Son cries when I take him from babysitter :(

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 1:23 pm

I have someone babysit my one and a half year old everyday while I'm at work. Almost always, when the babysitter leaves and hands him over to me, he has a tantrum and hangs on to the babysitter. This really bothers me, plus it's embarassing and I just don't know what to say to the babysitter so that we both don't feel uncomfortable. Has anyone else gone through this?

chen

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 1:57 pm

Ouch.
That is so painful, but not abnormal. Transitions of any kind are tough for kids that age. It's not that he loves her more than you or thinks she's his mommy--it's just that he was in his comfort zone and doesn't like changing over.
FWIW, this is at least a sign that he is happy with the sitter and she's not mistreating him.

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 1:58 pm

I don't think my kids reacted quite that strongly, but they didn't come running yelling "Mommy-Mommy-Mommy" when I came home, either. They pretty much ignored me. Oh, Mommy's home. Yawn. They DID go racing to the door when Daddy came home hours later, so it was sort of a double slap in the face. Oh, well, I loved them anyway and tried not to hold it against them.

mimivan

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 5:49 pm

Yes, this happened to me and I was really annoyed. My babysitter had a lot of fun activities and pizza and stuff I couldn't afford. I felt like firing her because she was so good. At that time, I was late in my pregnancy, was not so "fun" but was trying my best. We did do some fun activities, but mostly I was low energy and I was cramping, so I couldn' t run around with a ball...eventually, I had the baby b'h and my son went to gan and stopped going to the sitter. He is happy when he sees me home from gan.

In my case, it is just passed.... I don't konw what to tell you. Try to find out what the sitter does with your child (special games, activities and food) and promise you'll continue with the certain game or toy at home.

It is not personal! It probably has to do with some such fun thing..

greenfire

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 5:56 pm

mimivan wrote:

Yes, this happened to me and I was really annoyed. My babysitter had a lot of fun activities and pizza and stuff I couldn't afford. I felt like firing her because she was so good.

now that is funny Nervous

but totally understood - sometimes too good is annoying ...
last week my dd was trying to give me vitamins and I just sometimes can't stand how perfect she is ... so I lashed out at her "I am okay not being perfect" Rolling Eyes

yup you guessed she thought I'd gone mad ...

I had the opposite problem with babysitter ... my dd wouldn't eat and be her normal self ... so I stopped sending her ...

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 9:03 pm

sometimes I'd come home and my 2 yrs old would say, "Mommy, I don't want you."
I think it's just a transitioning issue - though I was hurt!
Listen, they love you, they love her (and you should be grateful, she must be good!), so it's hard to switch from one to another.

ganizzy

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 11:21 am

why dont u ask the babysitter to stay an extra few minutes and then all 3 of you play a game together to ease the transition. also give your child attention while ur getting the info of how he ate, slept...

or maybe make a specific fun game or tickling session or such when u come home that u do every time so hell look forward to it.

good luck!! its normal but annoying

Tefila

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 2:44 pm

As a preschool teacher I have noticed too how some are not thrilled when parents come to pick them up. I do believe what chen says there is a certain amount of change that they don't like. Also it could be b/c you are taking them away from a fav activity perhaps if you stayed a few minutes joined in them finishing story or puzzle, it would make the transition easier Confused

amother

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:32 pm

chen wrote:

It's not that he loves her more than you

How do you know?

Quote:

or thinks she's his mommy

He's only one and a half, how do you know he doesn't?

Quote:

FWIW, this is at least a sign that he is happy with the sitter and she's not mistreating him.

True

queenyemk

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 9:37 pm

DD was upset with me cause I told her to stop tearing apart the house, and put her into bed for the night. She was crying for her babysitter. It tore my heart out. I felt like I was the worst person in the world!

amother

Wed, Oct 24 2007, 8:58 am

I agree with the amother who wrote your child is probably angry at you for leaving and that's how he acts out his anger.

amother

Wed, Oct 24 2007, 12:24 pm

thats why I dont send my kids to babysitters. sorry I know that might not sound so nice, but its true., no kid lieks being by a babysitter, especially if its not an amazing one... and if its a really really good one and the kid is moslty with the babysitter the child starts to feel the babysitter is the parent and wants to be with them because who they spend most of thier time with.

amother

Wed, Oct 24 2007, 12:34 pm

OP, don't let anybody make you feel bad. Kids know very well who their mommy is. BH he likes the babysitter, it's a big bracha to find someone good.

melalyse

Wed, Oct 24 2007, 9:41 pm

My DS often asks for the babysitter when I am home with him, occasionally he even cries for her. I am only out of the house for 2.5 days a week. I discussed this with some of my friends and most of them said that I should be thrilled that he likes her so much. I also told the babysitter that he asks for her and she told me not to worry that he asks for mommy often when he is with her.

whatever

Thu, Oct 25 2007, 10:19 am

melalyse my sons the same. hes 18 mnths now and hes been going to the babysitter ever since hes 6 wks old. when he is home he cries he wants to go to the sitter and at the sitter when I come to get him he dances for joy, hugs me and kisses me.
the sitter makes the kids call her mima (aunt) cause one mother was complaining that its not fair that her kid calls her mommy. I said c'mon you leave your child there for 8 hrs and all you see the child is approx. 3 hrs a day thats just to bad, thats the way it works. it absolutly does not bother me when my son cries out in middle of the night "wanna go mima". if I dont like it I can stop sending him and stay home with him all day.

amother

Thu, Oct 25 2007, 8:10 pm

amother wrote:

don't let anybody make you feel bad

She feels bad on her own, for good reason.

Quote:

Kids know very well who their mommy is.

Says who? Can you prove that an infant knows who is who? How?

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 25 2007, 8:15 pm

amother wrote:

Says who? Can you prove that an infant knows who is who? How?

that's nature, and stop being cruel behind amother Exploding anger

Motek

Thu, Oct 25 2007, 8:35 pm

Nature? If a woman adopts a baby, does the baby know who his/her mother really is? Why would you assume that an infant or toddler who spends most of his waking hours with someone other than his/her mother, will know who his mother is (other than the fact that she refers to herself as mommy)?

gryp

Thu, Oct 25 2007, 8:39 pm

I can't imagine, even with all the babies out there who are with babysitters/daycare during the day, that there are a lot of them who cry for the babysitter in the middle of the night.
Exploding anger

Am I wrong?