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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Beige
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 Fri, Aug 14 2015, 6:53 am
OP you were not being mean, your family comes first. However, consider that we don't know all the details and dynamics of the relationship So we're impaired as far as advising you. It also doesn't sit right with me not to help them. I disagree with the amother who said cosigning almost always goes wrong. I live in Israel where friends cosign for eachother because that is what's needed, and have rarely if ever heard of problems.
With that said I have close relatives who asked for a loan and I was forced to say no so I really understand how tormenting this must be for you. Sending you a hug.
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amother
Navy
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Fri, Aug 14 2015, 7:00 am
| yOungM0mmy wrote: | | I'm sorry, but it just doesn't sit right with me, especially as a basic aspect of kibud av va'em (providing food, drink, clothes and transport). [snip]. |
Dh and I were told that kibbud av va'eim means, Making sure your parents have food and clothing--using THEIR own money! (We asked after having been put into a similar situation.)
Did you know that if you extend a loan to your father and he defaults, you can take him to b"d??
I think there is widespread misunderstanding of the requirements of kibud av v'eim, which is fine when parents are emotionally healthy, stable, mature, responsible, etc. But when they aren't, these misunderstandings can put well-meaning children into a very bad situation.
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PinkFridge
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Fri, Aug 14 2015, 7:06 am
OP, you are in a very difficult situation. It seems very clear that you need to say no. Helping them buy a car is a nice idea but don't initiate it. The kind of car they can afford and that you can afford to help them with may end up needing a lot of work and maintenance and you don't want your choice to come back to bite you. However, if they say they found a car and you want to offer a few hundred, that might be nice if you can do it.
Iy"H they will live a long healthy life. By the time they'll need serious help you will be"H be situated to offer it.
You can't do loans at this point in your life. Talk to a rav about your obligations. You may want to ask the rav to direct you to a discreet, knowledgeable professional such as lawyer, accountant who can advise you too. Most cities will have such people who are oskim b'tzorchei tzibbur be'emunah and know everything that goes on in town.
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amother
Amber
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Fri, Aug 14 2015, 7:07 am
When we bought our first car, neither of us had had any credit before (because we didn't like the idea of credit cards) so it was difficult to a) get a loan b) with a good APR. My parents agreed to cosign after deciding that they would be OK with paying the monthly payment if it ever came to that (though we hope and definitely plan that it won't) and that we MUST tell them if we ever cannot make a payment in advance.
Unless you are willing and able to do that (and I completely understand if you're not), don't co-sign.
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