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Keeping our kids sheltered
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 2:32 am
How important do you think it is on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being extremely important) to keep kids sheltered from t.v. and secular movies and music?
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 2:40 am
A lot depends on your general attitude to the secular world and on your community.

I found it important to keep my kids away from junk, but not from good secular stuff. As they got older, the focus became how to discriminate. Our philosophy has always been that the most important filter is the one between your ears. As adults, they will need to make choices, and we want to help them develop that skill.

Of course if you live in a community where filtering is outsourced (others tell you what is acceptable) then you need to go along with the rules.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 2:42 am
My daughter is 7. She watches many many cartoon movies and even some real ones (annie, marry poppins)
She also listens to english music. I dont think there is anything wrong with it.

Obviously as she gets older I am sure we will make sure that things are appropriate for her age, but we will allow most things in terms of movies. In terms of music, whatever is on the radio really, we listen to, so of course we let her too.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 2:43 am
Deep down I believe its a 10. But in practice, I probably invest about 7/8. I really wish I could shelter the kids more.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 3:01 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
My daughter is 7. She watches many many cartoon movies and even some real ones (annie, marry poppins)
She also listens to english music. I dont think there is anything wrong with it.

Obviously as she gets older I am sure we will make sure that things are appropriate for her age, but we will allow most things in terms of movies. In terms of music, whatever is on the radio really, we listen to, so of course we let her too.


Thanks for the openness Shabbat. I'm curious if you're concerned about bad words popping up on the radio and whether she'll repeat them. And the media's influence regarding sx and romance. Times are not innocent in the mainstream world anymore Sad and movies, implicit sx jokes even in the most innocent cartoon type films.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 3:17 am
Depends what type of "t.v. and secular movies and music."

Sesame Street? Charlotte's Web? Vivaldi's Four Seasons?
I am glad to expose my kidsr to these.

Miley Cirus music videos? Superbad? Nikki Minaj?
I keep them far away from this mind-polluting garbage.


I screen things, and don't just turn on a TV channel or radio, etc and let anything and everything pour out into their eyes and ears. They can see movies I've selected on DVDs, etc. or watch specific channels.
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chavs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 4:03 am
Why do you think sheltering children is a good thing? What exactly do you achieve by this?
If you are asking if kids should spent all day watching tv regardless of it being uncle moshe or pokemon, I might be able to understand but the idea that children should be sheltered is something I don't get.

Perhaps clarify, what you mean and what you hope to gain by sheltering them.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 5:05 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for the openness Shabbat. I'm curious if you're concerned about bad words popping up on the radio and whether she'll repeat them. And the media's influence regarding sx and romance. Times are not innocent in the mainstream world anymore Sad and movies, implicit sx jokes even in the most innocent cartoon type films.
In terms of bad words popping up, when I was younger, my youngest sister came home from school having ;earned a song from a friend. they were maybe all of 4 years old. I dont remember the exact song, but there was the word sh*t in the song. My mother was terrified. but right away my mother explained to my little sister that that word was not a nice word and that we dont use it ever. I never haerd my sister say that word again. Seriously.
If my daughter will hear things on the radio, although we are in israel, so things are in hebrew and not the same curse words and things, but if she will hear things and repeat them, I will do the same as my mother. I will explain why we dont use those words.
In terms of the sx and romance in movies, I am not a tall worried. I grew up with it also. I turned out just fine. I knew when something was real and when things were not.
So far all of the cartoons she has watched are things I watched growing up and have no sx jokes in them. But again, as she gets older we will see. I wont outright forbid something unless I know it has something that is inappropriate.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 5:15 am
I don't know where you're coming from.
Generally these days people are editing more carefully than their parents did. The world has changed dramatically.
But there is no bubble. You can say, in our home we don't do xy and z (and please, please provide options for things that you do do) and you can find like-minded homes for your kids to play in. Know, though, that they will see or read something you won't like somewhere. But if you do it well, they'll say, "Wow, I get why my parents are creating the environment they are. I may do things differently but I can respect what they're doing." And this will act as a filter for them to view things through life.

Hatzlacha!
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 5:15 am
3. Maybe less. They are young, and right now I'm more concerned about sheltering them from the racism, and hatred that is drilled into most kids(and adults) they come in contact with.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 5:20 am
I don't believe in sheltering, I believe in education.

I let my DD watch prescreened, age appropriate things. I never, ever, let her watch them alone, especially for the first and second time. We often pause the show to talk about what we just saw, and discuss it. Sometimes a social story "Why was he so mad at that guy?", sometimes it's to say "Did you see how kind that girl was? That's good middos!", and yes, sometimes I stop it to explain that certain words are not OK to repeat.

We talk about zex being only between married people, and how dating too soon just causes drama and hurts everybody's feelings. We only date when we are getting ready to get married, etc.

By staying actively involved in all the media DD sees, it keeps an open dialog between us, and builds a wonderful relationship of trust. DD looks forward to the bonding time. She's 12 now, and still won't watch anything new without me, she actually WANTS me there!

