Can't stand the sheitel look anymore

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:27 pm

I am married for several years and for some reason, I am growing to hate the look of a sheitel. Maybe it is because I have never owned a good expensive sheitel that made me look gorgeous.
I want to look normal and natural. Women that wear cheap unnatural sheitels look like nebach to me, myself included, I feel like a slave who is forced to look like that. They are no different than scarves worn by muslims to me. It is obvious to everyone that a woman is wearing a nest of stranger hair on her head.
Long, flowing sheitels make women look like ~~harlots~~ dolls, it is too dressy and preppy. When I am at a simcha I sometimes feel like "What the hell is wrong with you all, why do you have to look like clones of a Shuly add? Why can't you be yourself?" Everyone is wearing the same flipped out bangs, waves.

There are very few sheitels that I like, some of them expensive and some not. I am dying to get a sheitel that looks and feels like my own hair, not fancy but real.

Can anyone relate?

thunderstorm

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:40 pm

I cant say I HATE putting on a sheitel but I definitely feel like throwing a tantrum when I need to put one on every day...I also feel ugly in mine..it's just that I dont have $2000-$3000 to buy really nice ones. I agree that the long overdone sheitels are strange looking especially for day to day wear...(perhaps a wedding is an exception) I actually am very tempted to wear decorative scarves with jewels on them, such as I've seen on "wrapunzle"...I just think I'll stick out like a sore thumb in the community I live in...I actually bought some of these colorful scarves and wear them sometimes around the house...they actually bring out the beauty of my face (even my husband agrees!!!) I'm just working up the guts and maybe one day I'll just walk into my office and shock everyone with a scarf on my head

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:41 pm

I really cant relate. I like my wigs. and I dont care to look somwhat similar to others. I dont have that issue that others do. and I am mightly proud of wearing a wig. I know I am doing what a bas yisroel should and I know I am getting schar for it. for some reason you think everyone hates those looks. here is someone who doesnt. I had terrible hair and now I put on a wig and not an expensive one, and I feel so much better. I dont have to spend the time worrying if its nicely styled or whatever. no frizz issue, no worrying its so thin you can see my scalp. I think you have an issue here and if you would understand the beauty of a bas yisroel you might look at it different. now anyone who wants to bash me go ahead......

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:47 pm

Note I didn't say I don't want to cover my hair. I said I want it to look normal. I guess you are lucky. Maybe I would have liked your shaitel too.
I didn't say everyone hates how they look. I said I hate the way everyone looks.

How come you don't care about frizz or nicely styled? Don't you have your wig washed and set? What happens when it loses it's set? I cannot afford to have my sheitels set frequently so I wlak around looking good one week long, and looking blah till the next wash and set

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:47 pm

and why do you say they look like nebachs? they are doing a beautiful thing. they are trying not to spend who knows how much money like 2000-3000 dollars and choose to have a peaceful life. so you look down at them for being an aishes chayil? I applaud those that stick to what they can afford and dont even care what youthink about them. cause they are above that. and what you think is nebach looking I might actually think is nice so its a matter of taste. so you have an image issue. thats the problem. you think if you had an expensive wig others will give more respect? noway. respect yourself for who you are. stop worrying what you look like and check your pocket how much you can afford. do the right thing nad walk with you head up high. can it be you just need a good sheitel macher that will make you look good. I find that is absolutely a must.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:50 pm

to op, if your sheitel doesnt hold up more then a week , you need to find a good honest sheitel macher. I had that issue a short while ago, and found someone that puts in rollers and that made a atremendous difference. ask around about that. hating how others look is your problem not theirs. you have an issue dont project it on others.

Raisin

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 3:53 pm

if you look at any put together secular woman, her hair likely resembles a sheitel and is a similar style to most sheitals. Sure, some styles work well with sheitals so they are popular.

However I kind of relate to what you say. I'm not good at buying sheitals. I have an ok one now which I get compliments on but they were $$$$ and I wish I didn't have to spend that money.

I love winter because I can wear a cute hat with any old sheital and it just looks normal. But that only works for shopping and school pickups, not indoor events.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:00 pm

ok I will answer the frizz question. you need to speak with a sheitel macher before you buy a new one about frizz, if thats your issue. my sheitel macher allowed me to take it home one day, and I put on the shower on hot, let the bathroom get humid.and took in the sheitel and it didnt frizz, thats how I got to buying the wig. it was less then a 1000$. I will be looking for cheaper wigs in the future bec I think its ridiculous that we feed theses sheitel machers this type of thing. there are cheaper and good ones too. you need a sheitel macher that does a good ojob in mho.

I think you hate how everyone looks bec of how you feeel about yourself. I think when you will feel better about yourself you wont notice others that much

black sheep

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:05 pm

aqua amother, I can relate. I didn't think twice about it when I got married, back then wearing sheitels was just what everyone did when they got married, but over time I started hating how they look. on me and on everyone else.

I don't like the cheap sheitel look, and I don't like the long hollywood hair wigs.

