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Did you talk to your kids every day?



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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:50 am
If you left kids with friends when you were away/had a baby, did you speak to them every day? Obviously it's different for different ages so mention how old they were.

I've given the older ones our phone number and told them they can call whenever they want and I intend to call too but I'm thinking that if I call every day it will make them more homesick. What do you think?
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:53 am
Call.every.day.

You cannot control how they feel.

You can, however, show how *you* feel, that you miss them and love them so much. That you are thinking about them.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 9:59 am
My friend who had my daughter at two years old told me not to speak to her that it will make things harder. So I respected that.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 10:17 am
As if, when we are out of sight, we are out of mind.

It's better to cause a little pain from 'reminding' them that you exist, than for them to start thinking you abandoned them.

If your DH went out of town and didn't call you, how would you feel?? "DW, I didn't call because I didn't want you to think of me and miss me more." Or, "I didn't call because I didn't want you to cry over me being gone." What?! Where is the psychology in this?!
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 11:25 am
I think there is a big difference in age.
A child who has not concept of time - 2 days vs 5 days - it is much more difficult to call and explain when you will be back. So that I'm not sure.
But a child 3 or 4 and older I think for sure call every day.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 11:33 am
I didn't and don't everyday, just for Shabbos. I do and did speak or text my dh everyday though. My dh is away all week also when he works and it's the same. On the contrary, when I did ask to speak to them, they have to be told to come to the phone and not come running. It's all good with us. That's the way we are and we're fine with it. To each its own!
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 3:24 pm
Chani8, there are many variables, different children, different parents. Obviously I put this question out there as I was curious to see the responses and want to make an educated decision that is best for my family.

The thing is, I've found that often the kid is adjusting nicely, allowing himself to get comfortable in his new surroundings, trying not to think too much about home, and then... wham, Mom calls and it brings all the homesickness to the fore and the kid needs to adjust all over again. Also, when a child calls his parents all the time with every small complaint instead of approaching the host he also prevents himself from adjusting comfortably.

Of course parents MUST call, but it seems too often is not always best.

It's funny but I've also seen the phenomenon that yo'ma mentioned where kids are actually not all that interested to speak home whilst staying with another family. Often they are well adjusted and want to feel part of their host family for the duration.

Of course there are kids who think they've been abandoned, but that's usually down to a lack of communication or with children of a young age who have no concept of time. When the kids have been told that their parents will be away, for how long they will be away, and when they'll be back AND keep being reminded by their host that they'll be seeing their Mommy and Daddy soon whilst reminding them of the impending gift they do not generally feel abandoned.

To be honest, I will miss them so badly and would love to speak to them every day, but I don't want to be selfish if it's to their detriment.

Those of you that have had kids staying with them -- did you feel it necessary for the kid to talk to his parents every day?
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 3:54 pm
I'm sorry, I misunderstood the question. I thought just if you went away and the children were home. When that was the case, I guess it was the same. Wink
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 6:56 pm
yo'ma wrote:
I'm sorry, I misunderstood the question. I thought just if you went away and the children were home. When that was the case, I guess it was the same. Wink


Sorry if I wasn't clear. To clarify, both DH and I will be away and our children will be staying with family.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2015, 7:43 pm
amother wrote:
Sorry if I wasn't clear. To clarify, both DH and I will be away and our children will be staying with family.
g
You were clear. I misread it. When we had two or three little ones, we left them by my parents. We were gone for about 4-5 days. I don't think we spoke to them at all. I spoke to my mother and she said they were doing well. The only other times they stayed home and someone came to us. Pretty much the same thing. B'h we don't have separation anxiety, but it didn't mean we didn't miss each other. Wink
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