Is your son bringing a smartphone to bais medrash?

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 12:00 am

My son , who just graduated from high school, is going to be going to an out of town bais medrash program this year. He said that he wants to take his smartphone (filtered, of course, but still..) with him to use on his off Shabbosim (but obviously not actually on Shabbos), and that othe boys are too. It doesn't seem to me that it would be so easy for him to limit it like that, & the distraction of a smartphone seems like it would really take away from his growth there. Is you're son taking a smartphone with him??

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 7:33 am

Rutabaga wrote:

Does the yeshiva have a rule about cell phones in general and smartphones in particular?

they probably do have a rule, they probably don0't want smartphones (I'm sure cell phones aren't a problem)but it may be that if they don't see it, they won't say anything, and, ds wouldn't be using it for maps & directions, he would use it to watch sports clips, maybe movies, and to use whatsapp groups, is anyone here sending boys off to bais medrash this year? Are they taking their smartphone?

DrMom

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:03 am

amother wrote:

I'd look carefully over all the admissions and registration material to be sure.

If there is indeed a rule against it, why would you encourage your son to violate their rules?

People can live without smartphones.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:35 pm

shanie5 wrote:

Almost no yeshiva will allow smartphones. And sending one with your son will take away from his learning. And most likely the learning of the boys he is friends with and watch his smartphone with him.

As I said, I really don't want him to bring a smart phone. I'm really mostly wondering what I'm up against. Are other boys really bringing smartphones (and I'm sure it varies greatly by yeshiva)? I don't want to ask any mother's that I know directly bc I don't want to put them on the spot. My son didn't take his smartphone to sleepaway camp, but other boys did.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 9:44 pm

My son's Yeshiva officially has a "Kosher phone only" rule. He was able to keep his current plan and switch to a kosher phone. He did switch back to his old phone (not a smart phone but was able to text) during one bein hazmanim and then decided he didn't want to switch back to the Kosher phone. He just didn't like it. I'm not happy that he is breaking rules, but he is already in his 6th year of this Yeshiva and is really a good boy in general. It's not a smart phone, though.

shanie5

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 10:16 pm

amother wrote:

As I tell my children-I don't care what others are doing. This is my rule and this is what I expect of you. The line "but everybody else does it" means nothing to me. Somebody has to make a stand. I find that when I say "NO" other parents find the guts to say 'no' too (they were afraid they would be the only ones).

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 10:29 pm

shanie5 wrote:

you're right that what is right doesn't depend on what others are doing, but it does make it more difficult to say no because you know that it's much harder for your child. When I talk to my son, I will definitely try to sympathize with him and try to convey to him that I understand & would not say that what everyone else does means nothing to me, because it does, it means that things will be much harder for my son, and it means that I feel bad for him that he is in that situation, and I would want him to know that

amother

Apricot

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 10:48 pm

As the wife of a Rosh Yeshiva I can tell you we have a policy that
1. Student may not have any video-capable device
2. No smart phones
3. Regular phones are allowed from 12 pm on Friday to 9:30 am on Sunday, otherwise must be given to office.

Do boys try to cheat? Yes, and when they are caught, they may get a warning or they may be expelled. We have had to send away several boys for this and other violations of rules.

If your son is going to Bais Medrash to grow, a smart phone is a bad idea as it will distract him, and may even get him expelled.

I always wondered what parents were thinking. Now maybe I am getting some insight. Are we all afraid of our children?

amother

Smokey

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 10:49 pm

The problem with my son's Yeshiva is that they allowed cell phones until a year ago, so most of the boys were tied in to their parent's (not Kosher) plan. If they would have had the Kosher -phone only rule from the get-go, it would have been a lot easier for me to put my foot down. But since he hasn't lived at home for the last 6 years or so and is almost 20 years old, I felt I could not do much about it other than express my disapproval. He was a few hundred miles away from me, kept the texting phone for his trip back to yeshiva after a bein hazmanim and I expected him to switch back to the Kosher phone once the zman started. I didn't really have much control from here. And since he already had gotten used to the phone he had for the last year......

imasinger

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 11:57 pm

OP, it makes me sad for you and for your DS that the idea that got taken away after summer camp was that the rules are just there for show, and lots of guys don't really follow them. And that if you do, you're a gullible nebbach.

Such rules are not reasonable or enforceable, and don't really have significance -- is that what you believe? Is it what you want him to believe?
Wouldn't he do better at an educational setting (beis midrash or not) that was in line with your values?

But, for whatever reasons you and he chose this place.

I hope it is a place of learning and growth, and that he will find a wealth of other things to do with his time.

And that he (and you) will come to understand the reasoning and wisdom behind the ban.

DrMom

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 1:21 am

imasinger wrote:

This. I really don't understand this thread. People point out that there may be rules against bringing smartphones, and you keep coming back with "yeah, yeah, yeah -- but what is everyone else doing?"

Furthermore, if I were a parent sending my child to this beit midrash with the explicit understanding that my child will not have access to a smartphone, I would be pretty annoyed if he did have access via your son.

If your son doesn't want to give up his smartphone and it's really that important to him, then send him to an institution that's okay with this. Don't send him somewhere that bans the use of smartphones with the premeditated intention of breaking the rules.

Quote:

For crying out loud: He's 20. Many people in this world function just fine without a smartphone. Just 10 years ago, almost everyone was without a smartphone, and we all survived, somehow. This is really not such a huge deal.

Sadie

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 4:51 am

DrMom wrote:

I have a terrible sense of direction and I used to get lost constantly, and when I was a teen/early 20's I ended up in some scary and dangerous situations because of it. Having a smartphone with directions/maps/bus schedules on hand has literally changed my life.
OP says that that's not what her son would be using it for but if my kid were traveling on weekends I would want them to have a smartphone (that is, if they turn out to be anything like me!)
I like shani5's idea of using it on weekends and turning it in during the schoolweek, if that could be arranged.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 5:15 am

imasinger wrote:

Are you kidding!?! I don't understand the reasoning!?! Look at my original post- I said what my son wanted to do, not that I was going to let him. I waneed to find out if other parents were letting, because even when u say no, u can still sympathize!! You're post was really mean spirited and untrue!