Why do you have children?

amother

Blush

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 10:37 am

Ummm... I thought this was a frum web site. Doesn't the Torah command that we 'be fruitful and multiply'? Yeah... I know it's a man's mitzvah, but I'm still surprised by the question.

Delores

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 10:38 am

I guess you can call it "selfish" reasons: so there would be more people like me, whose lives and opinions I can influence and shape. So that I can pass on my values and beliefs in the world.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 10:47 am

amother wrote:

Ummm... I thought this was a frum web site. Doesn't the Torah command that we 'be fruitful and multiply'? Yeah... I know it's a man's mitzvah, but I'm still surprised by the question.

People on the other thread said that they have children so they have someone who will take care of them in old age. So I was wondering.

boymom

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:04 am

amother wrote:

Ummm... I thought this was a frum web site. Doesn't the Torah command that we 'be fruitful and multiply'? Yeah... I know it's a man's mitzvah, but I'm still surprised by the question.

yes of course. but you can still have other reasons as to why you want them. some pple just love babies and want to have tons. some do it purely because of the mitzvah. and maybe some do it because of peer pressure. who knows??? I think it's a valid question. and don't forget- there are enough women on this website that may have had a secular or just a different upbringing than you, which didn't ingrain in them the concept that having children is done by default. for them its an individual choice.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:05 am

I love my husband so immensely that I want to create babies with him! I want to share that special bond with him and parent with him together, and IY"H see the product of our love grow and thrive.

Tzutzie

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:07 am

Hmmm lets see. There are lots of reasons. Because I love kids and people in general and what could be better than creating some of them and having them in my own house? Because that's the natural cycle - maternal instinct and such. Because its a mitzvah my husband has and by marrying him I feel it's my duty to help fulfill it. Because I believe I have a lot to offer for them and I can give them a beautiful healthy loving childhood. Because I'm selfish and I think they are the most adorable pretty things ever created and they are fun to be with and I wanted more.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:13 am

honestly, when I first got married , I had my first because that's what (almost) everyone in my community does- get married, have a baby, then have another baby etc. It's kind of like, I didn't think what I'm doing, or rather, I always knew I didn't want to get married and have kids right away but was embarrassed to talk to my parents about it , and then once I was married I was uncomf telling dh- hey, lets not have kids for 3 years.
so after my first, I decided to plan each pregnancy , so that I can be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. (the one time that I didn't use bc, and said let's leave it to H', I got preg and had mis and dr. said I must use bc for 6 months due to medical reasons. ironic!)

so at this point- why am I having children? part of it is mentality that's ingrained in me forever and part of me wants to have a family. I don't know why- maybe because it gives me a sense of purpose on this world- I have a role and I am capable of fulfilling it to the best that I can.

amother

Blush

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:42 am

amother wrote:

People on the other thread said that they have children so they have someone who will take care of them in old age. So I was wondering.

Thanks for clarifying!

wifenmother

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:43 am

amother wrote:

Thought provoking replies here. I know people who had kids so they had who would ~~help them wash the dishes~~ continue the family chain.

Great post! Very Happy

Chayalle

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:55 am

amother wrote:

People on the other thread said that they have children so they have someone who will take care of them in old age. So I was wondering.

This kind of floors me (I didn't see the other thread yet.)

I went for physical therapy this year (elbow pain) and my therapist told me she wishes she'd had a daughter (she has two sons) because who's going to wipe her butt in her old age (her words, not mine)?

I would never want that of my girls.

I have kids because I love them. Hashem made me, and he put that love in me. He gave me all this to do what? To try to emulate him with unconditional loving kindness, just like he showers me with blessing every single day.

wifenmother

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 12:21 pm

Chayalle wrote:

That's not a Jewish concept. We daven 'al tashlicheini l'eis zikna'. No senior has an easy time with losing their ability to take care of themselves. Of course they'd prefer that their children do that rather than a stranger, but to have children with that goal in mind?!

I fully agree with the bolded part of your post above. Well said!

elisheva25

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 12:47 pm

B/c having children for me at least it gives my life meaning . ...it's hard hard work raising children but at the same time it's the most fulfilling thing you can do. ..sure you can have a career that's meaningful and you enjoy, or hobbies or go travel all over ....But nothing is a spiritual as bringing children into this world and raising them.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 12:59 pm

I was curious. It was my project and dh was ok with it. There were many moments throughout the pregnancy that I thought 'why did I do this? We're stuck with a chore forever.'
Then we met our child and were overwhelmed by the amazing experience and by how much we love him. Taking care of him is a joy and the time I spend with him is the best of my life.

I don't know if there's an honest idealistic answer for why we have children. I know we would love our child if he didn't have our genes, wouldn't grow up to take care of us, or didn't share our ideals. I only know that we love him and I would do it again.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 2:24 pm

We had our first because of the mitzva of pru u'rvu. We didn't really have a reason not to, so we did.

Not that we didn't think about it. We felt sure we were capable of being good parents.

And then after that - each time we had a child, we were so happy we did, because we love them all and it feels right having them be here as part of our family. So then each time we thought about having another, it was like, "hey, it worked out well last time... "

(Not that we never use birth control.)

champion

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 2:29 pm

Because it is The most wonderful project if all.
Dedicated to all mommies out there.
This commercial always makes me cry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?.....ad=10