Not happy with guests...

StripedFlower

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 9:58 pm

imasoftov wrote:

If someone is a crook, call him a crook, regardless of race. If someone is spoiled, call her that, regardless of religion.

It's not like crime. It's a unique kind of "spoiltness" that applies to Jewish girls only.

amother wrote:

I think Fox is right, it's a generational thing. JAP isn't just saying spoiled and snobby... the word came about to describe Jewish girls in general. When people thought of jewish girls they thought of spoiled princesses.

Depends which Jewish girls. The very rich ones maybe, not the ones living in Meah Shearim.

singleagain

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 10:03 pm

StripedFlower wrote:

But saying all spoilt, snobby, rude girls are JAPs isn't. It's just a fact.

I'm 29, and I find this very offensive, and most definitely NOT a fact.

StripedFlower

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 10:11 pm

singleagain wrote:

I'm 29, and I find this very offensive, and most definitely NOT a fact.

What's your age got to do with it?

And what's very offensive?

Are you saying you are very spoilt but not a jap?

singleagain

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 10:14 pm

StripedFlower wrote:

What's your age got to do with it?

And what's very offensive?

Are you saying you are very spoilt but not a jap?

my age is relevant bc someone upthread said it's a generational thing, but I'm from a different generation.

I think it's wrong to label girls as anything! I think it's wrong to label all people, no matter what.

and being spoiled is a matter of perspective, what I have might be considered luxury to someone else, and pitiful to another.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 4:04 am

StripedFlower wrote:

Depends which Jewish girls. The very rich ones maybe, not the ones living in Meah Shearim.

You miss the point. We're talking about antisemitism. It makes no difference whether there is truth to the stereotype.

5mom

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 4:18 am

To me, JAP is an offensive term and I don't use it. But there is some leeway for people to use an offensive term when they are the target. So Jews get to say JAP even when no one else does. (Though it would be more refined to use another word.)

Back to the topic, the girls sounded clueless and self centered. Unfortunately, teenagers can be that way. If they knew the effort it took to host them, they would probably be horrified. Also, they may come from homes where there's no such thing as a food budget, and where the full time cleaner does all the prep work. In that case, they really have no clue what is involved in hosting shabbos guests.

My only suggestion is that next time the rebbetzin calls asking you to host, explain that you are on a tight budget and would prefer to host people who really need a place, not just sight seers.

imasoftov

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 5:37 am

5mom wrote:

If you post offended me, what slurs would I be allowed to direct at you?

5mom

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 5:49 am

imasoftov wrote:

If you post offended me, what slurs would I be allowed to direct at you?

I hear what you are saying and I admire your sensitivity.

What I meant was that just as the gay community has adopted the term queer, and so neutralized the term, maybe some Jewish women may be forgiven for using JAP on themselves.

A Jewish man can refer to himself as a yid and we wouldn't bat an eyelash. The same term coming from a skinhead has all sorts of nasty connotations. Language is like that.

I agree that we would be better off without the term and I am glad you pointed out that it's offensive. All I did was to suggest a carve out for a specific subset of the population. If you think that's still not ok, I will defer to you.

Dandelion1

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 8:21 am

I am surprised.... I never took the term Jap as anything more than a funny, and at times even bordering on affectionate term for a young and perhaps overly doted on Jewish girl.... Does everything have to be "offensive"? Seriously it's a "stereotype"? This hypersensitivity is not empowering, I feel it is the opposite.... Can't we let anything go?

etky

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:36 am

MamaBear wrote:

Likely, their rudeness is not intentional. They are clueless and do not know any better. Hopefully, one day they will grow into more mature women and understand the kindness and hospitality you showed them.

I was not particularly thoughtful at that age and I have a few memories that actually haunt me to this today. I wish I could go back and apologize to certain people for not being more considerate and less self centered.

On the other hand, I am not shy to say that I do lots of chessed, much of it anonymously with no fanfare. So I have grown from those days and perhaps those women who I didn't show enough gratitude helped shape me. Perhaps you will play a small role in who these women become, just with your one shabbos.

This. Beautifully said. Nothing further to add.

tigerwife

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:42 am

I've heard JAP being used neutrally, not only referring to very spoiled girls. Some girls are proud of being Jewish American Princesses. I think there is even a wig company called JAP.

I never realized people find the term truly offensive.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:47 am

aleph wrote:

Alef, I'll give you an example. When you've worked with non jews who exchange knowing looks when the jewish girl comes back from her lunch break with a Saks shopping bag you become sensitive to the stereotype. That happened to me, I confronted one of them who was my friend and she said c'mon you are a bit of a JAP! It was very hurtful and I am not spoiled or a princess. If I wasn't jewish it would have been my friend bought herself something. Since I'm a jew it was my jappy friend went on her jappy shopping spree.

imasoftov

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 5:54 pm

tigerwife wrote:

That some people are proud of something is no sign that it ought to be a source of pride.

Also, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambo%27s