3 Yr. old will not make BM in toilet

amother

Linen

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 5:19 pm

...only underwear.

We tried:
extensively rewarding BM in toilet
taking away underwear and reverting to diapers
buying a potty

...nothing works! She still goes in her underwear. Please help! She needs to be trained by the next 3 weeks to start school.

SingALong

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 5:26 pm

I have same issue with DS! He's almost 3, trained well for wet, but refuses to do bm in toilet. So when he needs to do that he tells me, I put him on a pamper for as long as needed and then when he's done he goes back into underwear. He also needs to be trained for school. I'm hoping he'll hold that in till he gets home! He's only I school 4 hours a day. Or I'll ask teacher to call me if he needs to go big, since I'm right down the block. Speak to your school see if they will work with you.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 5:30 pm

My son is four and still doesn't consistently bm on the toilet- though he's finally starting to move in that direction, probably because we stopped making a big deal about it. But he is totally fine with peeing and has been for a year. He's been going to school in underwear all year, and only ever went bm at home so it was never an issue. Kid that are finicky about that tend to also be picky about the where and the when, so it may not be an issue.

amother

Linen

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:13 pm

She won't even tell me so we can put on a diaper. She just goes in her underwear.

As to the school, she will be there full day from 9:00 till 4:00 Sad

since I work full time. (Very very sad about this - separate topic.) So not realistic to expect her to hold it in until she gets home.

I can withdraw from school and put her in a babysitting group (there is no 3 year old all day playgroup where I live) and that is very not ideal, as she is social and would not want to be with little babies all day.

The school said she needs to stay home until TOTALLY trained - and I would have to pay tuition if I want them to keep my spot. Sad

I'm at wits end. Anybody have any ideas???

sourstix

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:22 pm

can you make her sit on the toilet every hour for 15 minutes? thats what I did with ds. also I use miralax everyday. do you see that holds herself back? does she do it everday? see what time she does this. morn, noon or everning? I think she should have a schedule when she has to sit. is she holding back for many days? she might not be able to hold in for so long and then has no control and it just comes. she might be impacted. but first you need to know if she goes everday or once a week? then you will know if shes holding back or not. if shes not holding back then make her sit every hour. no negotiating about it. if she doesnt sit you take away a toy. give her music and books to help her sit. hatzlacha

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:23 pm

De-wit and put her with the babies for now. She can chat with the caregiver lady. You will give the lady extra love and presents and bribe her to pay special attention to DD and to play with and talk to her. This won't last long. But this pressure is not good, not good.

It is quite possible that DD will do for the lady what she won't do for you. Sometimes an outsider has a special touch. This is cause for gratitude not jealousy on your part.

If DD progresses in six weeks, she might transition to school. So pay tuition for a while or something. Or she can start school next year.

Three is young to have it all together. Some do and some don't. This stuff is lifelong and should not be tampered with.

Put some frills around your bathroom décor. From a child's height, all that sterile white porcelain looks like the city morgue. Colors, pictures, décor, décor. You need to feel you are in a friendly place, where a nice girl like her would feel safe, clean, pretty, unembarrassed, normal, and ok.

amother

Linen

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:29 pm

sourstix wrote:

I'm sure she is holding back. Before toilet training, she'd have a bm every day. Now it's every 2 days and just comes out with no warning. I can try these ideas.

Dolly, this is a good point too. Perhaps I should consider sending her to the babysitter. I'd be THRILLED if someone else trained her for me! We could probably swing a double-tuition for a few weeks, but certainly not for a few months. SO ultimately all this stress is about money. Sad

sourstix

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:39 pm

I also dont think this is about negotiating. if you decide to go the babysitter route and it works I will be extremely happy. for me it didnt work but it can very likely work for you. you also need to ask her if when it comes out does it hurt? does she hide when she does it? or she isnt ashamed? what is her reaction when she does it? will she cry or no reaction?

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:43 pm

Listen, my son is also out all day. Not that holding it in is terribly healthy, but even when he goes in a pull up, he will only go in his little private corner at home. Kids can be weird about it. I understand not wanting to risk it being an issue in school, but it really might not be. In any event, are there any other preschools in the area, that may perhaps have different rules? Not all preschools have a potty training deadline, as more people come to recognize that such things are detrimental to the kids. That would be worth looking into.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:47 pm

Yes, caregivers OFTEN get better results. If they are basically nice and good at their jobs. They've been through this more times than you have and they are experts. LET her do it.

It is very bad for a child to learn to hate the whole thing. Very.

You said plainly upthread that you yourself have a lot of dislike of a transition that you, too, are being forced to make. She is picking up your mood.

amother

Linen

Mon, Aug 03 2015, 10:26 pm

sourstix wrote:

She seems just matter of fact about it. Like- oh look, poopy in my underwear. Then she tells me next time she will make in the toilet (potty) so she can get her treat. But "next time" never happens.

As to other comment, no, there are only 2 preschools in town and they both have the same policy (obviously I don't live in NY). The only other option is full day babysitting.

amother

Linen

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 10:56 pm

amother wrote:

is it anxiety related?
If so, I had an idea that worked with my son
you can email me at anonymous0693@gmail.com

Ok, I created a gmail account and sent you a request. Thanks!!