So tired of bad teachers!

morah

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 1:27 pm

Sounds like you need to make a time to talk with the teacher pronto. I'm going to reserve judgment on whether she's a bad teacher. It's only been a few days and two poorly handled incidents (I'm sorry, but trusting an 8 year old to tell her parents the teacher needs a word? I teach high school and therefore generally leave the kids to their own devices, but if something needs to be brought to a parent's attention, you bet I contact them directly! To entrust a kid of any age with that message is just plain stupid). That screams inexperience, but no need to write off the year yet. Talk to the teacher and get a read on the situation. If she doesn't seem to care, or does care but seems inexperienced, get an administrator involved. Not to get her in trouble, but to help her navigate the situation.

SRS

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 2:06 pm

OP, is this the right school for your child? The reason that I ask is that I'm well of aware of children who suffer when it comes to understanding and processing the rules. It also sounds like every year for you is filled with the trepidation of "will this be an ok or good year?". I'm forgiving of teacher mistakes because learning to deal with more challenging students is, well, challenging. But it sounds like she wasn't briefed well in advance, doesn't understand that an 8 year old isn't developmentally able to pass on this type of message, and isn't being offered support to adjust. Are there any schools in your area where a student can stay on with a teacher for a year or two as the school offers mixed-age classrooms? Or can the school offer some support services for her to understand and process the rules.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 4:11 pm

Thanks for all of the supportive responses.

This is an Israeli BY, so that should answer a lot. The administration totally backs things like this - kids are sent to the principal every 5 seconds because some teachers can't handle anything unruly. We can't switch her for a few reasons - 1, they might kick out my other kids, 2, the MO schools are just as Israeli and don't sound much better for behaviorally challenged kids from what I've heard, and 3, there isn't a huge choice. We are really left to deal with the teacher.
That said, for being an Israeli BY, I have been impressed with their openness to helping us overall. The teachers really do want to hear what we have to say and implement our suggestions.
My husband ended up going down to the school to meet with the teachers today, and she was very happy about. She is also open to different suggestions, but she doesn't seem to have the experience and skills to to a great teacher for my daughter. I think she's insecure and scared of her, and very little will make up for that. I can't ask for certain teachers and switch her class every year based on the teacher - each class moves up together. One of the therapists will attempt to speak to her to help her determine what makes our daughter tick and how to get to her. Bottom line, I think we will be having lots of contact with the teacher and when there's a problem, I might just ask them to send her home.

Notsobusy

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 7:25 pm

Barbara wrote:

Really?

The teacher was dead wrong in not contacting the parents directly if she wanted to speak with them.

But as to the drinking? This wasn't a 3 year-old in school for the first time who was unaware that it is inappropriate to drink during class. Presumably, that was the rule in first and second grade, if not in kindergarten. (An 8 year old should be starting 3d grade.) Moreover, my guess is that the teacher probably requested that the child put the drink away before taking further action, and removing the bag -- with the drink. I'm not saying it was the only way to handle it, but I don't think it was "unprofessional."

Just to be fair, my kids have all had teachers who let them drink during class. Most if those teachers let them keep a water bottle (only water) by their desk and drink as long as they are participating and not disturbing. It's possible this kid had such a teacher last year and that's why she's used to drinking in class.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 8:08 pm

Barbara wrote:

She's 8 years old. You can't have had that many bad teachers for her yet in grade school. She's what, third grade?

I agree with no drinking being one of those rules a third grader should know.

The teacher reacted way too harshly, but we do not know all the details because kids (and adults...) tend to present their side very convincingly.

If a child needs a lot of special attention or teacher's micro-instructions it's only fair to alert the teacher before the school year begins and work out a plan. She may not be a bad teacher at all. Your child may be more difficult than you think.

groisamomma

Tue, Sep 08 2015, 10:14 pm

amother wrote:

If a child needs a lot of special attention or teacher's micro-instructions it's only fair to alert the teacher before the school year begins and work out a plan. She may not be a bad teacher at all. Your child may be more difficult than you think.

OP clearly began the thread by stating that her child is behaviorally challenged. Then she said several times that all her daughter needs is love and security, not much else. I'm not passing judgment on the teacher but I will concur that OP's child may be more difficult than she thinks. It behooves parents of behaviorally challenged children to contact the teacher BEFORE the school year and not wait for problems to come up. This was a disaster waiting to happen.

busymother

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 7:57 am

Op, I can totally feel for you as I have several challenging children. One of the tactics that helped me a lot was bribing. I give the teachers small gifts for rosh Hashanah, Chanukah and sometimes Pesach and write a nice note thanking them for their patience etc. I have a friend who just sends a nice card every Rosh Chodesh... Just some little things that go a long way.

mummiedearest

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 9:17 am

groisamomma wrote:

not all schools will let you know which teacher your child will have, and they certainly won't give out contact info for the teacher before school starts. fact is, some kids are behaviorally challenged, and teachers need to be able to handle a certain spectrum of behavioral issues in order to be considered competent. while some behaviors are really hard to handle, some behavioral issues just require good old common sense, which some teachers severely lack.

