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Need comeback line for dd
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 10:07 am
Teen dd just shared this morning with me there has been a girl in her class who has been saying to her everyday- things like "why are you here, we don't want you here, who needs you etc. I was hoping that dd was misunderstanding her joking around, but then dd said she finally spoke up for herself and told the girl its really mean and its hurting her feelings. I was soo hoping the end of the story was going to be, I was just kidding sorry- but no, the girl said- well its true and I only tell the truth. Then dd said she called her a "poop face" and walked away- ok ladies- poop face really- help me come up with something better than that as a response- cuz "poop face" isn't going to get her anywhere. I would love to tell her she can call the girl all kinds of names, but that is stooping to the girl's level- any suggestions-

(yes- already have a call in to the principal and school counselor and mechanechet-this was just the tip of the iceberg as to the bullying that she has been dealing with for the past few years that I am just learning more details about now.- also looking into pulling her from the environment- other schools- homeschooling etc. and of course thinking of therapy to help her heal- can I send those parents the bill?))
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be good




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 10:34 am
http://www.ahaparenting.com/pa.....child
excerpt of the above link:

The best strategy is always to maintain one's own dignity, and to let the "bully" maintain his dignity, in other words, not to attack or demean the other person. To do this, simply say something calm like:

"You know, Iā€™m just going to ignore that comment."

"I think I have something else to do right now."

"No thank you."

Then, just walk away.

Teach your child to count to ten to stay calm, look the bully in the eye, and say one of these things. Practice until your child has a strong, self-assured tone.
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amother
Black


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 10:38 am
Sorry but those other parents will probably have to pay for their daughter's therapy. Saying things like that when you are almost ready to get married isn't normal. Not even for teenage girls.

The girl needs a verbal slap in the face from your daughter if you want this to stop. Bullies are scared of power. Your dd needs to say things like " If you have social problems you can go elsewhere, outdoors might be far enough.

"don't worry, I can't imagine who would want to be near you!" Did you ever consider a ______ fill in the blank, shower, acne treatment, therapy session.

A few good stingers and the girl will move on to the next target. They only have to be a little tiny bit true to work. The trick is to say these things without a trace of anger. If you can laugh a little also it helps.

The main thing is to realize, you are not stooping to her level when you do this any more than you are stooping to the level of an arab stabber when you shoot him first. Every human being is endowed by Hashem with the right to protect himself. If you can teach your daughter to respect herself enough to do this, you will have given her a skill for life.

Say thank you to the bully for giving you the opportunity.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 10:39 am
And tell your DD how proud and happy you are that she has good middos. You are so happy to have a special daughter who is not a bully, because that would make you sadder than anything. Allow her to see herself as someone good and worthy.

My sister was recently telling me that she was bullied in the early elementary school grades. There was a whole situation going on and the school handled it really well, because it stopped. One thing the teacher did was discuss with the class how they would like to see themselves - as someone mean, with bad middos, who sides with a girl who tells them to do aveiros....or as someone strong who stands up for what is right?

The bully pretty much lost her henchmen, as the girls in the class chose to stop backing her.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 11:12 am
I agree with Black amother.

My kids were bullied on our block by a horrible girl.

When my child fought back, they came banging on my door saying how mean!

I lost it. I yelled at the parent and I yelled at the child. I mean serious yelling.

Whenever I see her I give her the look of death.

She hasn't bothered them since.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 11:49 am
You dont need a comeback line. When someone is insulting you, you walk away. Dont bother engaging them in any further interaction.

And once you know someone is an abuser, you steer clear of them. You stay away from them. Even obviously so. Like, as if they have the cooties.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 11:50 am
amother wrote:
.She hasn't bothered them since.

I guess if that's your one and only goal, that approach might be the one to go with.

But if a parent's goal is to stop the bullying while at the same time helping her child (and herself) maintain her sense of self as previous posters mentioned, and grow from the experience, maybe not so much.
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spring13




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 2:48 pm
Doesn't need to be overly clever. Just "Wow, ok. Good bye then." Don't let the bully see you react, either getting sad or getting mad. All DD needs to do is blink a little and move on.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 2:56 pm
What about your DD saying something like, "what's your mother's name, so I can put you on the Refuah Shelemah list"
Then tell your daughter to really Daven for her, because this girl has a real problem.
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booboo24




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:03 pm
honestly, I find when I get a comment or wtvr it is from someone trying to be hurtful....the best thing to do is give them a look that says: "who are you and what are you even talkiing about" rolling her eyes...that kind of thing.
you want your dd to make this girl feel stupid without actually having to use her words and if she does need to use words, all she has to say is " are you for real, how old are you that youre saying these kinds of things....
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:13 pm
I agree with Chani8. Don't engage. Walk away.