I don't feel like spending 3000 dollars on a sheitel either.

lately I have come to terms with my own personal compromise on the issue. first of all, I wear tichels and berets a lot. second thing, I revamped an old sheitel of mine, cut it shorter and more "natural" looking and added lowlights. I am very happy with how it looks. not as happy as my own hair, but it feels more natural, doesn't look wiggy and is much more comfortable because it is shorter.

but I have to say that when I see other women in sheitles, especially the long hollywood style hair ones, it feels so off to me and makes me want to uncover. I know, I am being judgey. but on the other hand no one can convince me that wigs are more tznius than showing your own hair, nor can anyone convince me that it is the look of a bas yisroel.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:07 pm

amother wrote:

Good for you. Not everyone lives in a place with a selection of sheitel machers.
And don't tell me those women are happy. Those who are happy have expensive sheitlach. Those who are not are my friends and they moan just like me because they don't have a better alternative.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:10 pm

amother wrote:

I thought so too. I thought sheitel prises were ridiculous. Then I went to a non-Jewish store that sell wigs for hairloss. Those prises are even higher for the same quality wig.

thunderstorm

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:11 pm

I honestly dont think it has to do with self image. I know multiple people that have had bad experiences purchasing wigs. It's a mazal thing. I just made Bar Mitzvah, I spent $500.00 repairing a sheitel, went to a very good sheitel macher etc....I thought I looked "ok" , nothing over the top but confident...then after the bar mitzvah one of my sister in laws (that is close to me and really cares about me) told me that there is something wrong with my sheitel and that it needs "work"...this is after putting in $500.00 of repair!!! Now I feel gross every time I put it on...perhaps it has to do with what she told me, but I'm also realistic and it doesnt look beautiful. When I get dressed every day, I wear nice clothes, jewelry , make up and shoes...but my sheitel doesnt match the rest of my look. I like to look put together...I'm someone that cares about tznius and is in no way against sheitels...some people look better in a sheitel because they didnt have good hair ,other's need to find the right one and the right cut...it's not as easy as you make it out to be. In addition, it's very costly to keep using sheitel machers for regular up keep...it's has become a real strain financially to be able to keep up with the maintenance a sheitel needs and anyone that cant afford going to a sheitel macher minimum once a month struggles with it, because they want to look good and they cant afford it...this is my own opinion of course, so please dont say that the person has an "image" issue...when it's a bad hair day you have a right to have "image" issues!!!!

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:17 pm

OP, I relate to every word of your post. Just came home from a wedding and couldn't stop staring at all the women (my friends!) and hating their shaitels.
I have been married for a very long time.
Finally just bought myself a $2400 shaitel.
I love it.
It makes me so happy.
It goes into a half pony, bun, can be worn down etc. etc. etc.
I love how I feel in it.
I'm so sorry I can't offer you a more practical solution.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:19 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Thank you.
Burlywood amother is blaming for caring what I look like! Good grief! Who doesn't?
I want to look in the mirror and see myself! I want to be able to send a message with my looks that is not "I have no money for better hair"! Yes I am not confident. I deal with non-jews a lot and I want them to look beyond my ethnic or religion affiliation

amother

Ginger

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:25 pm

I probably look like nebach to you. When I got married I purchased a really cheap sheitel online. When I say cheap, I mean under $20. I couldn't afford more expensive. I thought it was ugly and the color was not right. It was definitely wiggy. I however got many compliments and people asked me who my sheitel macher is. I didn't want to admit I got it online, so I would kind of divert the conversation. I also believed in this myth that a decent sheitel should be expensive and that you can't be a nice frum woman with a cheap piece of plastic on your head. But gradually I came to realize that you can actually look nice and feel like a woman with a cheap sheitel.

I still wear this sheitel. It is worn out but I like it after all. A couple of days ago, a presumably non-Jewish woman came up to me and told me she loves my hair. It already happened before, so I guess it doesn't look that bad.

mamalove7

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:34 pm

I just wear head scarves and wraps... I match them to my clothes, wrap them different ways, layer them sometimes... I think this look lets the beauty of a women shine on her face. She sort of radiates her inner beauty... even (or especially) when she does not wear makeup... I think self confidence is the prettiest thing... whether a shaitel is for you or not... that is a personal decision. Feeling good about the choice you make with the way you cover your hair is the most important thing...

amother

Beige

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:34 pm

OP, PLEASE edit your original post to delete the part that says long flowy sheitals make the wearer look like a "h**ker".

That is just not appropriate for this site, and it's unkind to say that when you know that many women here likely have long flowy sheitals.

Just say that that look isn't what you are going for, or you don't want something that glamorous. It sounds like you want something middle-of-the-road. Not very unnatural, not super fabulous looking. Just normal.

I think that a lot of folks may be able to relate or help you but will be offended by your comment.

heidi

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 4:36 pm

amother wrote:

A h**ker by any other name is still a h**ker.
If the shaitel fits . . .