Withholding issues/public toilet phobia

miami85

Thu, Aug 27 2015, 10:57 pm

My 4.5 year old took a LONG time to be fully trained--started before 3 and only got trained the point of "no daily accidents" a few months ago. Now his issue is he withholds #2. I would "let it go" but he gets really intense and starts acting crazy when he has to go, gets violent and really tantrummy. Took him to a GI who prescribed a laxative regimen for him--which I'm not so thrilled with, but it was better than giving him suppositories to make him go. Problem is now that he takes the laxative and "has to go" and while he's OK (not perfect) at home, but he's become phobic of public toilets (while I do stay home with him most of the afternoon now, there are times I have to go out)--don't know what triggered this, but he's scared of "falling in". I've tried calmly telling him that I'll hold him, he saw his younger brother sit on the toiled all by himself without falling in, even though he hasn't worn a pull-up in a while now, we were out shopping and he threw a screaming and kicking fit about going to the bathroom, so I put a pull-up on him and he went in there--and was kind of mortified now at making in his "underwear" I took him back to the bathroom to take off the pull up and tried suggesting he just sit on the toilet to see that he won't fall in (without the need to go perhaps he'd be more rational). We were a different store and he mentioned that he had to go and while I was shopping he fell in love with an expensive truck--now the GI had told him (with my prompting) that if he goes to the bathroom he'll get a BIG prize so I told him that if he went to the bathroom in the store I would get him the big truck and again he was quite torn--really wanted the truck, but WOULD NOT sit on the toilet. I've already ordered a foldable potty seat, other than that any words of wisdom?

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Aug 28 2015, 1:17 am

He has my sympathies. I avoid public toilets at all costs. Especially for bowel movement. (In my 30+ yrs there is only 1 time I can remember having a bowel movement in a public bathroom) wouldn't even go in the hospital after giving birth and the nurses weren't too happy!
I know, not helpful.
Maybe try to ignore him and don't offer him to go. Wait until he asks. If he tantrums, treat it as a regular tantrum. He needs to be ready to try on his own terms.

animeme

Fri, Aug 28 2015, 2:19 pm

The foldable seat may solve your problem.

I have a ds who did this too. We used to lug his potty seat everywhere, but we forgot once, and for the next year he would only go at home.

Based on my experience with this child, my advice is to do your best on this and to keep an eye on him others to see if he is sensory, because this can be a hallmark sign . If you see any indications, get an eval, because at this age (assuming US) you can get OT covered.

Getting some OT can help this issue too. He may be withholding because he feels more than most people and doesn't like how it feels, which is why he goes crazy when he has to go.

miami85

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 10:45 pm

He already gets OT--but hasn't had it in over a week b/c of break between school and school, though I can't say that I saw a big difference when he was getting OT (though this week he has been worse overall). I don't have a problem per se that he doesn't go in public places, but he barely goes at home and there are times I just can't stay home all day waiting for him to go, and it will happen that he needs to go and just WON'T. Its so mind boggling b/c there are times that he goes by himself and I tell him how proud I am of him, we give him treats and hugs and praise. Then later in the day he gets nutty, and defiant, driving his siblings nuts, kicking, hitting, scratching, turns into a whole power struggle, and we live in small quarters so there isn't a lot of space to get away from him in this mode.