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Forum
-> Parenting our children
What percentage of parents don't discipline their kids?
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zero - Everyone disciplines |
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15% |
[ 12 ] |
10% (1 in 10) |
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32% |
[ 25 ] |
15% (1 in 7) |
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19% |
[ 15 ] |
20% (1 in 5) |
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7% |
[ 6 ] |
25% (1 in 4) |
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14% |
[ 11 ] |
> 25% (worse) |
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11% |
[ 9 ] |
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Total Votes : 78 |
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amother
Seafoam
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Fri, Oct 30 2015, 1:36 am
Through the years I've learned more and more never to judge a parent by their child's behavior. I know through the experience with my children that even the best and well behaved child can act out once in a while. I know that most of the times when I take my children out to eat they are really well behaved but there has been those 2 incidents when they really misbehaved. There were a few incidents in the grocery store also. I'm sure that anybody who observed my children on those days thought that I was the worst parents and that I didn't know how to handle my children. Every child acts out once in a while. It's not our job to judge.
When ever I see a child acting out in public I always think that it could just as well have been my child and I never judge.
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bigsis144
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Fri, Oct 30 2015, 2:10 am
eema of 3 wrote: | What does TTYTT mean? |
To Tell You The Truth
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FranticFrummie
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Fri, Oct 30 2015, 2:43 am
"I used to be a perfect parent - and then I had kids."
I don't judge now, but I used to. I got more involved in the Autism community, and became more compassionate about meltdowns and kids who run off. Hashem gave me a child with special needs, and I had to learn how to deal with her own challenges. You can "Tsk" at 100 parents of neurotypical kids, but one nasty glare at a special needs parent can really ruin their whole day (week, month) and it is SO not worth it. What exactly are you accomplishing?
For some kids, natural consequences mean nothing. For others, a loss of privilege is no big thing. Some kids shut down when you raise your voice to them. All of these are legitimate forms of "punishment", but they don't work all the time, with every kid. You see parents "not trying", and it may be "a parent at the end of their rope."
Try being constructive instead. "Dovi seems bored, upset, etc. Is there some way I can help?" That would be the most AMAZING thing for a frazzled mother to hear. Don't be surprised if she breaks down into tears of gratitude.
As for worrying about your house getting wrecked, I suggest you get down to kid level, and look around. What looks tempting to you if you were little? MOVE IT! Childproofing is called that for a reason. Trust me, I'm a collector of antique china, I know what I'm talking about. High shelves, glass front cabinets, and locking doors are worth every penny if you want your kids to have friends over. Not to mention it's just plain safer.
BTW, I understand the annoyance of kids interrupting phone calls. You don't know what that kid wanted, or how close the kid was to a meltdown. Your friend should have offered to call you back after the crisis was handled, and not keep you waiting. "Sarala is cranky because it's really close to nap time, and she's driving me nuts. Let me put her to bed and I'll call you back in 15 minutes." I'll bet you totally would have understood that, right?
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Ruchel
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Sun, Nov 01 2015, 11:31 am
Around me, too many already. On American groups? many don't discipline not because given up but by choice. I'll never understa,d.
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cm
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Sun, Nov 01 2015, 11:41 am
Don't know what the fads are now, but 10-15 years ago when I spent a great deal more time with very young children and their parents, there certainly was as school of thought that "no" was a dirty word and that young children's behavior should never be corrected. A minority to be sure, but one would see it in certain circles.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Nov 01 2015, 4:47 pm
cm wrote: | Don't know what the fads are now, but 10-15 years ago when I spent a great deal more time with very young children and their parents, there certainly was as school of thought that "no" was a dirty word and that young children's behavior should never be corrected. A minority to be sure, but one would see it in certain circles. |
I say yes to my kids, but I say no plenty enough too. OP would probably think I don't discipline my kids when she hears me say yes to things she wouldn't allow.
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momof2+?
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Sun, Aug 19 2018, 8:12 pm
Eema of 3, you seem to repeating yourself saying that although it may seem to other ppl that you don't discipline, you really do. Do you allow your kids to do the list of actions listed by the op? If you do, what DO you discipline for?
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sped
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 5:48 am
DS8 recently informed that we are the only parents in his WHOLE class -no, his whole school - who tell their kids what to do and not do, when to go to bed, what to eat and not and so on. So I guess the percentage must be 99.999999999999 that don't.
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amother
Coral
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 9:14 am
amother wrote: | Op here. What I meant to say is based on what you see do you know parents who will let their kids throw things on the floor whenever and wherever they want? Run around a supermarket? Grab whatever they see in other peoples' homes? Tell the teachers off? Hit other children? Yell at the top of their lungs whenever they want?
What really bothers me is if I have a quick question to ask someone on the phone they will interrupt me to have a fifteen minute conversation with their toddler.
