Four year old doing sneaky stuff

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Silver

Sat, Oct 24 2015, 5:15 pm

My four year old will do some sneaky stuff. She takes drinks that she knows she shouldn't take, open them and then hide the open bottles. She cut her own hair, told us her friend did it and then bragged to us that she did it herself in her room. She has lied before and I don't like leaving her in her room by herself.
Are these early signs of rebelliousness? Besides for punishing individual behaviors, can I just nip behaviours like this in the bud before life and temptations get a little more serious? Am I overreacting?

water_bear88

Sat, Oct 24 2015, 5:45 pm

These are normal behaviors for a preschooler- more signs of intelligence than of future rebelliousness. She's testing limits, seeing what she can get away with, and understanding that words and facts do not always match up. She's learning it's possible for her to do one thing and say another. None of this says she can't learn what appropriate behavior is- just that she still needs to be taught!

Regarding consequences, maybe don't let her have access to scissors (unless they're safety scissors, she shouldn't have access to them anyway). Assuming we're talking about sweet drinks that were meant for Shabbos, maybe let her know you won't be buying them again next week as a consequence- and follow through. The most important thing is to talk to her about honesty and keep your temper while doing it.

Laiya

Sat, Oct 24 2015, 11:52 pm

I agree with Water Bear--perfectly normal.

I read somewhere that it's better not to ask young children questions about their behavior in a way that gives them an opportunity to lie. So ex. rather than say, Did you spill the milk? Just assume she did and show her how to make amends or fix the problem.

Don't over-react, stay calm and focus on dealing with the issue, not on the lying aspect.

I also read somewhere that kids at this age engage in "magical thinking"--which means they think that if they say what they *hope* or wish, saying it can change reality.

So no, this doesn't mean anything at all about her future.

imasinger

Sun, Oct 25 2015, 7:47 am

I like what both waterbear and laiya said. It's also worth mentioning that kids crave attention, and if they don't get enough for doing things you like, they'll instinctively go for the action that gets a reaction. Be sure you are positive, interested, and enthusiastic about all the times your DD does anything neutral or good. If you emote (yell, moan about what will become of them, cry, talk a lot about) anything bad, you are actually encouraging a child to misbehave more.

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