How to handle guests whose kids break things?

amother

Brown

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 4:17 pm

How do I deal with guests in the succah whose kids break things while the parents are eating? We have toys. The kids get bored with the toys after a half hour and start messing around with other stuff.

Fox

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 4:23 pm

You stop the mayhem as quickly as possible, and assuming the parents apologize, say, "No harm done. It was an accident." You may, however, say this with a strained smile that doesn't reach your eyes.

If they've broken something valuable or with sentimental value, you entertain any offers of replacement or compensation.

If not, you consider it a kaporah and think seriously before extending another invitation to the family in question.

amother

Brown

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 4:29 pm

The parents were not apologetic. I would feel bad making them walk to the shul succah though. I was wondering if maybe I should tell them that I am inviting them for Kiddush and Hamotzi in the succah but not the rest of the meal. Would that be wrong? The kids seem to play well for the first 45 minutes.

rachel91

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 4:32 pm

Yes, in my opinion that would be wrong! You either invite for the whole meal, or not at all.
Broken things, messy house, etc. are usually risks, that come with the pleasure of having guests.

mummiedearest

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 4:59 pm

for sukkos guests, you can bring the food out and then lock the door to the house. that way, no one goes inside and breaks things. the kids can play outside the sukkah when they get restless.

Simple1

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 5:24 pm

Did you try speaking up? I've had annoying situations like that and used to assume the parents would step in, but that wouldn't always happen. Now Ive learned that I have to speak up and tell them to stop. If they still continue, then that's a whole different level of mishavior.

Fox

Wed, Oct 07 2015, 5:29 pm

amother wrote:

The parents were not apologetic. I would feel bad making them walk to the shul succah though.

You can't solve everybody's problem, nor can you assume that what bothers you necessarily bothers them.

These people have a few choices:

1. They can build their own succah;

2. They can find invitations from families with more childproofing;

3. They can put a bit more effort into supervising their children when they are guests; or

4. They can walk to the shul succah.

If there are extenuating circumstances that preclude any of these solutions, they will have to choose from the remaining ones.

If they would prefer to walk to the shul succah rather than watch their kids, so be it.

Should they attempt to invite themselves, politely decline, saying, "Oh, we'd so love to have you, but as you know, our house is not really childproofed, and your kids had such a hard time playing without damaging anything."

True, they are likely to think that you are uptight fuddy-duddies who don't understand wonderful, special children like theirs. Somehow I think you'll have a lot of company in that group, though.

amother

Brown

Fri, Oct 09 2015, 4:49 pm

Fox wrote:

Should they attempt to invite themselves, politely decline, saying, "Oh, we'd so love to have you, but as you know, our house is not really childproofed, and your kids had such a hard time playing without damaging anything."

This. I let my friend know that I won't be able to host her family next year. I decided to keep it simple and say that my family was nervous the entire yom tov. She said it's too difficult to bring her family to the shul succah with food. I said that I am letting her know now so she has time to make plans for next year.