What I am seeing is a lot of parents who will let the kids do whatever they want as long as they are not in danger of getting hurt. |
Did it ever occur to you that sometimes this has nothing to do with disciple and some kids have behavioral issues?
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WastingTime
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 10:18 am
The question is judgmental and condescending . Just because some parents struggle with discipline doesn't mean they 'don't discipline' b'shita
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Ema of 5
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 10:49 am
momof2+? wrote: | Eema of 3, you seem to repeating yourself saying that although it may seem to other ppl that you don't discipline, you really do. Do you allow your kids to do the list of actions listed by the op? If you do, what DO you discipline for? |
There are things I allow and things I don’t. I do not allow them to destroy other people’s houses or belongings. However that doesn’t mean they won’t do it.
You seem to be misunderstanding what I said (3 years ago, by the way) and focusing on one thing and taking it out of context.
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NovelConcept
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:03 am
momof2+? wrote: | Eema of 3, you seem to repeating yourself saying that although it may seem to other ppl that you don't discipline, you really do. Do you allow your kids to do the list of actions listed by the op? If you do, what DO you discipline for? |
For repeating herself, she's been pretty quiet. In fact, she hasn't said anything in about 2.5 years...
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amother
Mustard
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:06 am
amother wrote: | I do not really know people like this. My son has one friend who is "wild". He is very difficult to have over. Mom knows hes wild. He probably has ADHD tho...
My friends for the most part have well mannered and well disciplined kids. I have one DS who is on the difficult/moody side... I do not think its my parenting if he throws a tantrum at my friends house... His issue BH is not with being wild and breaking things (and I hope he never gets to that point). We have done many things to try and help him. Please dont judge me if he makes a scene in the grocery store because he cannot have a food that you are unaware he is allergic to but he desperately wants... My discipline would be to stand my ground and not give in to his scene. I apologize if his scene may bother you...
I do not know the specific situations you are referring to, but I do not know anyone who would not discipline their child for being wild and breaking something. I do not mean they would necessarily punish them in public, but they would certainly reprimand them and make sure child apologizes or what not. |
I don't think OP was referring to a situation like your. To me it sounds like she's talking about when an entire family runs wild - all the kids. I have a family member like this, so I understand what she is talking about. His kids are always running wild and they're disrespectful as h*ll to their parents and to other elders. The parents philosophy in raising their kids is you just have to give them love and besides for a few minor restrictions -anything goes. Their kids are always climbing furniture, raiding closets, breaking stuff etc. To them, this is normal little kid behavior, and it is something that they'll outgrow. The problem is that they do the same stuff wherever they go - parents, in laws, friends, neighbors. Most people have stopped inviting them over. It's not an easy situation.
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leah233
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:20 am
WastingTime wrote: | The question is judgmental and condescending . Just because some parents struggle with discipline doesn't mean they 'don't discipline' b'shita |
Depends if the OP is asking (1)what percentage of parents don't believe in enforcing discipline or (2) what percentage of parents have difficulty in enforcing discipline.
(1)is a valid topic of conversation (2)is judgmental
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NovelConcept
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:20 am
Zehava wrote: | My baby’s body is telling him that he needs to tumble down the steps now. Who am I to tell him no? |
LOL Yes, it sounds that absurd! The mother being "taught" to correctly unschool was in tears, because she got upset when the kids were breaking things or chutzpadig, etc.
She was told that it is so, so hard to learn to let kids just live, but she'll get there. She'll work on it every day, and little by little, it will get easier.
Like the woman needed therapy for being a responsible mother. Ridiculous.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:36 am
NovelConcept wrote: | LOL Yes, it sounds that absurd! The mother being "taught" to correctly unschool was in tears, because she got upset when the kids were breaking things or chutzpadig, etc.
She was told that it is so, so hard to learn to let kids just live, but she'll get there. She'll work on it every day, and little by little, it will get easier.
Like the woman needed therapy for being a responsible mother. Ridiculous. |
If she's going for such ridiculous parenting, she needs therapy alright.
Common sense, anyone?
My 10-year-old's DD's body NEEDS coca cola for breakfast. Fortunately (or B"H!) my brains haven't fallen out yet.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:44 am
Don't disciple like you would?
Don't discipline at all because they're burned out or don't know why?
Don't care?
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WastingTime
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Mon, Aug 20 2018, 12:03 pm
leah233 wrote: | Depends if the OP is asking (1)what percentage of parents don't believe in enforcing discipline or (2) what percentage of parents have difficulty in enforcing discipline.
(1)is a valid topic of conversation (2)is judgmental |
I disagree. I don't think exists, extreme cases/ neglect aside. And I don't think if parents choose to ignore a specific behavior/ a child's behavior in a certain situation it means they don't believe in disciplining on principle. Such a statement is too broad.
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