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 9:31 am

glutenless wrote:

I actually had the same thoughts as Barbara, until I read that this is in Israel. In Israel, kids go everywhere with their water bottles. I remember days in seminary that they kept reminding us to drink, lest we dehydrate. Especially at this time of the year.

DrMom

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 9:55 am

Chayalle wrote:

Today it in the high 90s with dust in the air. Drinking frequently is a must.

Perhaps last year's teacher let students sip water whenever they wanted and this year's teacher had a different rule, and your dd got confused?

luvinlife

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 11:20 am

I don't think the teacher was entirely wrong, maybe a little harsh but at the beginning of the year is when the teachers set the rules, so if someone doesn't follow the rules they need to show the class they are serious about the rules, so unfortunately your DD was the one she had to use to prove it. If you in an Israeli BY you should be on top of calling the teachers, b/c they don't seem to call about any issues and then just bring up everything at the parent teachers meeting months later. So much different then the US system.
But good for you that you had your husband go in and have a chat with her, hopefully she will lay off your daughter.

lech lecha08

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 7:19 pm

DrMom wrote:

I don't know what other elementary schools are like but my kids raise fingers based on their needs: 1 finger is to answer a question, 2- they need the bathroom and 3 is if they want a drink
Maybe the girl also used some sort of a signal and assumed the teacher saw?

groisamomma

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 7:30 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

not all schools will let you know which teacher your child will have, and they certainly won't give out contact info for the teacher before school starts.

Right, in which case the parent leaves a message with the office on the first day for the teacher to call. A visit to the principal in the summer or before the school year starts is a good idea too so that he or she can update the teacher and share advice and past experiences with the teacher. Again, it is the parent's job to reach out to the teacher before problems arise.

chavs

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 7:37 pm

I don't know what it's like in Israel, I live in England, but it shocks me how everyone expects the parents to inform the teachers when to me that should so clearly be done by the school (principal /previous teachers etc). Why wouldn't it be assumed that if the previous teacher knew of a child's difficulties than they wouldn't have informed the next teacher? It just seems like poor communication in the school between the teachers.

mummiedearest

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 10:09 pm

groisamomma wrote:

IME, a call to the school the first day does not mean the teacher will call you back right away. visiting the principal is a great idea, assuming the principal wants to be involved and is generally cooperative. sending a note on the first day may be your best bet, assuming the kid actually hands the note in.

not sure what one would say in advance in a case like this. "my dd has some behavioral issues, she just needs a little tlc?" "my dd has some issues that prevent her from behaving properly in the classroom unless the teacher takes the time to figure out what makes her tick?" some kids are sensitive and have a harder time processing the classroom environment, but unless you can give specific instructions to the teacher, it's hard to prevent any issues. in some cases, these conferences just get the teacher's guard up before school even starts, and that can be much worse for the student in question. I have had issues with my kids' teachers in the past, and it's true that anything I spoke to them about in the beginning of the year was pretty much taken care of (aside from a medical issue, and I was really mad about that one. the teacher got tired of following doctor's orders at the end of the year...). the issues that arise are almost always related to the teacher being willing to deal with specific behavior/circumstances only. some of the issues are not even behavior, but the teacher sees it that way. a parent can only be so specific in the beginning of the year, the teacher needs a certain amount of seichel.

groisamomma

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 12:01 am

Mummiedearest and chavs, the frum schools are sooooooo makpid on LH that they don't allow teachers to discuss previous students with each other. Every child "needs a fresh start" and "a clean slate" and all that. While in theory it's all nice and good, in reality it is a disservice to many children (like OP's, for example) that are back to Square One every September with a brand new teacher that now has to learn what works through trial and error.

That's why I stressed that it's important for parents to let the teacher or principal know beforehand that you would like the new teacher to get background info and tips on what works before school starts.

And BTW there is nothing wrong with telling the teacher beforehand that your child is sensitive or has behavioral challenges. Teachers appreciate working with a parent that acknowledges it and wants to work together rather than one that stays quiet waiting for the teacher to mess up so they have someone to blame for their child's lack of success.

sped

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 2:18 am

OP - can you get someone in to help buffer between parents and school? For example, someone who works with the staff to help a child with extra needs? Sometimes an outsider is easier to work with and listen to, and can help everyone come together and figure out how to make this work.
(You can pm me for more info if you are interested in taking such a route.)