By teaching her discernment, and how to critically analyze the media, she will be less influenced by random things that come her way, that I will have no control over. It's also helped her discipline her mind so that we can discuss societal trends, classic literature, archetypes in storytelling, and creative writing.

I have no regrets!
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 7:33 am
I guess I have a different idea on watching stuff on tv. I feel my kids wouldnt be able to concentrate on school. it does affect them in school. a sister of mine teaches in a school where the kids watch stuff. (5 yr old) and she said she sees a big difference between her own children not watching and the kids watching. their mind is consumed with it. even though you put boundaries on how long. its has an affect on how their brain functions. there are studies on it. dont recall where to find it. but there is. even the non jewish world agrees that tv isnt good for kids. not in connection to the couch potato thing its about how it affects the brain.
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Sadie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 7:40 am
sourstix wrote:
I guess I have a different idea on watching stuff on tv. I feel my kids wouldnt be able to concentrate on school. it does affect them in school. a sister of mine teaches in a school where the kids watch stuff. (5 yr old) and she said she sees a big difference between her own children not watching and the kids watching. their mind is consumed with it. even though you put boundaries on how long. its has an affect on how their brain functions. there are studies on it. dont recall where to find it. but there is. even the non jewish world agrees that tv isnt good for kids. not in connection to the couch potato thing its about how it affects the brain.


This is true, it's recommended that kids not be expose to ANY screen time before age 2. Almost impossible if you have older kids to keep under-2's away while older ones are watching.

I do plan to allow limited watching when I have kids though. And I'm a huge hypocrite- my iPhone is practically attached to my hand.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 7:48 am
just gotta say, that even adult jokes in kids shows/movies/etc. will tend to go right over most kids heads, even non-adult jokes. now as an adult I re-watch movies from my childhood, and go 'oh... /that's/ what they were saying, I never understood before, bc I simply couldn't understand the words'

anything that was good for me growing up, will be good for my future kids. with one exception, I sheltered myself a bit too much, so I would encourage my kids to branch out a bit, especially if I saw it affecting their social circles, the way I did to myself.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 8:48 am
I was raised in a very right-wing home with no TV, and despite the fact that I'm much more left-wing now, I like the fact that we had no TV because I turned into a bookworm, which I certainly wouldn't have with a TV in the house....
I'm divorced, and now dating someone who's slightly more right-wing than I am...who wants a TV in the house! (He thinks he learned a lot from TV.)
I think it really is a personal choice, and no one else can tell you how much exposure is okay for your children.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 8:59 am
I forgot to add, we don't have TV in our house. YouTube, Netflix, and DVDs, but nothing coming in that I can't pause or disconnect. Media is a privilege, not an automatic given.

I also agree that screen time should be extremely limited during grade school years, and reading should be the first form of entertainment, with movies being the last choice. All other forms of creative play and exercise should be encouraged before you resort to watching a show - not because of sheltering, but for physical and mental development.
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Another mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 9:00 am
If you shelter too much they will probably go to the neighbor to see things less "Sheltered". Better to allow it with limits and supervision like Shabbatiscoming said. We have our computer in the most open area of the house so everyone can see what the kids r watching.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 9:29 am
sourstix wrote:
I guess I have a different idea on watching stuff on tv. I feel my kids wouldnt be able to concentrate on school. it does affect them in school. a sister of mine teaches in a school where the kids watch stuff. (5 yr old) and she said she sees a big difference between her own children not watching and the kids watching. their mind is consumed with it. even though you put boundaries on how long. its has an affect on how their brain functions. there are studies on it. dont recall where to find it. but there is. even the non jewish world agrees that tv isnt good for kids. not in connection to the couch potato thing its about how it affects the brain.


Yeah, I meant to mention Rabbi Keleman's chapter on TV in his book To Kindle a Soul.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 9:40 am
amother wrote:
I was raised in a very right-wing home with no TV, and despite the fact that I'm much more left-wing now, I like the fact that we had no TV because I turned into a bookworm, which I certainly wouldn't have with a TV in the house....


Not so sure it's such a direct cause and effect. I was allowed to watch DVDs and online shows throughout my entire childhood and teenage years and I turned into a bookworm anyway, churning through 3-5 books a week when I had the time. Actually, the best way to turn your kids into bookworms is to read them books and read books recreationally yourself. The best way to get them to be more active outdoors is to do it yourself. Etc. If you (in general) think you can have your phone glued to your hand, plop on the couch and watch TV for hours and your kids won't want to do exactly the same thing, you're in for a surprise.

As for the OP, sheltering kids from outside influences is not a priority for me. My only priority is keeping the media and information they are exposed to as age-appropriate as possible.

During the summer I was pretty lax about screen time to save everyone's sanity. I couldn't bear sending them out in the heat for too long. But now that the weather will be gorgeous and school started, I will limit the amount of screen time they get for their mental and physical health, no sheltering involved.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2015, 10:01 am
I had tv and I'm a bookworm.
My dd watches and kah she is a top student.
LOL...

And yes I shelter from untznius, avoid long mentions of Nittel etc as a positive vacay, and what is too violent or very bad words. But I let most classic kid stuff.
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