Did you choose your lifestyle, or were you born into it?

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Sep 05 2015, 6:47 pm

I grew up as a non Jew since my mother is not Jewish. My father is ashkenazi but almost doesn't know about it. I converted and became closed with my local Chabad house, they just changed my life. My dream was to also be a shlucha and, yep that's what I am today. I could never be happier of my lifestyle b"h!! Thanks Hashem for driving me where I am!

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 3:33 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

I was born into my lifestyle. Black hat, bais yaakov schools, Brooklyn yeshivas. Very open minded. Not at all yeshivish. I was raised with very healthy ideas about Judaism. Always loved being Jewish, love my religion. Always exposed to movies, tv, and books, etc... So I see the other side, and still think our way is much better!

This is me as well. Though as I got into my teens my family moved to the right and became "yeshivish" (got rid of the tv, stopped going to movies etc, father started wearing hat during the week as well...) I did not. I'm the oldest of many siblings and besides for the brother next in the family after me, my siblings are all (or are being raised) yeshivish.
I'm very happy where I am and feel that I chose it since in a way I did by not just going along with my family's right shift.

amother

Natural

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 3:47 am

Born into a very chassidish family
I had a problem with it as a teen
but as I'm reaching high twenties, I am learning more and more what "Chassidish" actually means
MOST PEOPLE DONT KNOW
and appreciating my lifestyle more by the day

I thank my husband for being patient with me, answering my thousands of questions
and letting me explore on my own
instead of forcing it down my throat

example: I wasn't comfortable shaving
he never made me do
maybe one day I will decide to

so basically I don't do ANYTHING because "thats what we do"
I fully understand everything I do

singleagain

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 4:52 pm

zaq wrote:

Ultimately, it's always a choice even if you stay right where you were born. You CHOOSE to stay there, which does not necessarily mean you like it. Even if you stay only out of fear or inertia, you choose to stay. Making no decision to change is making the decision not to change.

100% I agree with this, especially the bolded, as that can apply to so many areas of life

amother

Babypink

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:29 pm

Born JPF, but parents sent me to right-wing schools. My siblings range from MO to JPF to Yeshivish and my parents really let us choose our own paths.
I debated and argued with my teachers and spent hours reading, discussing and analyzing before choosing to marry a kollel boy.
My parents were very supportive of my decision but did not support financially. I've been living a yeshivish/chareidi lifestyle in Israel with DH in kollel for over 10 years and I love my life and I really feel that I made the right decision.

The interesting thing is that I am not "frummer" than my other siblings and we really all have the same hashkafos even though our outward appearances and lifestyles are so different.
I give my parents a lot of credit for that.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 1:37 am

amother wrote:

Lubavitcher, Breslov, satmar and Litvishe all together in one isn't my idea of being settled.

Can they even go together?

Different strokes for different folks Smile

. We are actually loving the mix.

I don't want to give too much info and give myself away. But just a quick summary:

I always loved Chabad and have incorporated it in my life. Breslov is the closest we have today to original Chassidus, and like Chabad, it has a lot of Simcha in it. I appreciate the wisdom of some of the major Litvishe Gedolim and their wives, and the stringency with Halacha in the Litvishe world.
And because my roots are in Satmar, I will always have something of Satmar in the mix.

I send my kids to non-affiliated Yeshivahs, some with a Chassidish touch.I also send them to Litvish summer camps and Chabad shabbos programs.

My husband davens in a Chassidishe unaffiliated shul and has a rebbe that he looks up to, goes to and asks all his shailos. This Rav does not belong to a specific Chassidus, but he's a very respected person in the Chassidishe world.

My husband wears his shtreimel and Chassidish garb and I wear my own style within our agreed parameters of Tznius. And because there are so many unaffiliated Chassidim in today's world, it's not anomoly to find a couple where the husband wears a shtreimel and the wife wears a longer length shaitel. It's actually pretty common. So while I don't go according to Chassidish standard of Tznius, I defenitely go within Torah standards.

We also have learned and make a distinction between Halacha and Chumrah and Minhag to make sure that we live a Torah life adhering to Halacha and taking on Minhagim or Chumrahs that enhance our Torah life and Avodas Hashem.

There are so many people that we affiliate with, that have chosen different, yet fulfilling and beautiful Torah lifestyles.
I strongly believe that every person must find their way, a way that fulfills the words of Derachahu Darchei Noam.

etky

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 3:49 am

zaq wrote:

Yes, it's a choice but I would hope that even people who stay out of fear or inertia find something that they love about the religious lifestyle. It's sad to think that there are people who are just going through the motions b/c they opted for the path of least resistance.

ChossidMom

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 4:17 am

What an interesting question.
I am FFB but I was born into a modern American family in the U.S. Young Israel.
We became more "right wing" from living in Israel but I was still much more modern - watched tv, movies etc.
When I was 31 I met my husband who is a chossid and I guess I "chose" to be chassidish. Well, I didn't really choose to become one and my husband never asked me to do anything but it kind of evolved. Now, I'm such a chossid that if my rebbe says to jump I ask how high.
Couldn't be happier.

amother

Rose

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 6:04 am

I was born into a chabad family to parents who became chabad. They are at the same time very conservative and follow the chabad line eg keep every last chumra on pesach but both parents are intellectuals so we had tons of books in our house. We weren't allowed to go to the library so I grew up reading kafka and dickens and history books for fun...

Still chabad to day, as are most of my siblings except one. Most of us including me are Shluchim in all sorts of semi-exotic locations.

We are not all the same...some of my siblings speak yiddish to their kids and don't allow any non Jewish books. One sibling is pretty much M.O in lifestyle although identifies as chabad.

We fall somewhere in the middle. We are big readers and no frum libraries around here and I can't afford to buy frum novels so I let my kids read secular books at home.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 9:09 am

The frum world I grew up in 35+ years ago was great. It has turned to the right and that world doesn't exist so much. Example when my brothers were Bar Mitzvah all the boys wore colored shirts. Their first hats were brown or blue and that was normal at the time.

My father taught in Yeshiva so we were very frum. We got the Time magazine every week, listened to the radio (it didn't have the explicit ads that are on these days), went to the library etc.

I allow my children to do these things but we have to keep it quiet as otherwise they will have issues in school.

I am sad that my world, my frumkeit does not exist anymore. I do have to admit the morality of our culture has definitely become much worse since I was a kid so I do understand why many want to shelter much more. I also feel with the population growth of Chasidim this has been a big influence on my Yeshivish world. (When I grew up there were about 2 or 3 Chasidsh girls schools in Boro Park. I wonder how many are there today?

zaq

Mon, Sep 07 2015, 5:24 pm

amother wrote:

Evidently you are of my generation. There was a whole mesorah (in which I was not literate) about which yeshivas wore blue, which wore grey, and which wore brown, and with or without a feather. The term "black hat yeshiva" meant something back then--black hat yeshivas were waywayway to the right, the kind that would expel you if they caught you listening to the radio or reading a newspaper. Now, of course, the term "black hat yeshiva" doesn't mean anything because all hat yeshivas wear black--and the pants and suits are also basic black. I'm not sorry they got rid of brown but blue and grey were nice if you wore a blue suit. I YEARN for blue and grey and not because I'm a Civil War nut.