Are you going to help me start this?

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 12:26 am

I'm extremely frustrated with husbands financial situation... Or lack thereof. Sad

He just hits dead ends when looking for new jobs and his current commission situation isn't bringing home much, if anything at all.

And realizing from imamother... I ain't the only one with financial woes to share. Yet also realizing from imamother there are quite a few on here that are not hurting financially either.

So I decided instead of banging my head against a brick wall
LETS ALL WORK TOGETHER
To make a program where husbands that are actually doing OK can offer to either try to help someone find a job whether in their workplace or elsewhere or can mentor with skills or a trade and we can make mentorships and help so many financial and shalom bay is issues for fellow imamother.
I can make an email address where people can contact me either with a hub that can mentor hire or take on a "hub" to find a job as well as mothers that are desperate to get their husbands hired or set up financially.

Feed a man some fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime.

Any thoughts?
Critiques?
Ideas?
Lemme know what you think.
Thank you!

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 1:37 am

Thanks for your replies. As far as parnassah network (duvi honig), and PCS for that matter too, they have tried to help but unfortunately in his and in many other peoples situations both have not been able to help. We know people that were helped by them but its a crisis at large and just like shidduchim some shadchanim will be successful with some ppl but not with others.

So a smaller or new network is always helpful and that's why I want to make something for our amother network and hubs.

Again, I'm not doing this just for my hub but for all amithers on here that may be helped.

I understand that many people may not want to post on this forum to be able to retain anonymity on here so I made an email called bitachonmatchup@gmail.com (or pm me on here) where ppl that can help can email and ppl that need desperate help for hub can email.

What we need is very specific.
Husbands that are willing to take on a "hub" to help out.
Someone like my husband has sent so many dead ended resumes he is ready to give up. He needs someone that can say I can help you. And either see if he has skills that can work in his own business, or can try to help "hold hand" til he finds a job that works for him.
Or guys that can hussle around their friends and business colleagues and say, listen guys, I have a great guy that we need to get set on his feet in a job, let's pool positions we know about that can help him.
We can set up multiple husbands this way instead of leaving them to send empty ended resumes with no luck and being forgotten abt.

If you have jobs to hire let me know also, and maybe we can make a job board on here though I think we need to focus on salaried jobs and jobs tht don't need major degrees and experience.
Many of the jobs we've seen posted either consider these guys binder qualified or over qualified as they all into middle ground.
(Dh has a BA but no experience in that field and his strengths lie out of the field but many looking to hire want cheap labor so won't consider while others say he doesn't have the experience in their field they want and aren't willing to train.)
But again not just for my dh. For everyone. We need to find guys willing to take these guys and put them on their feet cuz they are at give up point and throwing in the towel. My friends father lost his job in 2009 and has yet to find another job. He doesn't even try anymore. These guys need someone to make it happen.

Not just NYers or Israelis, but all amothers out of town too! If your husband can help, I bet families would move to be helped.

I'd love suggestions on how we can make this run smooth and not fall off with the wind.

(Edited cuz my keyboard disappears and somehow I manage to hit submit before I'm done typing!)

GreenEyes26

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 7:21 am

Bitachon101 wrote:

I don't know. To me, it sounds like you're looking for a magic cure-all that will someone how fix this supposed "parnassah crises". Having a mentor doesn't automatically mean he'll help you find a job. You keep saying things like "pool the jobs together" or "hold thier hand and find them a job" but how would this really happen, realistically? A man with no skills is still a man with no skills, even if a successful version of himself tries to help.

I'm just confused as to what you really think will happen.

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 2:35 pm

I don't think that I will end the crisis but I do think we can help many people who are in similar situations by taking successful business people in our community and having them partner with someone who is hitting dead end after dead end to try to help out.
The same way that working and networking in shidduchim and kiruv don't fully solve the crisis but need extra personal intervention.

Some people need someone to pull them out of a rut when they are ready to give up. No matter how encouraging I am. I'm not expecting magic cure but intervention by those who have been successful may help people.
Some people have better connections, skills and mazel. I have a relative that many years ago was getting nowhere and some successful businessman had hakaras hatov to him for helping out his son with a personal issue and decided to step in and help this man become successful in business as a thank you. He literally set this relative up and he BH has been extremely successful for the past 30 years. Unfortunately this relative has not stepped in to help out when we turned to him for guidance or help. By I have no Tainos as each person can decide what their chesed level is. But if any mothers have husbands that can help guys out it would be an amazing help to do many people.

Please DO share with your husbands!

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 2:46 pm

ROFL wrote:

What field is your DH looking for. Did someone review his résumé to see if it is good. Does he practice interviewing skills with someone who can critique him?,

He doesn't know! He's been in sales and hates it. I don't want to give too many personal details on public forum but his BA is only worth its paper but not the field for him and he is really open to multiple business options as long as there is training involved.
He had a professional do his resume, they really did a poor job and I fixed it up for him.
He has had some interviews but mostly doesn't even get interviews. Often the response is either no answer, too qualified, or under-qualified.

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 2:47 pm

amother wrote:

My dh is an aerospace engineer, he has helped other frum engineers and computer scientists in their internship and job searches. But, he couldn't help a businessman. He would be lost. We found that finding a frum jew in your field who has seniority by climbing the ladder step by step was the biggest help to give up tips and to tell us what and how to do. Can your dh find someone to connect with? LinkedIn was how we found my dh's mentor; his name popped up one day and we thought lets look him up in our community phone book.

