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Did you choose your lifestyle, or were you born into it?
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:08 pm
if you chose your lifestyle- where did you come from, why did you leave, and why did you choose your current lifestyle? are you happy with your decision?

if you were born into your lifestyle and you are obviously still in it- are you in it because you like it that much? do you hate it but afraid to leave? something in between?

just curious.
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:15 pm
I was born chassidish and married chassidish. I don't love my lifestyle but neither do I hate it. A few things bother me about it, but the rest I'm ok with. there are actually some parts of the lifestyle that I like and I don't know if I'll have it elsewhere. I'm not really lacking anything enough to just make me seriously think of leaving. Especially cuz dh likes our lifestyle and has zero interest in leaving. Also, every lifestyle that I think I might like, I find something that I'll have a hard time with. so im staying chassidish for now and I hope I can one day be truly happy with this lifestyle.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:15 pm
Born FFB to BT parents.

Still frum and raising my kids frum, but I often find myself alternately religiously in turmoil (why?? how?? but?!? no!! UUUUUUGH!!) or apathetic (emotionally disconnected to save myself the anguish).

Wouldn't leave because life without Shabbos would kill me.
And it's not bad enough to make me cause pain to my family, both the future generations of my kids, and my parents, who gave up so much to become passionately frum Jews.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:15 pm
Born into it and hate SOME parts of it, not all.
But can't leave because I don't want to hurt my parents.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:18 pm
I can finally say I chose it!!! It took me a good few years though. I'm not totally settled but I'm in a muchh better place than I've been before.

I was born into an extremely sheltered Chassidish sect and still identify myself as Chassidish, but chilled Chassidish and unaffiliated. I chose a lifestyle that incorporates Lubavitch, Breslov, Satmar, and some Litvishkeit too.

I am much closer to Hashem, appreciate the beauty of Judaism and although I'm not on grounded footing, I feel like I'm getting there.

People should be able to choose their lifestyle with which to serve Hashem!
This is your life! The world is beautiful, and our religion is beautiful. And you should live it in joy and happiness, not with force, fear and repression. Derachehu Darchei Noam.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:20 pm
Plum amother, your post is what I'm referring to unfortunately.

I hope you can find clarity and happiness.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 8:32 pm
Lubavitcher, Breslov, satmar and Litvishe all together in one isn't my idea of being settled.

Can they even go together?
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:42 pm
amother wrote:
I can finally say I chose it!!! It took me a good few years though. I'm not totally settled but I'm in a muchh better place than I've been before.

I was born into an extremely sheltered Chassidish sect and still identify myself as Chassidish, but chilled Chassidish and unaffiliated. I chose a lifestyle that incorporates Lubavitch, Breslov, Satmar, and some Litvishkeit too.

I am much closer to Hashem, appreciate the beauty of Judaism and although I'm not on grounded footing, I feel like I'm getting there.

People should be able to choose their lifestyle with which to serve Hashem!
This is your life! The world is beautiful, and our religion is beautiful. And you should live it in joy and happiness, not with force, fear and repression. Derachehu Darchei Noam.


I sometimes wonder about such a lifestyle. like a chilled out version of chassidish. do you find it hypocritical sometimes? like dh in a shtreimel and you in a long sheitel- don't know if this is your case, im just giving an example.
and then everything is such an issue- choosing chedarim , schools, where does dh daven? which dayan do you go to for shailos? pretty much- where do you belong?
I sometimes wonder, if I move away and do my own thing, who will even know I exist?
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:48 pm
Born into a MO family and still am MO today. and happy with it.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 11:58 pm
Born into chaos and dysfunction, chose to be Charedi for the structure and holiness.
Discovered that structure doesn't eliminate dysfunction, and Charedi doesn't mean holy.
So, created a family centered, unstructured, healthy lifestyle.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 3:42 am
Am FFB in a JPF family with everyone going to BY and yeshivos. I'm still that life style, but not the same types of schools. The reason for that is where we live (not that there aren't, but it's complicated) and my dh would prefer not for now with the younger ones. I'm very happy, but times I wish we were more, but it's not easy.
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JMM-uc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 3:44 am
Born into it. Too afraid to explore or leave my comfort zone
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ahuva06




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:15 am
Born into it, did a little exploring, came back. Happy BH Smile
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:15 am
Born into it (MO). Mulled leaving as a young adult for intellectual- not lifestyle- reasons but then got a gimpse of non-Orthodox lifestlyes and didn't like what I saw so decided to stay, for lifestlye reasons. Decided to leave intellectual questioning in abeyance which is about where I've been holding ever since, though b"h both my knowledge and my faith have grown since then. Basicallly, I made a decision to accept certain tenets of faith as axiomatic and to build from there, w/o going back to probe certain core questions which in any case I suspect are unanswerable.
I believe - and this is what I tell my children - that every adult has to 'own' their faith, even if they are born into it and didn't seek it out on their own. This means, to me, that you have to make a conscious choice to stay and investigate what it means for you as an individual. You have to formulate your own personal creed within the reliigion, based on what you have learned and experienced and not rely on an automatic formula that you've been spoonfed. Optimally, this should be an ongoing process that continues throughout life.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:39 am
Born into Satmar and Satmar-style families. It did not serve us or our children well.

Now we live an MO lifestyle, with parts of neo-Chassidic/Rav Kook teachings shaping our hashkafah.

We are finally at peace. Thank god.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:51 am
Born into it, dh believes in nothing anymore. I'm not sure what I believe. Want to leave, but it's hard w kids, and the guilt feelings since I still believe somewhat.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:10 am
I was born into my lifestyle. Black hat, bais yaakov schools, Brooklyn yeshivas. Very open minded. Not at all yeshivish. I was raised with very healthy ideas about Judaism. Always loved being Jewish, love my religion. Always exposed to movies, tv, and books, etc... So I see the other side, and still think our way is much better!
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:58 am
amother wrote:
Lubavitcher, Breslov, satmar and Litvishe all together in one isn't my idea of being settled.

Can they even go together?


I kind of get this.
I'm a product of the BY system. Sorah Schneirer and Rav Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz, zichronam l'vracha, had something in common and that was the incredible wealth of Torah sources they drew from for the weltanschauungs. You have a Polish young woman who felt she had a mandate from the Torah of Rav Hirsch to teach women, and in fact had many western mechanchim on her "dream team." The Hungarian R' Mendlowitz was R"Y of a Litvish Yeshiva (and interestingly only hired Litvish rebbeim; someone of stature pointed this out recently and said he never found out why) yet exposed his bochrim to Chassidus and Tanya.

In some way, we're all mutts. We can all appreciate and incorporate the Torah and thoughts from a variety of sources.

Now back to tangerine amother: how does this translate in your practical life? What kind of school do your kids go to? Where do you daven? Who do you call for shailos and eitzos? Where is your husband comfortable learning if he's koveiah itim? Of course you don't have to answer, or give details, but I hope you understand that the answers to these questions will help you realize how integrated/synthesized/etc. your lifestyle is. You sound happy and grounded.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:59 am
Maya wrote:
Born into Satmar and Satmar-style families. It did not serve us or our children well.

Now we live an MO lifestyle, with parts of neo-Chassidic/Rav Kook teachings shaping our hashkafah.

We are finally at peace. Thank god.


I'm curious to hear more about neo - Chassidic/ Rav Kook teachings.

Do you want to explain?
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:59 am
Born into MO, had opportunities to leave and didn't, mostly happy but sometimes have a lot of doubt about things.
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