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What am I doing wrong? 1 Baby + Work + Home = !!!



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amother
Aqua


 

Post Tue, Aug 18 2015, 12:25 am
I have a 1 year old (who wants to be played with all day), work part time while he sleeps and I'm exhausted. When I write down what I do in a day it seems like not much at all...

6.30am - Wake up, breakfast for me and baby, play a little, tidy up from breakfast, clear up anything I didn't do last night, go to makolet to buy milk etc.

9.30am - Baby down for nap. Work one hour.

11.00am - Make lunch, baby wakes

11.30am - Baby has lunch, play

1.30pm - DH home. We have lunch, baby plays with DH, I work 2 hours

2.00pm - Baby goes down for nap, DH leaves at 3

3.30pm - Baby awake. DO some kind of outing or play at home, make supper for everyone

5.30pm - Baby has supper, milk, bath

6.30pm - Baby down for the night, I work

8.30pm - Dinner break with DH, then more work until 10.30pm


What am I doing wrong? I feel like I have no energy to keep my baby happy - I'm always lying on the couch, tired, no koach to play with him. And he gets bored easily.
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Smile1234




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 18 2015, 12:37 am
I had a similar schedule when my baby was that age. At around 15 months I started sending him out for 2 hours a day to a babysitter on my block, and it was the best thing I did! I felt like a person because even though I was working those two hours, I still was able to do a few things around the house without a baby trailing every step... Is a babysitter an option for you? Maybe from 11 - 1?
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June




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 18 2015, 12:38 am
No it doesn't look like you're doing much at all.

You're only taking care of your baby and making sure he's happy.
You're only taking care of the household and running errands.
You're only working and bringing in income.

Now let's see how much more you can fit into just one day.
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June




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 18 2015, 12:45 am
I see I just cross-posted with Smile. It's a great idea to send your baby out for a bit - it really helps to have some private time.

Sorry for the sarcasm in my previous post. I struggle with similar feelings on a daily basis, and before looking for solutions, I think the important thing is to realize that you're doing a LOT, just by taking care of the basics.

It makes sense that you're exhausted all the time, with all the stuff you do.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 18 2015, 1:20 am
I put 1 year olds in a play area (next to my computer), set up like a gymboree. I've got several balls in there, couch cushions to jump on, musical toys hanging from the play gate.

Here, like this:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pini.....5.jpg
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BatZion




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 3:37 am
OP- I just want to send you a huge hug first of all
Secondly- I think you're doing an amazing job- I've just started working very part time from home also with one baby and I wish I could say that I do half as much as you- I mostly don't even make one meal per day- thank Gd for a very special husband- you make two meals a day, take care of your baby and work an impressive number of hours a day- I'd love some tips!
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def




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 6:06 am
Sounds like you're doing a great job! I quit my work-at-home job when my baby was 6 months b/c I couldn't manage it all, and didn't want to send her to a babysitter.
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Volunteer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 9:54 am
I couldn't work at home with my energetic little baby. Babies need interaction, love, and learning. And they DO NOT have "off switches. "
so many people say, "You're home all day. You can work at home. Just put the baby in a playpen and ignore him for a few hours. He'll happily play with some toys alone, then watch a video you play on a loop until you both go insane, peacefully nap, then watch you quietly transfixed as you sit typing by a computer. Then you feed him and he sleeps through the night! It's so easy! If you have a hard time, you're a moron and your child is a demon. "

Maybe some babies can handle the playpen for a little while, but mine cannot for long enough for me to really concentrate on my work.

Like you, I sometimes become wracked with guilt over not generating income. My dh alwAYs tells me that raising the baby according to his needs is equally important, and I save us tons of money by never needing to pay for childcare, takeout, transportation to work, etc. Not to mention that he has a happy wife and baby to come home to.

Kudos to you, mommy. Never forget how important you are.
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 10:13 am
OP, you are definitely doing a lot, and what you are doing is not easy!! I've tried it before and it's really, really difficult.

But lying on the couch all day too tired to get up doesn't sound normal. Are you pregnant? Maybe get some bloodwork done. How long have you been feeling like this?
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amother
Brown


 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 10:15 am
volunteer- that's very disturbing- do people really just sit their baby in front of a video for hours.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 10:24 am
Hugs, OP. Just keep re-reading these answers. They are all true, every word.

