DD is treyfing up my kitchen!

FranticFrummie

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:01 am

DD, 12yo, had impulse control problems, and doesn't pay attention to what she's doing. She knows everything there is to know about kashrus, and everything in the kitchen is very brightly color coded. A preschooler could figure it out. The silverware has very different shapes and textures on the handles. Everything is in separate drawers, on opposite sides of the sink.

This does not at all stop her from eating milk and cereal in a bright red bowl, with a meat spoon - EVER. Confused

I kasher as much as I can, and throw away a lot more things than I should (hot meat soup in a plastic milk bowl, etc.) It's so frustrating! I also worry about the times that I DON'T see her mix things up, and wonder how much of our dishes and stuff need to be thrown out or kashered.

I'm tempted to ban her from the kitchen, but at the same time, she's old enough now to fix her own snacks, wants to learn how to cook, etc.

I considered posting this under "special needs children" because of her issues, but I though maybe some of you other clever mommies might have some good ideas for me, too.

HELP!!!

(If you know me IRL, and I invite you over for Shabbos, I'll understand if you read this and then ask me to provide disposable plates. embarrassed

)

hila

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:22 am

Keep it cold. If you tell her she can only make cold food, she really cant treif anything up.

And the disposables is also a good idea. I think I would lock up my fleishics and let her use disposable if she wants meat.

And keep repeating the rules. Maybe everything looks different in the new country.

JMM-uc

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:23 am

Another vote here for paper dishes.

We use paper dishes all week except shabbos. I get them real cheap too. I buy סוג ג which means the design on the plate isn't perfect so they can't sell it with the other plates. I do use real silverware but you can use plastic if you must.

Good luck!

sped

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:31 am

I like the idea of only cold and making fleishig (or milchigs) off limits.
At some point she may be motivated enough to REALLY work on this. (She obviously is in control enough that she can putter around the kitchen safely.)

FranticFrummie

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:52 am

hila wrote:

She messed up my kitchen in the US, too, and she'd lived in that house for 6 years.

I really hate disposables. Plastic ruins the environment, and paper falls apart if the food is wet. Maybe I can find the more expensive, better quality paper plates and bowls.

The thing is, the way she just grabs whatever is closest, how do I keep her from using the good plates, without having to lock everything up? We're renting, and I don't think the landlord wants us drilling holes in the brand new cabinets.

imasinger

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 6:48 am

Have you tried signs and lists? Maybe post something like this in your kitchen:

STOP (on a big red stop sign)
Food Checklist:
_1. Did I take a meat plate for meat food/dairy fo dairy?
_2. Do my flatware and cup match?
_3. Do I know which counter (or sink) to put my things in when I finish?
_4. Do I remember which brachot to say?

Proper completion of the checklist entitles her to praise and rewards. (Yes, you can still do a reward chart at her age.)

Mess ups could have a consequence, but not a major one. Maybe washing all the dishes after one family meal, to help remind her which are which.

Or, she could then be given a few cheap plastic or glass plates of both genders that are for only her use, clearly marked. If she messes them up or uses something else, she pays out of allowance for replacement and/or kashers what is kasherable, unde your supervision.

israelgirl

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 7:13 am

JMM-uc wrote:

I want these for the chag! Where do you get them from? (The סוג ג ךשא

mummiedearest

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 7:17 am

I suggest baby proofing all your cabinets and drawers. she's old enough to open all the baby proofing devices. however, if you use one type of device for milchig and one for fleishig, I think she'll make note of it. since it takes extra effort to get past baby proofing, she may actually stop and think about what she's doing.

chavs

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 7:40 am

I'd suggest something like social stories to help her remember and having some sort of visual aid in the kitchen to remind her as well.
With the visual aid, the social story could be something like that " we keep kosher and have bright red for milk and blue for milk etc and when dd makes food, she has to remember to look at the signs in the kitchen "

For your piece of mind maybe something like glass would be helpful as well.
Perhaps also having stuff she can reach and stuff she can't so that all of the things she can reach are things like glass or disposables. I know some ppl who keep their cereal bowls and spoons next to the cerealfor example so the kids can easily take on the morning.
Other than that I'd suggest that you spend a lot of time with her on the kitchen so that you are able to discuss the steps with her about remembering what goes where.

Rubber Ducky

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 8:05 am

Some really good ideas here!

I'd try to make it easy for your DD. If you're not consciously thinking about what you do, you will either do the easiest (closest or within view) or you will do what is habit.

See what she likes to eat and try to keep the stuff she needs for it RIGHT THERE. Like a little caddy that holds some milchik cutlery and a few bowls next to the cereal IN PLAIN SIGHT — on the counter, on an open shelf, or hanging on the wall rather than closed off in a drawer or cabinet. Ikea makes some excellent inexpensive wall-mounted kitchen storage.

And make the fleishiks harder to get to or spot.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 8:51 am

These are some brilliant ideas! I think she'll really love the idea of having special plates and bowls that are only for her. I did this when she was a toddler, and it worked out really well. I guess we need to go shopping. Too bad there isn't a Pier 1 around here, most of the patterns I've seen are pretty boring, or made for babies. I'll probably have to go out to the mall to find a better selection.

A step by step chart won't work for her, because within a day or two it will just blend into the background and she won't notice it anymore. I can't be on top of her every minute of the day, and I really want her to be more independent. (She just asked me to put the mustard on her sandwich, because apparently I'm the only one who can "do it just right". LOL

)

Rubber Ducky

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 11:59 am

Maybe you'd like to paint/personalize a few bowls and plates with DD:
http://www.amazingglaze.net/process.html
I know there there are places like this in Israel.

Or personalize some as a home craft:
http://measuredbytheheart.com/......html
Sharpie and Pebeo both make oil markers. You set the paint in your oven, but the results are much less durable than going to a paint-your-own pottery store.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Sep 06 2015, 12:40 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

We've done Pebeo art before,with great results. I love that product! The only problem is, we don't have an oven yet, LOL. First things first. LOL