Working women with young babies- your experiences please!

amother

Coffee

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 3:09 pm

Dd is currently 12 weeks old. I absolutely hate the idea of going to work and leaving her but we seriously have no money and DH is having a hard time finding work.
DD is my first baby and im totally crazy about her. I cant bear to think of that little face all sad without her mommy. She really only is happy with me and DH and whimpers sadly and looks all worried even if a friend/g.mother holds her and even if im in the room.
I just cant bear to bring myself to do this to her.
What are your experiences with ur babies and work? Were you also so worried and it was fine? Or was it a disaster??

musicmom

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 3:39 pm

Hi,

I went back to work when my kids were each 6 weeks old. They are all young and it is not easy, but you survive. Have a regular schedule for pumping and have all your supplies in order. I would nurse them several times a night to make sure they were getting enough milk and time with me... It is not ideal, but somehow you survive the first year, and then you will get more sleep and be able to bond with your child more. Any help you can get around the house is really welcome as you are exhausted and burning at both ends... Be sure to take care of yourself! Good luck.

seeker

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 4:34 pm

I hate it for myself because I would like to spend more time bonding with my little babies, plus I have a hard time trusting anyone else with their care, but they had a fine time. Maybe a little getting used to but they bonded very well with the person looking after them. She likely is MORE sad when you're in the room - you said "even when I'm in the room" but babies seem to take it more personally when you're there and not holding them, and then are fine when you're out of sight.

pesek zman

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 5:17 pm

I may be in the minority and so I'm not sure that my experience will be relevant (except that I am. Working woman with a young baby) but I was very ready to go back to work when I did. My babe was 4 months and I planned my maternity leave to be that long: which I think helped: knowing and choosing the end point made me feel in control of my choice (as opposed to a victim of my circumstance) I started my babe in daycare part tjme (weekly, but full day) at 3 months and found that while I certainly thought about her, I enjoyed having time for myself. It gave me time to get things done (cook, laundry, errands, pack for pesach) so that when I was with her I could Be WITH her, not wish would sit in her bouncy for just a while longer so I could finish dinner. She went to daycare full time when I returned to work at 4 months and like I said, I was ready. I was ready to get dressed and have adult conversation. I was ready to have some structure back into my life. I find that I enjoyed my time with her because I had less of it. I organize my time so that I cook for the week in Sunday morning while she naps or spends time with her dad, so that during the week, in the evenings, my tkme is all hers. Everything else in done while she sleeps. There were a few really hard mornings, when she was recovering from jet lag (pesach trip) or teething badly that it was hard to leave her but overall I'm happy with my chikdcare arrangement and am thrilled to see her thriving. Try to reframe your thinking, if you can. Not that you HAVE to go back to work, but rather you are lucky enough to be able to help provide for your family. It's not a burden, it's a privelege. Wishing you luck in this transition

rachel6543

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 5:54 pm

Going back to work with a newborn is hard, but I had no choice. Need 2 incomes to survive and when my son was born I was making a lot more $ than my husband.

For my son at least, the transition to daycare was fine. He started at 3 months old. He went to the local day school preschool and the teachers were fine and loved him. As long as you have good, loving care, your baby will be fine.

I think the transition back to work was harder for me than baby going to daycare. I missed my baby during the day. And I pumped until he was 12 months old. I also developed PPD after I went back to work, so that was REALLY hard, dealing with that, but I got the medical help I needed and eventually got better.

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musicmom

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 7:03 pm

Well, it is really sudden, and such a hard adjustment. I did not have daycare while I could do things around the house. Wearing a baby on your back and doing dishes are not my favorite... You nurse when you can, not when you and the baby want to. It is sad, and everyone at my job would wonder if I would get pregnant again or if I was on birth control. So inappropriate! Anyhow, things get a lot easier when the baby begins to eat solids at 6 months. The stress of pumping lessens considerably. If you pump and freeze wisely, you may not have to after this point. And things get a lot easier after a year! I always developed some pictures to bring back to work, and tell everyone you missed them. Confused

chatz

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 7:08 pm

If your DH is not working, can he watch her? With my oldest, my husband was able to watch her while he worked from home (until she got mobile).

I've used a few different babysitters/centers at various times, and my best experience was with one lady who babysat from her house. Fewer kids (4 or less) means fewer germs being spread around. She was warm, reliable, and friendly. Anyways, when I started with her, my baby was not very happy. After 2 weeks (my trial run), my daughter literally jumped out of my hands into the babysitter's hands.

Initial crying/sadness is normal. But if your baby has a loving, reliable, and caring caretaker, you can be assured that your child is in good and safe hands.