There is nothing, nothing, more important than forming a human soul, which is what hanging out with, and relating directly to, a baby, is all about.

It can look like you are doing nothing. You are just there being interested in and pleasant toward the baby. It is not nothing. It is, in fact, everything. The world turns on early nurture. You are the most productive person in your area. Doing deals, building, and selling, are all nothing, compared to what you do. It can be hard to see that. There are no trumpets and no obvious rewards.

I think the man should do the money, and the woman should do the baby.

I wish earnestly you didn't have to do two jobs. I think one is enough. Division of labor.

Squeeze some more productivity out of your husband, and also cut back on what the house buys.

It is fine to wear simple clothes, very simple clothes indeed, and go nowhere for dinner or vacation, when you have small children. Great, great will be your reward later, when they are easy teenagers and wonderful adults.

Simply eliminate any friends who look down on such fruitful economies. They aren't intelligent enough to be your friends.

The kid, and sleep. Poverty is his problem. If you smile a lot when he comes home and the kid is obviously fine too (men can tell) this will be all right with him. If he needs instruction in that, administer it, but while still smiling. The facts will teach him. Men understand facts.

Continue to smile. There is a lot at stake and it all depends on your smile. Do that thing. Pull up the corners of your mouth. And sleep when the kid sleeps. The rest will take care of itself. Don't be so dashed responsible. Be female. You are. Nobody else can do that bit. So do what you are designed to do.

Nothing else matters. Smiles are very productive things. He will work ten jobs for that smile. But not for a scowl.

Hugs and hugs.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 10:53 am
I also have a baby, the same age, and have 2 work at home jobs. It is NOT easy!
I decided to send him to a babysitter for 3-4 hours a day because at this age, he constantly needs to be entertained.
Until now, I have felt just like you: I juggled housework, cooking dinner, making time for Dh, working, and caring for my baby, only to feel like a failure at the end of the day because I couldn't give 100% of myself to any of these tasks.
Now that I'll be sending him out each day, I'll use that time to work for two hours and prepare dinner. This way, once he is asleep for night, I can work another few hours and be right on schedule.
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Blue jay




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 11:35 am
amother wrote:
I have a 1 year old (who wants to be played with all day), work part time while he sleeps and I'm exhausted. When I write down what I do in a day it seems like not much at all...

6.30am - Wake up, breakfast for me and baby, play a little, tidy up from breakfast, clear up anything I didn't do last night, go to makolet to buy milk etc.

9.30am - Baby down for nap. Work one hour.

11.00am - Make lunch, baby wakes

11.30am - Baby has lunch, play

1.30pm - DH home. We have lunch, baby plays with DH, I work 2 hours

2.00pm - Baby goes down for nap, DH leaves at 3

3.30pm - Baby awake. DO some kind of outing or play at home, make supper for everyone

5.30pm - Baby has supper, milk, bath

6.30pm - Baby down for the night, I work

8.30pm - Dinner break with DH, then more work until 10.30pm


What am I doing wrong? I feel like I have no energy to keep my baby happy - I'm always lying on the couch, tired, no koach to play with him. And he gets bored easily.


How about swapping dinner break with dh for work time only. Eat dinner with baby at 5:30. This way when dh finishes his dinner you can free up your evening with him and not be doing work until 10:30?What about morning naptime, at 9:30 become your self care time? You need personal down time, its missing from your schedule.

Also, Can you can get some work done while your 1 year old is awake?. Playpen and toys,

dvd,music cds, pots and pans, while you fit in some work time? Keep 1 year old nearby and busy while you do some work. Could you try this around 1:30 or 3:30? You might get a half an hours work in there.

Just some suggestions, I can see how you are tired. Working from home has no breakrooms unfortunately. Therefore you need to establish some down time for yourself.
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Volunteer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 24 2015, 3:08 pm
amother wrote:
volunteer- that's very disturbing- do people really just sit their baby in front of a video for hours.


I was specifically given that advice by a mother when I told her about my guilty feelings about not contributing financially. She worked from home with a baby and that is apparently how she did it. Incidentally, on another occasion, she also complained that her kids' heads were too flat in the back.
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