Focus on building your dd's feeing of strength dignity and self love. When DS was being bullied, we talked about the bullying behaviors and asked "now, why do you think someone would say or do those things?" We had a conversation about how DS thought the bully must be sad or hurting or want attention and was mistakenly taking it out on DS in an effort to feel better about himself. I think that feeling like he had some insight into the behavior gave him a feeling of power and strength and less like a victim.

It was also easier to brush off the hurtful words when DS thought about what feelings were behind them rather than just hearing the words. It also deepened dd's identity as a kind and compassionate person which made him feel good.

Good luck and I hope the school is helpful
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:18 pm
booboo24 wrote:
honestly, I find when I get a comment or wtvr it is from someone trying to be hurtful....the best thing to do is give them a look that says: "who are you and what are you even talkiing about" rolling her eyes...that kind of thing.
you want your dd to make this girl feel stupid without actually having to use her words and if she does need to use words, all she has to say is " are you for real, how old are you that youre saying these kinds of things....

love this one!
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:22 pm
Miri7 wrote:
I agree with Chani8. Don't engage. Walk away.

Focus on building your dd's feeing of strength dignity and self love. When DS was being bullied, we talked about the bullying behaviors and asked "now, why do you think someone would say or do those things?" We had a conversation about how DS thought the bully must be sad or hurting or want attention and was mistakenly taking it out on DS in an effort to feel better about himself. I think that feeling like he had some insight into the behavior gave him a feeling of power and strength and less like a victim.

It was also easier to brush off the hurtful words when DS thought about what feelings were behind them rather than just hearing the words. It also deepened dd's identity as a kind and compassionate person which made him feel good.

Good luck and I hope the school is helpful


Thanks- dd said this has been going on for a while and she used to just ignore it- but it builds and builds until you just need to say something.
Also, I had discussed before with dd about bullying and its the other person that has the problem etc..- I think after hearing myself saying it over and over again it just gives an excuse for the bullies poor behavior when the poor behaivior needs to be called out and they need to be put in their place and not pitied.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:24 pm
amother wrote:
What about your DD saying something like, "what's your mother's name, so I can put you on the Refuah Shelemah list"
Then tell your daughter to really Daven for her, because this girl has a real problem.



yikes- that is good, but very low.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 3:54 pm
amother wrote:
yikes- that is good, but very low.


Why low, the girl obviously has an issue. I would Daven for her.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 4:01 pm
It's one thing to pity her, it's another to show her that she's being pitied.
"Oh nebach, I know it's hard to _____" "I'll Daven that Hashem should help you" walks away sadly.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 4:09 pm
amother wrote:
Why low, the girl obviously has an issue. I would Daven for her.

I guess I was reading it with a snooty tone in my head.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 4:10 pm
Iymnok wrote:
It's one thing to pity her, it's another to show her that she's being pitied.
"Oh nebach, I know it's hard to _____" "I'll Daven that Hashem should help you" walks away sadly.


this is good!
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fmt4




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 4:51 pm
Is your daughter the one who said poop face or was it the other girl? It's unclear. Because if your daughter said it it seems like she might be a bit immature, and perhaps that is why she is being bullied? That is something a five year old would say not a teenager.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 27 2015, 5:55 pm
"Why are you here? Get away, nobody likes you."

"That's a reallly mean thing to say. Why are you so nasty?"

"I'm only telling the truth. I always tell the truth."

"No, that's not truth, it's your opinion. And it's a mean thing to say. I hope most of the others here are not as mean and rude as you are." (Turn around and walk away with head held high).

I think therapy is a good idea, both to help your DD learn how to deal with bullies, and to increase her own social skills. She needs to make a few friends who will stick up for her, and by teen years, should have a better comeback than "poopface", which will just increase the teasing and bullying.

And maybe a different school.

And you might try readng "Queen Bees and Wannabees".
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