And take advantage of the time you do have together to bond. Nursing is great for that.

rachelbg

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 7:14 pm

I went back to work after 6 weeks after having each of my kids. My job won't allow for more than that, and we need the income. It's a completely normal thing to do around my neighborhood, and we found a good babysitter each time. So far, my kids seem happy and adjusted to life regardless of my having gone back to work at 6 weeks. (Btw, I pumped and nursed.)

ra_mom

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 7:18 pm

Yes, I was worried. And it was hard. But I had/have to work so I went back to work at 8 weeks postpartum with no choices.
The kids end up enjoying being at the babysitter when we found them loving places. It was a very hard adjustment for me. But we made it through.
I would have taken the full 12 weeks off through FMLA if I could have afforded it but as it is the 8 weeks off was very hard on us financially each time.
You can do this! And you and baby will be"h be fine and thrive. So much hatzlacha being sent your way.

21young

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 8:33 pm

I went back after 5 weeks with the first, and after 7 weeks with my second. Yes, it's really hard, but if as you say, you can't afford not to work then you really have no choice. As difficult as it is there's something nice about routine and I have found, ironically enough, that the rigid structure helps the baby adjust to a schedule better. I have found very good babysitters who are in touch with me at the slightest sign of something I should know about. I looked at it pretty straightforward both times, there's nothing to love or hate, this is life and you do what you gotta do.

B"h both children are thriving and are no worse for the wear.

mandr

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 8:44 pm

It's hard but you really both et used to it. You come to appreciate Shabbos and Sundays like never before! I pumped for 14 months and maybe that's what helped me be close to my baby while at work. I took advantage of nighttime nursing to bond with him and to keep my supply strong despite our separations.

The day I came back to work (8 weeks) my coworker had hung up a sign on my wall with a pic of my baby and a thought bubble that read "I miss my Mommy!" Which mader burst out crying but afterwards gave me comfort in a weird way!

boymom

Mon, Aug 10 2015, 9:57 pm

its hard emotionally in the beginning to leave your newborn with a stranger, but I must say , that babies adjust much easier than we imagine them too (unless the babysitter is awful). if a baby has its needs met, then it should be fine with any caretaker. you'll give your daughter all the love you can when you pick her up and take her home.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 6:54 am

I'm not a mom yet...but IYH will be in a few months. So I can't talk from experience here, but it's all over the news that Netflix is giving their employers up to a full year of paid maternity and paternity leave, you can always take a job with them Wink

but in a more serious note, I teach very young children, and I think the separation anxiety is more in the parents side than the child's side lots of the time! The kids may even cry for the first week or even two, but after that, barring any extenuating circumstances, they are fine Smile

disclaimer tho: once I'm a mommy, I'm sure I'll do the same thing!! It's a mommy thing!!

mha3484

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 7:36 am

I took a new job when DS was two months old. We need the money so I don't really have a choice but DH is self employed so the baby stays with him instead of daycare. It helps so much to know he is with his father.

When he is one this coming fall iyh I might send him a few mornings a week to give DH a break but men can watch babies too. I highly recommend if DH is not working and money is tight to skip day care and let DH do it.

lfab

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 7:40 am

With my first 2 kids I had to leave them with a sitter at 4 weeks and 3 weeks respectively as I was in graduate school and could not miss more class (I was actually lucky because both were born right before a break so I got a week more than other women in the program who had to come back after 2 weeks). The first few weeks while baby becomes comfortable with the sitter are the hardest. After that they are happy with the sitter and so they don't do the sad face that pulls at the heartstrings. At this point we've been using the same sitter for over 6 years and are so so happy with her that leaving my most recent newborn there was not an issue at all because I was so comfortable with her and knew my baby would be happy. In fact, my babies all got to the point where they cried when I picked them up because they wanted to stay with the sitter! I actually think that because my babies always started with a sitter pretty early (longest was at 7 weeks) it was easier because they weren't really aware of the fact that a "stranger" was taking care of them. The older the child the harder it is because they are more aware of their environment. I think that for most women it's harder on them then on the baby. WE are sad to leave our babies and that we can't be home with them and so we project our feelings onto the baby and say baby is sad when we leave. The truth is that 12 weeks is still really really little and really too young for stranger/separation anxiety. Of course baby realizes it's not you holding her but it probably doesn't really bother her all that much.

The most important thing is to look for a sitter who is warm and loving and will interact with your baby and shower your baby with affection.DO YOUR RESEARCH and only use someone who comes highly recommended (good reference from several people at least!).