Mixed seating at a wedding

amother

Denim

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:07 pm

Having mixed seating at a wedding, is that a choice of the couple or is it the caterer that decides. If I see no mention of seating restrictions in the contract may I assume that I many have some mixed seating? We have the full gambit from chassidim to non jewish coworkers. Would be nice to satisfy everyone. Dancing of course will be separate.

mha3484

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:14 pm

We let people choose on the reply card if they wanted to sit mixed or separate. It worked out pretty well. We used a hotel with its own in house caterer so they have no rules.

cnc

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:15 pm

sourstix wrote:

no it has to do with the couple. what type are the couple? assuming the dancing is separate the meal will too. maybe I am wrong.

u

That assumption is nor necessarily correct.
I've been to many family simchos where there is mixed seating and separate dancing.

cbg

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:18 pm

Talk to the caterer. Most of the time, they will accommodate you. Also they have the most experience on how to set it up.

I've been to mixed seating weddings, where some of the tables were mixed and some separate seating. Personally if there is a mixed table on the woman side, I won't dance. Having mixed seating on the men side is a problem because women may not be tzniut.
I was at one wedding where the wedding was completely mixed seating, and the ladies mechitza was cornered off. It was nice to sit with DH, but after 30 min. the women sat on one side to talk, and the men to the other.

saw50st8

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:19 pm

amother wrote:

Some halls have restrictions, not the caterer.

Is it a Jewish-owned hall? I know that Ateres Charna for example doesn't really allow mixed seating (maybe a table? but not a simcha)

nicole81

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:21 pm

it's the couple's choice. but you might want to double check that it's ok with the caterer. I've never dealt with a caterer who had an issue with this, but I suppose they exist somewhere... also, depending on the numbers from each "crowd" you're inviting, you might want to consider making a mixed seating section if there are enough people that warrant separate seating

sourstix wrote:

no it has to do with the couple. what type are the couple? assuming the dancing is separate the meal will too. maybe I am wrong.

this might be a reflection of your experiences, but I would never assume that. it happens to be that about half of the simchas I go to have mixed seating and separate dancing, including my first wedding, and we got married in boro park. more and more commonly people are breaking down the mechitza for dining because really, do most people even enjoy going to a fancy dinner without their spouse??

Sanguine

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:22 pm

It's very very common at DL weddings in Israel (don't know other places) to have mixed seating with separate dancing with tall mechitzas surrounding all the sides of the lady's dancing. Sometimes the friends of the Chattan and Kallah sit separate (I think that's a big mistake - That's the chance for his friends to meet her friends and get new couples Wink

- the caterer should insist on mixed tables of singles)

amother

Denim

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:25 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

Some halls have restrictions, not the caterer.

Is it a Jewish-owned hall? I know that Ateres Charna for example doesn't really allow mixed seating (maybe a table? but not a simcha)

Do you know if Tiferes Mordechai allows mixed seating? One person told me no another, who made a simcha there, said they said you can have a "few".

saw50st8

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

Do you know if Tiferes Mordechai allows mixed seating? One person told me no another, who made a simcha there, said they said you can have a "few".

I don't know what Tiferes Mordechai is, but I would speculate that they allow a few tables for work colleagues or non-religious family and whatnot but not for your regular (orthodox Jewish) guests.

I don't mean that to sound offensive and bigoted. It's not my policy :-)

Mimisinger

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 2:36 pm

A lot of halls don't allow mixed seating. We were going to be married at one hall in Brooklyn that we know had had mixed seating in the past, but They didn't allow us to. It turns out that the neighbors were complaining, so they didn't allow it anymore. It's hard when you have family or coworkers that aren't frum.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 3:44 pm

sourstix wrote:

no it has to do with the couple. what type are the couple? assuming the dancing is separate the meal will too. maybe I am wrong.

Um, no. There are many many many people who have mixed seating for the meal but have separate dancing.

cbg

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 4:02 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

Some halls have restrictions, not the caterer.

Is it a Jewish-owned hall? I know that Ateres Charna for example doesn't really allow mixed seating (maybe a table? but not a simcha)

Don't halls come with a caterer. So in reality it's the same thing

sped

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 4:04 pm

cbg wrote:

Did you check this out? I am considered quite charedi and asked a very charedi rav about this. I was told that as long as there is a mechitza, it is the men's responsibility to go to their side and I should dance.

Maya

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 4:47 pm

sped wrote:

At a lot of Chassidish weddings, many women won't dance if the photographer on the ladies side is a man. Almost everyone I know hires a separate female photographer.

33055

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 7:16 pm

The crowd has to know what to do with separate seating and separate dancing. I attended a Monsey chassunah that was supposed to be separate seating and the crowd split up based on whether they were related to bride or groom. The same thing happened during the dancing. The more secular people couldn't understand why there was a wall between families.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 8:17 pm

We had mixed seating with 2 or 3 separate tables, the ladies one closest to the ladies dancing and the men's closest to the men's. Ladies dancing was fully enclosed by high mechitza other than a small entry gap. We asked on the invitation where people wanted to sit. Surprisingly, vast majority of those who we expected to say separate wanted to sit with spouses, even those who would never do that normally (we made it clear there would be no risk of accidental dancing viewing!)

We also had a mechitza monitor to check there was no gap during dancing.

It meant that lots of non orthodox family felt comfortable to come, unlike other events in our family previously, kept both sides happy (one more yeshivish, other DL) and made lots of people happy, including some very shtark friends who confessed that they had the best time sitting and shmoozing with their husbands and wives and it was such a lovely opportunity to enjoy a simcha together.

mommyhood

Mon, Oct 12 2015, 9:44 pm

Many of the NY area frum halls don't allow mixed seating. The rule comes from the hall, the caterer just works for the hall they don't generally make the rules even if they're the exclusive caterer.
We asked a few halls who officially don't allow mixed seating and they all were willing to let us have one or two mixed tables for family.
Don't make assumptions. There are halls that will refuse to let the band play if there are things they don't approve of.