He said I'm beautiful

amother

Brown

Wed, Sep 30 2015, 11:19 pm

No, not my husband.

His grandfather. We hosted the couple (in their mid-60's) for lunch yesterday.

Within those two hours, he said it FIVE times. In private of course, like when he passed me in the hallway, when we washed our hands etc). He told me to keep what he said between us. It started when I complemented him on my diamond ring; I had just been told that he was the one who chose it. So I complemented him on his taste and said I love it. So he said "everything looks beautiful on you". And then he told me I'm beautiful another five times.

Now I don't don't what to make of it. He isn't the norm, so everyone usually takes whatever he says with a grain of salt, or laughs it off. But he's not crazy or weird either. Just an older man whose experiences in life made him a bit different.

But what he said makes me feel awkward. I've never heard him complementing anyone else on their looks.

Perhaps it's just that I don't remember anyone else ever telling me that I'm beautiful. I know I look good, but I've never been complimented on it, not even by my husband or parents.

Is it really weird or am I overthinking? Would you do anything about it?

amother

Blonde

Wed, Sep 30 2015, 11:47 pm

The way you describe it, this does sound inappropriate.

But, there still may be some relevant details missing. My dh had an elderly relative who enjoyed complimenting the women-folk. Dh called him "old charmer". I doubt this relative meant any of the compliments, in fact I think he was near blind at the time. He was just going for the reaction--he enjoyed the shocked appreciation his compliments brought.

But maybe that's not the case with your dh's grandfather. Maybe he really does intend something more (ick!).

Either way, definitely tell your dh how you feel, and don't put yourself in a situation where you're alone with him. If it were me, I'd aim for a "cool" (but courteous) response: Tight-lipped smile, don't make conversation with him just to pass the time, etc.

Last edited by amother on Wed, May 06 2020, 11:14 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Beige

Wed, Sep 30 2015, 11:50 pm

This sounds a lot like my grandmother at that age... Why compliment someone once when you could compliment them 5 times and make them feel awkward? Most likely innocent but definitely say something if nothing else then to make sure you're NOT keeping a secret for a pervert (yup grandparents could be perverts!)

You could tell dh and ask if that's how he always talks. Or if your dh doesn't know maybe send a message to a sister in law like "grandpa just told me 5x in one hour how beautiful I look:) really feeling the love lol, is this his welcome to all new grankids?"

Either way you should be able to gauge if this is usual for him and you just need to get used to it or if you need to keep your radar on high alert when he's around.

heidi

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 1:37 am

I know alot of the posters on this site are extremely young, so to you 60 equals almost dead. But to those of us closer to 60 than farther from it, a 60 year old healthy man still has zexual desires and drives. OP, Grandpa was hitting on you-- and it sounds from his request to keep it quiet that this is not the first time he's behaved inappropriately.
Those of you comparing it to the harmless compliments of older grandparents know full well that when they complimented you it was for one and all to hear- usually the more people to hear the compliment, the better.
OP, I would see this man only in public. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a history.

Delores

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 1:41 am

cookiecutter wrote:

Old people often lose social inhibitions without realizing it. It means nothing from his perspective although I would also feel uneasy.

As Heidi said, people in their 60s are not old people. This guy is off. Way off.

chani8

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 4:11 am

If you are getting creeped out, that is all that counts. From what you've said, I'm creeped out, if you need validation.

I'm also sorry to hear that no one, who-should-have, ever told you that you are beautiful.

amother

Beige

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 4:41 am

amother wrote:

I'm not new. Married about 6 years

That was just an example of a way you could bring it up without saying straight out that you think dh's grandfather Was acting creepy. My point was more that it's important to say something and not respect his request to keep it quiet.

Raisin

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 4:49 am

amother wrote:

I'm just wondering, do you think a 65+ year old man could physically restrain me?

many 65 year olds I know are perfectly healthy and fit. But, I doubt he is planning to assault you. More likely he just gets a kick out of this type of behaviour. I would stay away from him in any case, and absolutely not be alone with him.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 6:18 am

amother wrote:

I'm just wondering, do you think a 65+ year old man could physically restrain me?

Yes, he could. I was physically restrained by a man who was probably in his 90's. He was not in his right mind and I knew it and therefore didn't want to hurt him, but he held me against a wall and kissed me, thinking I was his "young" wife. I was shocked that I was unable to get out from his hold. Maybe if I would have kicked and punched I would have managed to get away, but I'm honestly not sure about that, he was so strong.

As Raisin said, I doubt he would go so far as to assault you, but since he's already being inappropriate, I would just stay away.

amother

Brown

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 7:57 am

bigblueyes wrote:

I would def tell your husband and ask him what he thinks.

Dh said "so maybe have s-x with him and then he'll buy you a house to stay quiet!" shock

(grandpa is rich)
Doubt he was serious though.

Dandelion1

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 7:58 am

I suppose it depends on how it's said, his background, etc.... I have an elderly neighbor in his 80s who has that dapper air about him, kind of a twinkle in his eye, a sort of mischievous flirtatiousness with the women on the block.... But he does it in a self aware sort of charming way.... and it doesn't come across as creepy or inappropriate.... and of course he's not our dh's grandfather..... Hard to gage it without seeing it first hand....

amother

Brown

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:09 am

I was thinking... Grandpa demands certain "dress codes" from the women in his family (daughters mainly). They dare not dress differently, or else they don't get supported. Although they say they dress that way because of (family) ethics. And he openly enforces it.

Perhaps he wants it to stay quiet because he wouldn't want anyone, especially family, to know what he really goes for.

I don't really know.

heidi

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:00 am

amother wrote:

Dh said "so maybe have s-x with him and then he'll buy you a house to stay quiet!" shock

(grandpa is rich)
Doubt he was serious though.

allthingsblue

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:06 am

The strangest part of all this is that you've never been told you look good by your husband or parents! Did I read that correctly???
Anyway, I've been told by many old men that I'm beautiful. Some were creepy, some were just nice and even said it in front of my husband. Just shrug it off but try not to stay alone with him because if he makes more such comments, you'll probably be more upset and creeped oit