One and half feet out the door...but to where??

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions

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amother

Gray

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 9:44 pm

My husband is the other half foot that is still not 100% on board yet to make aliyah. We are now in the very beginning stages of seeing if this can become a reality. We went to a Nefesh B'Nefesh workshop and I'm more sold than ever and he is now much more open to the idea.
Our biggest concerns now are our kids and money. In regards to the kids- schooling and "Defining ourselves" as daati leumi, chardal etc. I dont feel like I am completely one thing, nor does my husband.
Money is...well...money! the whole process, moving, the lift, and then the actual living in Israel with our future uncertain.

so...to the kids/schooling/community: where to ? please advise!
We are from NY/NJ, not yeshivish at all but what you would maybe call YU-Machmir. We have internet and TV (via computer). We value English/secular subjects as well as Judaic studies, of course.
We've of course heard all about the virtues of RBS and BS (alpeh, hey...or Sheinfeld..) but I'm open to hearing about other places.
There are great incentives to moving South- what do you know about Kiryat Gat (or the newer community that is in progress- Carmei Gat)
Be'er Sheva?
or stick to RBS/BS/J-m?
help please!

(I realize this post seems choppy. apologies! My mind is just scattered these days...)

mazal555

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 12:02 am

Listen, aliyah is great, but it's also really, really hard. It can be very worth it. But don't do it if your husband isn't 100% into it. Or at least 90%.

amother

Gray

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 12:43 am

I understand that but we are now in the "where to?" Part of the process. And he's getting more on board and I feel like if we have an actual destination,that would be helpful.

5mom

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 12:57 am

Do you have friends who have made aliyah? Where are they? It really helps to visit a neighborhood, especially over a shabbos. At the very least, speak to people in Israel who are from your town or know you.

yalimommy

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 1:33 am

Are you looking specifically for a city, or is a yishuv a possibility? How old are your kids?

vicki

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 1:46 am

I would stick to BS/RBS. It has so many benefits for new olim. Choice of schools, choice of social circles. I don't see (m)any miserable new olim here.
The families I know that moved away after the initial aliya period are either still unhappy in their new community - so I believe it was not the place that was keeping them down to begin with - or had a plan in mind to move to JM by way of RBS as soon as they could purchase the house of their dreams in JM.
Also, if your dh is willing to make aliya, I don't think even 90% certainty is necessary. But he needs to be willing to chance it regardless of certainty.

aquad

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 1:58 am

RBS/BS is very good for that type of crowd- YU Machmir. But it is an Anglo bubble, and you need to be ok with that. It's also pretty expensive.
We're right-wing YU/YU machmir, and we opted to not move there because we did not want the Anglo bubble for our children.

DrMom

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 3:39 am

You should line up several places to visit and then take a pilot trip. Ask to see communities, schools, etc. Talk to people. Lots of people. Arrange ahead of time to speak to people with kids your kids' ages, people in your line of work who can help you make connections, etc.

Some other places you may want to consider:

Efrat and nearby places in the Gush
Rehovot
Yad Binyamin

LisaS

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 3:41 am

I recommend you check out Modiin.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 3:46 am

LisaS wrote:

I recommend you check out Modiin.

I dont think midiin is yu machmir, as the op said in her first post. much more on the modern side than not.

temimusdik

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 3:49 am

Like the posted above wrote Aliyah is awesome and amazing and the best decision you'll ever make if you do move but yes, very difficult. Being in it together really really helps. You'll need to be each others' backbone through it because you both need to be strong for your kids. Finding a place where DH will be happy will help a lot.
It's also hard for men because even if they 100% want to move, they ultimately have the financial burden on their shoulders which is very worrisome. And even if you have savings, to see them drain slowly as you spend so much money on the move and a lift if you make one. It weighs on him. Most people do not have jobs when they move to Israel. Getting a job that requires a degree without a teudat zehut (Israeli ID) # is almost impossible. It's all about connections, start making them now...

Choosing a "label" is something so many struggle with but really you need to feel out the paces and schools. Some send their kids to different labeled schools and are very happy that way. Once you see the people in your area and what they call themselves, many times you'll find yourself saying you're the one you see most fits your similarities but really in the end of the day I don't see it mattering 100%.

If your kids are (very) young. Like maybe under 3, I say move to a hebrew speaking community if you ever want to learn. You'll be forced to work on your hebrew and practice makes perfect and your kids will be fluent. It's a good start. If they're older then Hebrew speaking community move can be very very hard. A more anglo community might be better to start in terms of comfort but if learning the language is important to you, remember the earlier the easier!

ora_43

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 4:42 am

Could you explain what YU-machmir is for us Israelis? Wink

I think I understand what you mean in terms of lifestyle, but what's the ideology? or in other words - what are your specific issues with defining yourselves in Israeli terms? (not Zionist enough for DL? too ashkenazi for Shas? etc)

How old are your kids, and are they excited about the move?

Do any of you speak Hebrew? Or have Israeli family? Or will this be a completely new language and culture for you?

In terms of environment, would you prefer to live in a large city, a medium-sized city, a small city, or a small town? IE, if you had to choose between having libraries and shops and restaurants nearby and a short commute, or quiet and green and knowing all your neighbors and a long commute - which is better? Or something in the middle?

What's your current community like in socio-economic terms? (Wondering b/c you'll probably want to look for something similar here - going from an upper-middle-class US community to a financially-challenged Israeli community could be quite a culture shock)

ora_43

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 4:43 am

Also, what's your budget for buying a home here? Or are you looking to rent for the foreseeable future?

November

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 5:16 am

Ramat Shiloh in RBS has other right wing YU families
There is a nice community of young olim families who are very happy in Rechovot. They are more like open charedi but might be a good match for you.

Chana4

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 6:26 am

Try the Gush- Efrat, Elazar....

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 3:28 pm

I think you'd fit in really well in Karmiel. Contact Rabbi Ephriam Shwartz, he's wonderful!

There's a thriving anglo community there, good schools, not too expensive, and the town is growing fast. http://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 04 2015, 10:40 pm

aquad wrote:

What's "expensive"- to rent or buy?
Do you mind my askng where you ended up?

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 04 2015, 10:50 pm

November wrote:

I've heard of Ramat Shiloh a bit. Is this the one that is still in development?
What types of people are moving there?
One of our biggest issues is that We have several kids- from baby to pre- teen.
With that in mind, we feel like we need a somewhat Anglo area to help them acclimate but at same time don't want to move to a "mini America" per se

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 04 2015, 11:00 pm

ora_43 wrote:

Could you explain what YU-machmir is for us Israelis? Wink

I don't know how quite to phrase it in Israeli terms: we are "just plain frum", not yeshivish, not modern orthodox. In shallow terms- I don't wear stockings, my daughters wear short sleeves till about 9, we have Internet and go to movies.
We value Torah, my husband loves to learn but we also value a good secular education and do not subscribe to the whole kollel movement as a whole.
I want to be in a community that will value us not by what we do or do not wear.

Correct me if I'm wrong- I feel, based on talking to several people, that if I were to go to a more right wing area, like some places in RBS I'd have to change, give up things.. And I'd have to worry about fitting in or having my children get in trouble.
Whereas if I go to a more left of center area, they are more welcoming and there is more diversity.
My sister lives in Bet Shemesh (not rbs) and she has men who wear hats, kippot serugot, sheitels, hats...and they all daven in same shul and there's no condescension.
Ok, this got a bit long.... Sorry!

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 04 2015, 11:01 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thanks I will check into it!

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