5 year old "punished" by teacher for being late

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:39 pm

DD started kindergarten this year. Up until now, she has been at the same school, but in the pre-school wing, which is a totally separate area of the school, and DH and I would walk her into school every day.
This year, we are supposed to drop her off, and she goes into school by herself.

The other day, dd told me that she got a late slip from her teacher. I asked her why, because we never brought her late. She then told me that she got lost trying to find her class, and when she found it, the teacher made her go with her to the office and get her a late slip because she was late.

I know this isn't really a punishment per say, but DD felt very sad about getting a slip. And it sounds like the teacher made her feel bad about being late.
I asked her if she told her teacher why she was late, and she said no.

I understand that the teacher had no way of knowing that she got lost, and I have no idea how long she was wandering around school. (I cant imagine that no one noticed a little girl wandering around for too long during class time, and not helping her.)

I just feel so bad for her that the teacher made her feel sad, and she was probably so sad that she was lost.

Today DH parked and brought her into school, and made sure she knows how to find her class.

I will ask the teacher to find out more details about what really happened,
but I'm wondering if I have the right to be upset about this, or if the teacher really just did what she was supposed to do in the situation.

thunderstorm

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:44 pm

I find that often in the beginning of the year, teachers and melamdim tend to be a bit "extreme" in their rules. Last year my 12 year old had his eye glasses taken away from him on the second day of school and it wasnt given back to him at the end of the day. After my husband called the rebbe to tell him that my son couldnt "see" and that he found the punishment to be a bit extreme...he explained that in the beginning of the year and Rebbe and teacher have to show that they are the authority and will be firm with the rules. So yes, you have right to be upset , but be understanding at the same time as to where the teacher is coming from.
If this kind of behavior continues throughout the year, I would be concerned...

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:49 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Wow. That's really abusive. I canst believe there are schools like this.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:52 pm

wow. If someone took my kids glasses away as a punishment, I would be so angry.

Also, DD is 5. she is still a little girl. I can not imagine that she was walking around school for more then a few minutes with out anyone finding her. She had to walk in past the front office, and the menahel greets every child at the door every morning, so he would have been around. so if she was late, I don't think it was for very long.

Anyway, DD's school is small and all the teachers are usually so warm and caring. I don't think they would ever punish like that just to show authority. OK maybe to a 12 year old who has been at the school for a while, but a 5 year old?

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:55 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Seriously? shock

If that happened to my DD, no matter how much she was misbehaving, I would be LIVID! Eye glasses are a necessity, not a toy or a cell phone. DD would come home crying hysterically if that happened to her, and I would be marching over to that school ASAP in full mama bear mode. Mad

gp2.0

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 1:55 pm

I would be upset about this too. I would be upset that my daughter is totally unsupervised from when I drop her off until she goes to her class. Incredibly irresponsible of the school. There should be someone there guiding the little kids to the classrooms.

I also don't understand the point of using late slips with little kids. Little kids don't choose to be late, their arrival depends on their parents. Whole thing doesn't make sense.

thunderstorm

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:05 pm

My son had put stickers around the frames of his glasses "BEFORE" class....just acting silly and walked around all day like that....this rebbe didnt say "take it off" ....just "give me your glasses" and not only that ...the only way we could get it back was by going to his HOUSE to pick it up!!!! And then we wonder why so many kids are messed up today.

animeme

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:06 pm

Kindergarten is often used to teach kids how to be first graders. The teacher may believe that she is training your daughter for what she will eventually need to do. Before you settle on the idea that the teacher made dd feel bad, decide whether dd is the type of kid who gets upset when she is corrected or singled out. She may have hated coming in and being told to go back out, seeing the word "late" as inherently bad, when this is just school policy. Maybe not- clearly it's worth doing the checking in you want to do.

Maybe a better policy would be to have an aide walk kids to the office in the future, until they learn how to do it, and so they can learn that it's not a punishment.

BTW, re. the glasses, that's horrific. When I went on March of the Living, a friend broke down by the displayed glasses. She said that she B"H didn't know what it was to be literally starving or tortured, but she did know what it was like to go about her day without her glasses. How horrifyingly confusing the world must have been for them when that was taken away.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:32 pm

If the kids come a few minutes early, the teachers meet them at the gym, which is the first room in the school, and walk them to class. Otherwise the menahel stands and greets each child, and will help them if they ask.

On the first day, they met in the gym and got a "tour" of the school and were shown how to find the class. Usually when I drop her off, I see another kid from her class and tell her to go with them.

She is very quiet, and would not speak up of she were lost.

This is why I can't imagine her being lost for more then a few minutes.

I'll need to speak to the teachers and find out more, she does tend to embellish stories, but I know she felt very sad. And there is no way she would know the term "late slip" unless she or her freinds got one.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:39 pm

The late slip doesn't bother me at all! Dr was upset that the teacher made her feel bad about being late and she had to go with her to the office for the slip. Like she was punished and did something bad.

Could she have just said something like, "in kindergarten we have to try our best to be on time every day, and if we aren't on time, morah gets a note from the office about being late". Or something? Why make her go to the office and feel bad about it?

morah

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:55 pm

Ok, they could have been nicer, since Kindergarten is when you start learning all this procedural stuff to begin with. But I am more concerned that there doesn't seem to be a system in place for getting the youngest students to their rooms. Most places I know of, five year olds are either greeted at the door or dropped off in the gym/social hall/other gathering space and then taken to class, at least for the beggining of the year. I would talk to someone about putting a better drop off system in place. Your kid just wandered the halls for a bit, someone else's might actually leave the building.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 3:32 pm

Morah, see my post above. That is the exact proceedures they do have at school. Somehow she was missed. Not saying I'm happy that no one saw her, but knowing DD someone probably asked if she knew where to go and she nodded. She would be to shy to ask for help or say no.

pause

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 3:41 pm

deena19k wrote:

I think it's very strange that a 5 yr old is getting dropped off and going in by herself. She should be walked to the classroom each morning IMO.

This.

I wouldn't care about school policy. There's no way *I* would drop off my 5 year old at the door and expect him/her to find the way to the classroom. I personally take each of my kids to their classroom door or lunchroom (according to which grade they're in) on the first day of school.

I think there's something missing from your (your dd's) story. If she was dropped off on time, and all the kids were also being dropped off, they would be going at the same time. If all the kids were already in class, either she was dropped off late, or all the kids' parents brought them to their classroom. IOW, if this is school policy and she was dropped off the same time as everyone else, I.e. on time, how is it that only your dd was late? She's not the only one for whom it's the first day of school.

amother

Orange

Wed, Sep 09 2015, 9:14 pm

If only teachers can model compassion rather than punitive ness. It pains me to read of the culture of punitiveness so prevalent in the grade schools and high schools.

Is there hope of reversing this culture of punitivenss and tranforming it to one of compassion and collaboration?

Would school admins be interested in a workshop or two in which staff can be supported to transition from a punitive system to a non-punitive system?