Is this irresponsible?

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 5:56 pm

I have two children ds who is 2.5 and dd who is 6 months. I live on the fourth floor and the laundry room is located in the basement of my apartment building (we are not allowed to have machines in the apartments)

I usually manage to make time to go down once and throw in my loads between getting home from work and supper and bedtime... The problem is transferring the clothes to the dryer. My husband works late hours, so hes not around to watch the sleeping kids while I run down.

Is it irresponsible for me to leave the kids and go down to the laundry room? Both kids are always deeply sleeping and in cribs. The two year old doesn't know how to climb out yet. It would likely take me about 7 minutes or so.

(if I would throw in the laundry right when I came home, it would be done before bedtime, but its hard for me to do it right away, plus it a real shlep to get the kids down to the laundry room twice)

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 6:31 pm

A lady who needs money should set up a very comfortable chair in the laundry room with a reading light and be available to do this for you. You would tip her for her help. Suggest this to a retired woman in the building.

"Would you sit down there and put my wash in the dryer? I would make it worth your while. It would be such a help to me." She will get the point. Also give her tins of cookies. She doesn't get too many sweets on her budget and sweets make the cheap coffee go down better.

oliveoil

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 6:48 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Please tell us what you're taking! I think I want some...

Fascinating how consistently altered your reality seems to be... you must be gettin' the good stuff!

Dandelion1

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 6:58 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Please tell us what you're taking! I think I want some...

Fascinating how consistently altered your reality seems to be... you must be gettin' the good stuff!

No, I just think Dolly is the kindhearted type who would help anyone out in an instant. And so she naturally assumes others would do the same.

amother

Green

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 7:06 pm

When I lived in a 3rd floor walk up, I was ok with dashing down for a minute to take out the garbage or bring up a package, but laundry was just something that had to wait till dh was home or coordinated with a neighbor. 7 minutes is a long time. 2 year olds can get out of the crib. If it hasn't happened yet, well, you never know if tomorrow is going to be the day that it will. Is there a neighbor that can sit in your apt while you go, or maybe she agrees to move your stuff over while she's down there doing her own load.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 7:55 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Because a laundry room in the basement of a building is an especially safe place for an elder to be all day, just so she can sit for tips. Rolling Eyes

Tell me how many times have you done this for others?

oliveoil

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 8:44 pm

aleph wrote:

No, I just think Dolly is the kindhearted type who would help anyone out in an instant. And so she naturally assumes others would do the same.

Since she consistently refuses to say if she does step in for the young moms the way she is constantly saying older women should, I can only assume she doesn't.

Dandelion1

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 8:55 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Since she consistently refuses to say if she does step in for the young moms the way she is constantly saying older women should, I can only assume she doesn't.

Um.... OK. I'm gonna assume that there's some history here that predates this thread, cause otherwise I can't figure how Dolly's innocuous comment could provoke such animosity....

amother

Aqua

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:16 pm

I live on the 6th floor of an appartement building the washing machines are also in the basement. I have a17 month old child and I never left him alone. I do laundry only when my husband is home and he comes home late or when my ds is not home. I don't trust a neighbor monitoring. Abd won't leave him alone not even for a second. What will happen in case of a fire?emergency etc? ?? Will the neighbor remember your child when she's busy with her own family? Or v will you have time to run up to get your child? Just my two cents. Alot of people in my building leave their children alone so it's not uncommon. ..

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:34 pm

I am reporting what was done for me back when I was a young mother. The lady who put my clean wet stuff in the dryer was a very old black lady who liked me. She was dear. She saw I was over-extended. She was doing other people's wash. I wasn't religious then. I gave her cookies in a tin and a few other things. She wouldn't probably have taken money. You play it according to the person. According to the neighborhood. According. Old people appreciate the company, being useful, and the cookies. Depending who they are.

I agree it's dicey to leave children alone. As Acqua says above, in a problem, your neighbor is going to be both insane and thinking about her own.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:38 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

I am reporting what was done for me back when I was a young mother. The lady who put my clean wet stuff in the dryer was a very old black lady who liked me. She was doing other people's wash. I wasn't religious then. I gave her cookies in a tin and a few other things. She wouldn't probably have taken money. You play it according to the person. According to the neighborhood. According.

I agree it's dicey to leave children alone. As said above, in a problem, your neighbor is going to be both insane and thinking about her own.

That's nice to hear. Have you ever reciprocated? And why is it necessary to mention her skin color? She was an elder woman, what did her skin color matter?

seeker

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:47 pm

Don't leave the kids. You'll work it out somehow. It's so hard when you're out much of the time and DH even longer (I'm inferring that you work much of the day from your basic outlined schedule). Can you arrange your life to do laundry on weekends? You can have Motzei Shabbos or Sunday be laundry day whether you need it or not. It may be worth running the extra loads of laundry just to have it on a schedule like that (I know how it is, I usually actually need to do laundry only after 10 days or more, but the inconsistency can be more of a hassle than just doing it more often. Or buy some more clothes and do it once in two weeks, if you prefer it that way.)

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:55 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Since she consistently refuses to say if she does step in for the young moms the way she is constantly saying older women should, I can only assume she doesn't.

Olive Oil, there is no expectation or netiquette that a poster here must tell what she does or doesn't do in real life, any more than she feels like telling. Some tell, some don't tell, but it's up to the poster entirely. What you are mentioning is private.

And entirely reasonable. What could be controversial about helping busy mothers?

If I said I thought people should ride zebras, THEN you could say, well do YOU do that?

Amarante

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 10:16 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Not to get off track, but I think it's because the advice is so utterly unrealistic. I can't imagine anyone sitting in a basement all day on the off chance that someone would tip them to put the clothing in the dryer. And what amount would make it worthwhile?

Perhaps more realistic is to hire someone to actually do the laundry but that is different and again, the price someone might expect might be higher than OP wants to pay or can afford.

If you are suggesting that someone might do it as a favor, I don't think most people are willing to do someone's laundry in a regular basis for free. In an emergency as a favor, of course.

But you seem to make up preposterous scenarios where there is an elderly woman who drinks bad coffee and can be lured with some cookies into sitting in a basement.

ETA As to whether it is irresponsible, it is a close call. I grew up in a two family house and the laundry was in the basement so my mother was two floors down when she was doing it. Many people in single family homes similarly aren't on the same floor as their children all the time. How quickly can you get upstairs in an emergency. Can you take stairs or only an elevator?

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:51 pm

Cookies and company. And feeling as if she could call on people, whom she had done something for. She wouldn't be as much of a stranger, if she ever needed help herself.

That alone might be enough, no money needed. But one should give cookies, or "a new cake recipe I tried, tell me if it's good".

chani8

Fri, Sep 25 2015, 9:25 am

Sigh. Where are good manners these days? The manners that teach you, if you dont have something nice to say, dont say anything. This was not a debate. Op wanted advice. Dolly gave hers. If you dont agree with a poster, you really don't have to say so. Unless it's dangerous advice, or a debate.

ETA - it starts bordering on bullying here when more than one poster attacks or criticizes. If this was a support group IRL, would you think it necessary to agree with someone's critical assessment? If so, you've got a lot to learn about people.

When you criticize, you do it gently, simply, without insulting. It's meant to build a person, not take them down, not hurt them.

I'm seething at these attacks on Dolly. Makes me want to leave imamother.

HindaRochel

Fri, Sep 25 2015, 9:38 am

amother wrote:

Can you or your husband do this in the morning? Why is this the only time of the day that it would be possible to put the laundry in? Who is with your children while you are at work before school ends?