How young can a child be emotionally damaged?

amother

Brunette

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 7:59 am

I started off strong but now im not attentive enough and I let him cry more than I should. im lazy, I dont make enough eye contact, I dont play with him hardly at all, hes in the crib sleeping when he could be seeing the world. I dont read to him or show him pictures. im constantly distracted by other things, im always on phone or computer. I should stop but im stuck. baby is one month

be as harsh as you want, I know I deserve it

amother

Orange

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:04 am

amother wrote:

It was not something like that. Far from it.

They might be affected by lack of whatever you're describing, but I doubt too much. And I doubt they'd remember at such a young age. No you don't deserve to be so harsh on yourself.

pickle321

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:05 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like you may be suffering from ppd. Get the help you need and your child will be okay.

ahuva06

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:05 am

amother wrote:

You sound like you just need a break. You're one freakin month after birth, cut yourself some slack! Maybe get some extra cleaning help or a nurse or something until you feel back to yourself. Good luck!

pesek zman

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:21 am

You likely have ppd. Get yourself some support.

A 1 month old baby doesn't need to be read to or to see the world. 1 month olds don't play either. They sleep and eat and make dirty diapers. Cut yourself some slack.

As your baby gets older he will need more from you. Stimulation and interaction. If you get some help now you will be able to heal and will be what he needs when he needs it.

Good luck

amother

Brunette

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:34 am

extenuating circumstances? I have my own emotional issues to work through but thats not an excuse for poor parenting. I want to love my baby more than I feel like I do. I used to love him much more and now im distracted by other issues. I think maybe if I got out and went to mommy and me programs that might help. I hate feeling bothered by my baby, like he's a burden on me or something. I wanted him so badly for so long and now he is here and im struggling and he will grow up without enough love from his mother and that is so sad. so I need to stop that in its tracks NOW. im sad that he started to smile and then stopped developing the smile, and in fact has been very fussy and stopped sleeping well in the past week that ive been distant from him. its obvious thats what is happening. I got distant from the baby and the baby isnt happy anymore. he doesnt give me the same trusting loving look he used to. I think the baby isnt happy with me anymore, doesnt feel as safe with me anymore. so sad that happened at a month old. hes not sick, I keep him clean(ish) and fed. I barely bathe him because im so clumsy and bad at it, so he kind of stinks from old milk. I thought he was having trouble feeding, but it turns out he does best with one particular bottle top that I have. so I just screw that top on to whichever bottle I am using and now he is eating better. I do have help coming a couple days a week, including later today. she is great with babies and knows a ton about them. so I might ask her how to bond better with the baby. last time she was here I felt threatened that the baby was going to like her better because she was warmer and happier with him.

sneakermom

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:48 am

It's normal to have ups and downs in the bonding process.

It sounds like you're feeling down. Do you have emotional support?

Being a mother right after birth is mighty hard. Your hormones are all over the place, add in lack of sleep and a body that needs to mend and it can feel really over the top.

gande

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:51 am

Your being to harsh on yourself. A one month old sleeps mostly and is not aware of who exactly is taking care of him. Smiling is reflexive and is normal that he is not doing it as much. Nothing to do with you.

You sould practice to be a better mother, though. I find connecting to my babies to be a very emotionally healthy experience for me too. First start off by holding him in your arms when he's up while you are browsing ect . You have to get used to having a human being to connect to on his level. As he gets older he will be more alert and you'll be more attracted to him. Please cut out the guilt and stress it does no good, only puts you deeper in The hole.

heidi

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:54 am

OK, all you imamothers are all warm and supportive, but are you seriously kidding me???
OP, babies can be damaged from BIRTH!!! A baby who does not have his physical and emotional needs met can grow up with attachment disorder and environmental retardation.
I don't know what is going on in your life, and if this is post partum depression or caused by other factors in your life, with your DH or something else entirely, but you are doing your baby an incredible disservice. Either get the help you need, or give your baby to a warm loving couple who can give him the love, attention and care he needs.

Stars

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 8:56 am

Also, a one month olds smiles are purely reflex. They don't start smiling for real until they are a little bit older. Sign up for babycenter emails, they send you a week by week report of where your baby needs to be developmentally. It really helped me those first few months

Hatzlacha and feel better

return2You

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:07 am

heidi wrote:

ouch!!!that was harsh and definitely not what OP needs to hear, although she did ask for it....

a truly abusive and neglectful mom would not have written or felt the way OP did. sounds like classic ppd.

with a bit of mmedication and/or therapy, the bonding and smiles will come easily.

Mazal Tov on your baby!

pesek zman

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:23 am

heidi wrote:

Your post is so out of line! She should give up her baby? She never said that he baby's physical needs aren't being met!

OP: you're going through a rough patch and are having trouble bonding with your baby: classic signs of ppd. You are letting your negative thoughts spiral out of control. Get the help you need: take care of yourself and then you will be able to properly care for you baby.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:30 am

heidi's comments are in line with the things ive been thinking. except for I do take care of his physical needs and I do try with the emotional needs too. I try to snuggle him even if im not feeling so into it every time and I always talk nicely and sweetly to him in a light tone of voice. even when he screams nonstop. the few times I let him cry himself to sleep were because I tried everything else I could think of - feeding, changing, make sure he's not gassy or sick or in pain, hold him, snuggle him, etc. - and then I left him in a crib and sat next to him, and I was crying too at that point, but in literally 3 minutes he was sleeping. maybe he was just overtired, who knows. anyway I do try, and even though im struggling with the bonding it really has only been for a week. that means 3 weeks were good out of 4. im hoping to turn this around soon. also, my husband is very warm and loving to the baby, very consistently, so he has that influence as well.