Dog phobia affecting my job

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 10:57 pm

My current company is moving locations to a bigger office in a week or two.

Once in the bigger office, a senior partner who currently works out of the office will be working there full time, along with his large dog. The boss purposely chose a "dog friendly" office in order to make this partner happy.

I have a deeply entrenched dog phobia since childhood, so please DO NOT tell me to get over it. That will not be helpful.

This is NOT a service dog - it is an indulgence for the partner. Unfortunately, this particular partner does not like me very much (we've interfaced via email), and he has influenced the boss to think negatively of me.

I'm so, so sad because I finally have a job that I like and co-workers who are great. But I don't know what to do about the dog situation, and honestly, I do not believe that I could work in an office with a dog.

Any helpful advice?

(Anon b/c I've talked about this IRL, and my sisters/head-hunter friend are on this site. Hi KK and EC!)

BrachaBatya

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 11:29 pm

You have to either deal with your phobia in one way or another, or switch jobs. I would say try to keep your distance from the dog as much as you can, but seek some therapy for this in the meantime. Dogs are harmless 99.99999999 percent of the time.

gp2.0

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 11:43 pm

Wow this sounds really tough. Will the dog be walking around or will he stay in a closed off office? This sounds like an unfair situation to put employees in - even for people who love dogs - because I imagine it would be distracting to anyone. Can you ask to be relocated to a different further part of the office or a closed off room?

If I was forced to face my phobia (swimming in deep water) by my boss who decided that we'd have all our meetings after jumping off the deep end (haha) I'd quit the job. It would be too enormously stressful to make it worth it. This is not particularly "good" advice but it's what I would do in a heartbeat. I accept my limitation - I am never going to be calm in deep water - and I'm ok with that.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 12:55 am

OP, I refused a job offer recently after the interview and acceptance process, because when I left the building I realized that smoking is acceptable in that office space. I won't change them, and I will not want to desensitize myself to this aversion. In your case, there are two differences:

A - it's a good job you're already workings at, so you've invested a lot in it

B - having an extreme fear of dogs has no positive aspect

For these reasons I would say it's worth investing in therapy to be able to hold on to the job and improve your quality of life at the same time. It can't be easy avoiding every dog on the street all the time, right? Maybe this situation is God's way of telling you it's time to deal with this trauma or whatever triggered the phobia.

Hugs to you, and hatzlacha!

P.S. If you suspect your job will be a lot less pleasant with this other boss who doesn't like you there on premises (besides the dog issue), maybe it's time to look into other opportunities. But if that's not a major concern, imho my advice above applies.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:03 am

Swimming competently is a necessary skill for being in deep water, and it takes a good while to learn. It needs to be practiced. The danger there is real.

Here though, there is no skill to learn. OP doesn't have to do anything. It is doubtful there can be danger; the dog is probably accustomed to its master's ideas about what it should do and where it should go, and won't misbehave.

So, it is possible OP can benefit from a hypnosis therapy, such as mentioned above by Aquamarine. That took one day. You can't learn to swim in one day, so that's not the same.

So maybe this can be solved. If not, life is long. OP can do many other jobs, and will. This isn't her last job or even necessarily her best job.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 7:53 am

Assuming you cant just quit your job, I see a few options here:

1. I would definitely seek therapy about this phobia. I know you say there isn't time but in general, it could come up again. At least get to a place like me where I really don't like them but it's not a fearful response. Very Happy

2. The new partner - you say you only interfaced via email? Nows a good chance to go talk to him in person and work on repairing your relationship. You could be completely honest with him and ask that you get an office far from his, with a door you can close, and if at all possible, to keep the dog on one side on the office.

3. Is working from home a few days a week an option?

4. This one you might want to ask a rav about - but what if you told them you were allergic? Maybe it's not a lie in the sense that your emotional response is so strong it's almost akin to a physical ailment? Idk if that's a stretch. And youd have to make clear it's not a strong allergy (people might comment, you can say you took your meds but still...) This way, they may legitimately make an effort to seat you in an area away from the dog and keep it away from you.

5. Look for a new job. I would stick this one out though if you can. I had an old job that involved a huge fear of mine - and although I've since left, it's nice to know that I could get past if I need to. And that that wasn't the primary reason for leaving.

PAMOM

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 12:45 pm

Phobias are generally very treatable in a short period of time. See a behavioral therapist.
I'm not trying to sound unsympathetic. My husband had a phobia that would have basically prevented him from continuing his training. He saw a psychologist and did some behavioral conditioning and had been fine for 25 years.

Last edited by PAMOM on Thu, Aug 20 2015, 12:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

Fox

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:06 pm

amother wrote:

4. This one you might want to ask a rav about - but what if you told them you were allergic? Maybe it's not a lie in the sense that your emotional response is so strong it's almost akin to a physical ailment? Idk if that's a stretch. And youd have to make clear it's not a strong allergy (people might comment, you can say you took your meds but still...) This way, they may legitimately make an effort to seat you in an area away from the dog and keep it away from you.

Please, please don't claim an allergy that doesn't exist.

This is precisely the kind of behavior that makes life so tough on people who have real, life-threatening allergies.

When the word "allergy" is demoted to mean "sensitivity" or "something I don't like," everyone stops taking allergies seriously and becomes rightfully suspicious and stubborn when faced with someone claiming an allergy.

OP, as other posters have said, phobia therapy is generally short-term and you see benefits immediately.

gp2.0

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:09 pm

I should add, though, that I agree with the others that it's worth at least trying therapy for the phobia.

In my case I accepted my deep water phobia after years of swimming lessons did not cure it, and additionally my fear of deep water does not impact my life in any other way for example I'm fine going on a boat over deep water with a life jacket, and I'm not scared of wading into any body of water as long as my feet touch bottom.

A comparable example for you would be to learn to tolerate the presence of dogs even if you're still not comfortable feeding or petting one.

PS I love dogs so I can't relate to dog phobia at ALL but I sure do know that feeling of illogical fear and panic that accompanies a phobia. It can be terrifying to even want to cure the phobia. Because that will take you away from a peaceful non confrontational place and force you to face an idea that terrifies you. But imagine, after you do this you'll be free. No more crossing the street every time a dog walks by. (Don't know if you do this but I know people who do.)

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:17 pm

Fox wrote:

I apologize, you are right. I don't have any allergies so I am not sensitive to that idea but thank you for adding your perspective.

perquacky

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:42 pm

I've never heard of a dog-friendly office or an office where you're allowed to smoke (what?!), but if I found myself in either situation, I'd run to HR as fast as possible. In my experience, the HR department must keep anything you tell them confidential, so this partner and your boss would never know of it. If your comfort level is being challenged, I think you have a legitimate claim.
At least, HR could lay down a few rules, ie. the dog cannot be allowed to roam the halls and must stay in its owner's office all day.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Aug 20 2015, 1:52 pm

perquacky wrote:

Dog friendly offices are not uncommon in some private sector businesses and even some public sector agencies. And I'm not just talking service animals.