Disciplining and dealing with a difficult child.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 12:20 pm

My 11 year DS is a very difficult child . His other siblings are older, married and living too far away for frequent visits so they aren't a presence in his life. I mention them because I didn't have similar issues with them so I don't think this is all my bad parenting.
He was always very high maintenance. When he was two years old he was capable of screaming until 4:00 AM and not giving in night after night after night. He never played with toys but rather insisted on being entertained or held.
Fast forward nine years and he can be a nightmare particularly if he is off from school. He refuses to play outside with or without the other boys on the block, refuses to read or play inside etc. He keeps coming back to me or DH with "I'm bored" (or hungry). Then he refuse all of our suggestion for what he should he do(eat) and fills his boredom by looking to pick fights with me or DH.
Then the problems really start. Me and DH bend over backwards not to give into his provocations, only stop him from doing things with a clear and present danger, but still he frequently has meltdowns and physically attacks me or DH when he gets bored enough. (This is after screaming Shut up, I hate you, calling us by our fist names, starting throwing things etc. had no outward affect on us)
Question is what can we do? Any promise of reward will just result into another fight about why he really deserves the reward even though he doesn't. Any threat of punishment is answered with a sneering "I don't give into threats". He is looking for fights and physically attacks us first so it isn't like he is scared of having us hit back. And we aren't going to beat him black and blue.
He has been in therapy , with four different therapists, since he was five with very little to show for it. He also started taking psychiatric medicine a few months ago with no real change. (We are on the six month plus waiting list for a "really good" child psychiatrist)What should we do now?
Please note there are other factors at play and he isn't always the monster I'm describing.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 12:30 pm

How is your ds at school?

My DD is similar. She holds every ounce of herself together at school and explodes at home. She has anxiety and senseory processing disorder. Ot is starting to help.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 12:35 pm

amother wrote:

How is your ds at school?

My DD is similar. She holds every ounce of herself together at school and explodes at home. She has anxiety and senseory processing disorder. Ot is starting to help.

Until very recently he was well behaved in school.He has issues in day camp this year and he says his classroom is so hot he can't behave during English.It is likely that he also has a sensory issue.

5*Mom

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 12:40 pm

amother wrote:

He has been in therapy , with four different therapists, since he was five with very little to show for it. He also started taking psychiatric medicine a few months ago with no real change.

Did any of these therapists posit a diagnosis? What were they working on with him? What is the medication for?

amother

Yellow

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 12:48 pm

5*Mom wrote:

Did any of these therapists posit a diagnosis? What were they working on with him? What is the medication for?

None of them really gave any diagnosis other then the standard ODD type diagnosis.

One suggested it may be a sensory neurological issue. But back then I was too concerned that having him take medication would ultimately do more harm then good.He is taking medication because he had a fire in his room one Friday (right after the Sasson fire) and developed terrible OCD and nervous symptoms. Whenever we finally get him into a good child psychiatrist we will ask for a more rigorous assessment

naturalmom5

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 1:07 pm

Dare to discipline by James Dobsin

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 5:16 pm

Garden of Education by Rabbi Shalom Arush
Lots and lots of prayer

imasinger

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 6:08 pm

Parenting the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach.

amother

Denim

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 7:16 pm

Have you ever looked into PANDAS or lyme disease? He has all the classical behavioral markers... especially the OCD. Go to a doctor who really knows what they are doing for testing.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Sep 17 2015, 8:29 pm

If he has sensory issues he needs OT, not just regular therapy.