It's another party every day

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 7:48 am

I work in a large office in a division with about 60 people.

The culture of the office seems to be lots of parties and events.

The only thing is that we are a non profit so there is no budget for social events or if there is, it is very limited.

So they are always sending out emails collecting money for this party or that party. It is getting to be very expensive.

I have no problem contributing to the annual picnic and the x-mas party once a year but this is getting excessive.

They do parties for baby showers, engagements, goodbye parties, Halloween etc. They even ask if you can contribute for a gift as well as the food.

I don't want to seem like a spoil sport but with 60 employees in the division someone is always going to have a life event. If every few weeks I am contributing to a party for someone who I honestly have nothing to do with I am going to be out of a lot of money. (Also its not like I can actually partake in any of these events since nothing is ever kosher so I don't even save money on my own lunch.)

I am considering starting a personal policy to contribute to company events but not to personal events but I don't want to come across as rude. What do you think?

amother

Pearl

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 9:14 am

I find that at a certain point in the growth of a company, it's necessary to scale down due to the sheer size and number of events. We had to deal with too at some point.
The hard part for you is that nobody else seems to have issue with it. At my firm we kind of all started pulling back as the money started getting out of hand and the issue kind of just corrected itself.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 10:12 am

Perhaps it's time to have a discussion with Human Resources about this issue. Many larger companies have a monthly recognition coffee time. The company buys the cake and the employees can choose to attend if they want to. Baby showers are totally inappropriate in the workplace.

Scrabble123

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 10:14 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

Baby showers are totally inappropriate in the workplace.

I agree entirely. Are you being socially forced to contribute between your fellow workers, or is your job actually demanding that you pay for party after party?

amother

Blush

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 10:40 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

I don't think that'd so true about baby showers anymore. Many buttoned-up corporate workplaces do baby showers for coworkers. It's not done like a Sunday afternoon brunch with silly games and unwrapping presents, but it is totally considered normal to have some cake and coffee and bring gifts for the mom to take home. I had to actually be really adamant to my coworkers to NOT make one, and had to explain to several people who asked that Jews don't do baby showers. I learned that Italians also don't do them and for similar reasons, when an Italian coworker also was very insistent about no shower.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 11:59 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

I also want to add that if it is a company event, the company should be paying for it.

Its a non profit. There are no funds for this sort of thing but the employees want a holiday party so they arrange something and everyone contributes.

I am OK with contributing to something like that since the picnic/holiday party/July 4th party are once a year with set parameters.

Its when we get into personal events that things are getting out of hand. With 60 people in my department that could be more than 2 dozen parties a year.

What should I do? Do you think it would be detrimental for me to not contribute or join these events. I will add that I sit right next to the conference room so it will be glaringly obvious if I stay at my desk. I guess I can leave my desk before it starts. I just don't want to be viewed as unfriendly.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 12:01 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

I agree entirely. Are you being socially forced to contribute between your fellow workers, or is your job actually demanding that you pay for party after party?

It is completely social. The company does not solicit from the employees.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 12:08 pm

Iymnok wrote:

I'm sorry I'm over my budget
Make yourself a rule that when asked you can present. Others may follow suit. Go and not eat/benefit from those who do contribute.

so do you think its ok to go to the party as a sign of friendship but not take soda/fruit/chips?

(that would be the only benefit I could receive anyway from the party since nothing else is kosher)

Scrabble123

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 12:11 pm

amother wrote:

It is completely social. The company does not solicit from the employees.

So then this has nothing to do with work, human resources or the like. Just say, "No." Even if it would be appropriate for you to contribute, no one can force you to....

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 1:16 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

So then this has nothing to do with work, human resources or the like. Just say, "No." Even if it would be appropriate for you to contribute, no one can force you to....

What would you think of a coworker who never joined in? Would you view them in a negative light? It is very important to be on good terms with coworkers in the environment that I work in. How well you produce is less of a factor than how well you network for my particular industry.

Scrabble123

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 1:18 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think that it's an all or nothing concept.
You don't have to attend every party to be a good co-worker or a good worker.

Amarante

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 1:33 pm

This is a hard one.

While it is true that being successful at work means there is a strong need to be social and be a part of the team. However being solicited for every life event for 60 people in a division is excessive. Most people, in my experience are solicited only for a small number of people who they actually interact with and certainly not for every person in a company - and 60 people is larger than most companies.

In my experience I was asked to sign a card for people but it was only for real friends or those people clearly on my team that it went beyond that.

It's hard to assess corporate culture. In my experience, a company would have a monthly birthday party and then only real friends of the birthday boy or girl might go out to lunch together. There were occasional showers but again invitations only to people who were real friends.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 2:32 pm

Amarante wrote:

Well it seems most of you agree that it's excessive. I guess I will try to avoid some of them for now and gage the reaction.

Thanks!

zaq

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 4:04 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

This.

OOTforlife

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 4:36 pm

I would be very cautious about discussing with Human Resources. Some HR departments and/or professionals are professional and discreet. Others are the opposite. Only discuss with HR if you believe yours to be in the former category. Otherwise, you could face far more blowback than you would for simply avoiding events.