deli or fast food shop. Would it have been more shabbosdik to have cheerios and does that make you feel better? Believe it or not, some of us have lived outside the regular frum areas, not necessarily from choice.

3. Yes, it was extreme, I am illustrating the limitations that can be in effect for some singles, that show how much a meal out can mean.

4. I find your attitude towards singles really quite obnoxious. I hope you don't do shidduchim for older singles as you don't seem to understand much about the lifestyle and issues.

I am not the one saying it is travelers versus singles. This is coming from you and another poster. All I said is that the travelers face
logistical problems setting up shabbos. I learned that hakhnasat orehim is for travelers and those too poor to feed themselves. Abraham stopped talking to Hashem for travelers. Hashem provided mana for the hungry.

I am not opposed to extending hakhnasat orehim to older singles. I hosted one this weekend who we reached out to. He ended up coming home from shul with two of his friends who needed a place. We welcomed them with pleasure.

Your diet was your choice. There are plenty of other foods you could have chosen that can be kept room temperature. I am not saying you shouldn't have gone out for Shabbos. I am saying your choice to limit your food to just bran is unusual.

FTR I got married late and lived a full life as a single. I also lived in dorms and kept kosher. I was the only one and I started at 18.

Talya

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 9:46 am

amother wrote:

the travelers were the ones who needed food right then and there. That doesn't mean others don't need food too. And I think she made it clear she ate bran because she liked it better than cheerios. That wasn't the point of her post though.

Frumdoc

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 10:05 am

amother wrote:

Where did I say it was singles v travellers?

And to focus on my dietary choices is to miss the real issue, that of isolation, no shabbat features including lighting candles, and no hot food or kosher food within an hour drive. Would you consider eating nuts and cold ramen noodles, or a tin of tuna, more shabbosdik? Equivalent to spending shabbat with a family in an area with a shul, hot kosher food and a spiritual atmosphere?

Hint, outside the US the availability of kosher prepared food can be very limited. Perhaps it is impossible for you to know what that is like. We welcome travellers, singles, needy, LD etc to our home. I don't expect a prize, but neither would I turn up to my vacation expecting some random person to host me because I couldn't be bothered to prepare my own shabbos or my dh "needs his traditional heimish food" irrelevant of who makes it.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 10:10 am

amother wrote:

the issue wasn't with you accepting invitations it was with saying you deserve it more than singles who have an easier time cooking than you?

I actually said "travelers are no more deserving than singles". You and Frumdoc did not read what I wrote.

I did mention the difficulty of making shabbos without stuff. I never addressed who has more merit to be hosted. This was in response to Ruchel's comment about travelers. I went to discuss the special difficulties travellers face. Then another poster decided I travel only for luxury vacations and I invite myself to complete strangers homes. I was told I don't know about being an older single when I was married for the first time at 39 and was

Sheesh!

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 10:23 am

Frumdoc wrote:

Again, you are misreading what I wrote. I told you that I never instigate an invitation. I don't like to put anyone on the spot.

invisiblecircus

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 5:07 pm

When I was an older single, there were several families from shul and from the wider community who told me that if I ever find myself without a meal for Shabbat, to call them and they might be bale to host me. They made it clear that I should not be embarrassed to call whenever I need and if they can't host me that particular week, they'll tell me.

There were other families who invited me in advance for specific meals. Obviously this was way more comfortable and I never did call any of the families who invited me to "call when I need." If I had no invitation I ate challah in my room. (I was living with a family and did not have access to a kitchen.)

Anyway, back to the OP, I wonder if any of these people posting on FB are also recipients of "call me if you need a meal" type invitations but are too embarrassed to just call someone up, so they post on FB. This is more comfortable than calling a family directly and it's also more comfortable for the families as they only need to respond if they are willing and able to host that week.

Frumdoc

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 6:31 pm

amother wrote:

Again, you are misreading what I wrote. I told you that I never instigate an invitation. I don't like to put anyone on the spot.

8

Honestly, I can't really be bothered to follow which amother is being offended for which supposed criticism right now.

Sorry if you think I made some direct comment about you, I'm so not interested in whether anyone thinks travellers or singles or divorcing couples are the most deserving of invitations, it is the most ridiculous argument.

(Almost as ridiculous as arguing over which cereal I chose to eat in my final year of med school Rolling Eyes

MiracleMama

Sun, Aug 02 2015, 7:00 pm

Frumdoc wrote:

For what it's worth (probably not much) I don't think anyone was arguing over which cereal you ate. I think that "All Bran" was misunderstood as "all bran". As in, you ate nothing but bran. Always. All the time.

mamma2b

Wed, Sep 23 2015, 11:59 pm

The jewish life revolves around family. what does shabbos mean to you? im sure no one will say that its all about preparing and eating tasty food and treating yourself but rather the people who you share it with.
And im sorry but I will have to disagree with your claim about the fact that when you were in seminary it wasnt so bad. well you gotta be kidding me right?! I mean in seminary you go to families for the food, not for the company. on the contrary when you are single and in need of a place to go for a shabbos meal, you're not looking for a meal but rather for company with whom to celebrate this beautiful day. and for those who will disagree with me-maybe you dont understand because you've never been through it. and I'm happy to hear that ignorance since that means that there's one less lonely heart out there.
And the way I see it-the fact that those singles are reaching out for a meal-means that they are going beyond their means of comfort (because the staying home would be that miserable) and asking you for help. So who are you to say anything about entitlement? And maybe they are coming off as feeling entitled but maybe that is just their way of sheilding their self dignity they have?

DrMom

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 1:08 am

mamma2b wrote:

Huh? Everyone is entitled to her own experiences and her own opinions and emotions about those experiences. Maybe people here didn't think seminary was that bad. Can nobody think that because it differs from your emotional responses to a similar situation? You don't get to tell someone how they felt!

I am sorry you had a bad experience but this post is just strange.