This.
He helped out others that he was able to help.
That's what I'm suggesting. That's all.

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 2:56 pm

amother wrote:

I think this definately has potential. Every person is different with diff skill sets and backgrounds, and some just cant find the right mentors/connections to break into their field. DH went to school to be an electrician and couldnt find an apprenticeship so he couldn't go any further and now is making close to nothing at a dead end job thats not a long term solution and nothing to do with electricity. I think putting heads together and matching skills sets and job prospects can be really really helpful.

Perfect example.
I'm sure that there is SOMEONE on here whose husband can help this man!!

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 3:45 pm

GreenEyes26 wrote:

Are you suggesting we shall knock on your door for tzedaka money instead?

Shall a girl with lesson in terms of looks yichus and money be left to fend for herself in shidduchim? Shall a person who wants to grow intorah be left to fend for themselves?
Shall a child with learning disabilities be left to fail through school?
Of course not. All may need some extra intervention with someone to get them through their challenge. With someone that cares and takes the time to care.

Well let me tell you, as it seems you have no idea what its like for someone who hits dead end after dead end in parnassah.
Its hell for them and hell for their family and they feel like a worthless piece of trash and give up trying.
You have no idea what's going on in your neighbors house and they will never tell you. They fear to be looked at like they trash they feel like.
They feel like invalids.

So if you happen to have a tool that could help them... Is it so terrible to put your arm around their shoulder, whisper in their ear and tell them I know ur going through a tough time and you don't have to hide it from me. I'm going to do my best to help you out of it.
When someone comes on here suicidal and depressed, everyone tells them they are there for them and holds their hand.
WHEN SOMEONE FEELS LIKE A LOSER CUZ HE CANT FIND SUCCESS ANYWHERE IN THE PARNASSA REALM AND CANT SUPPORT HIS FAMILY HE TOO NEEDS THAT HAND HELPING HIM OUT OF THE RUT!
Im not asking for everyone to give up their life for these ppl.
I'm asking for people that have success to reach out and pull one guy out of the rut that isn't having success.

I don't know why that is such a terrible crazy unrealistic idea.

These guys aren't just lazy bums and saying do everything for me.
They are guys that are at a dead end and don't know where to turn.
They want to work. They want to be successful. They've tried but are lost.
I look at it like learning disabled in the field of parnassah. They need that extrextra guidance. I mean this in the most unhurtful way to all of us out there going through it. I mean it as a way to explain to those who have no idea and can't know cuz they've only tasted success.
Imagine if every single avenue you tried was a failure after failure.

Is it so foreign and unrealistic to try to network and find ppl that can get involved to help these situations?
Maybe I'm dreaming.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe there are no ppl with hearts out there (unless they get a plaque hanging on the Brooklyn bridge talking abt their great donations).
If that's the case maybe I should just give now before I try to help facilitate this to help whoever can be helped.
And maybe we should all just be hopeless and collect door to door so we can feed our families.

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 3:58 pm

sneakermom wrote:

I am curious to know your husbands best talent. The job that worked out best for him in the past. And his area of weakness.

Ive found that dh in our personal situation was good in a management setting.
When given a task that needs to get completed, with clear direction of what the needs are and orchestrating them.
He is also an "idea factory" which makes it hard cuz he's more of an imaginer than a realist.
He enjoys researching things on Wikipedia and is pretty good with written linguistics. His person to person communication is OK but he isn't the most eloquent in verbal speech of mouth in uncomfortable situations (hence interviews are not his strong point).
He's been doing sales but his success has been more in emails than in verbal. And recently hasn't been any at all.
His weakness is in not always seeing all the details, not being the quickest learner (but he isn't slow just needs clarity and review) and not being the most social situation lover.
This makes it hard in the job market as people look for A+ students and he is probably more of a B- or C in terms of comparison to others that may apply.
He would love to run a business but he needs that partner with a business head and business sense in order not to totally flop it.
Cuz he is more of an idealist than a realist. And he doesn't have a penny to his name to start one.
So he is back to square one.
And goes to bed every single night saying I'm such a failure! I can't even make a living for my fam.

mha3484

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 4:10 pm

I think your idea has merit. There is someone in my community who runs very successful networking events and could probably give you tips. His name is Shalom Klein and his org is JewishB2B. http://www.jewishb2bnetworking.com/

But one piece of advice from someone who has tried out a few fields with mixed success and now works in a field she really likes and is better suited for. I also got a break from someone in my community BH. You have have to have solid skills and a plan and be motivated to grow. If someone puts time into helping you, when you get a job you have to make sure you can back it up. Take any courses you can find while you have down time. Become certified in an area. See a career counselor to see what you are suited for. Don't let yourself feel like dreck. A personal example, I work in staffing, I sign up for every webinar offered by LinkedIn and read the slides later. I am already planning on taking the certification exam they offer. I read a ton and try to be informed about my field. It makes you feel more productive too!

Hatzlacha OP.

Bitachon101

Tue, Aug 11 2015, 4:29 pm

freedomseek wrote:

Let your husband do the looking for a job and you encourage him.... Let him own his experiences and you your own.

Wow. What a great idea.
Apparently you are blessed that you have no clue what you're talking about.
May Hashem continue to bless you.

Also, I'm trying to use my situation as a catalyst to help others in the same boat. What does your answer add to this?

I'm sorry if I sound attacking. I'm just amazed at how ppl have an attitude of mind your own business and let everyone be a man for themselves.
What happened to eglah arufah? If a guy does of starvation and he lived near you... You will be punished for not helping him.