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Feeling lost need help parenting!!



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gr8 mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 7:59 am
I have 3 adorable kids bh they r 1-3-4 and im a stay at home mom with the 1 yr. old home and others in playgroup. I have recently been feeling lost when parenting! I understandably lose it a lot because things can get hectic and heated! Wondering how others have gone about getting tips on parenting and learning how to handle and control urself in different scenarios whether books, lectures, classes....and any advice tips that u use daily to help u and keep u going ...im feeling veerrryy lost, down and burnt out!

TIA!
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gr8 mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 3:08 pm
Bump
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moonmama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 3:25 pm
It's a really tough stage. Everyone is little and it can get so crazy that even though you know there is a "right way" to handle the situations that arise they are flying at you so thick and fast that you just react and can't think straight. I feel for you.

You might find it a good idea to take a parenting course, read a book try to listen to some parenting shiurim on line just to give yourself chizuk. Knowing that you are taking steps to improve the situation might make you feel calmer even if each interaction with your kids is still difficult. Everyone will have a different opinion on what books, classes or whatever is good. You just have to find one that resonates with you. I really don't think it matters. Just pick a derech that feels right and use it to guide you. The real point is just to feel like you are taking control of the situation. If you are calmer and feel more in control everything will improve with time.

If you don't have time to read or take a class or anything, then spend a couple of minutes first thing in the morning and before you go to sleep trying to visualize yourself speaking calmly to your kids. Talk from a strong place deep in your diaphragm and avoid squeaking up into your throat. Believe that they will listen. Eventually! Try to keep the atmosphere in your home positive, keep smiling at every mirror you pass and give lots of kisses and cuddles. And remember, not every infraction needs to be reacted to right away. If it's not a teachable moment, let it pass for now and work out a plan of action for repeating behaviours when you are calmer and can think straight.

Hatzlacha and be good to yourself, this is a really hard job, you will never be perfect, none of us is, if you mess up one minute, the rest of your life starts the very next minute.
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gr8 mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 4:02 pm
Wow thanks so much... ur post in itself is chizzuk and inspiring something that I can read each day... thanks for taking the time to post this!
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 7:59 pm
Wow I can say I've been in your shoes and still am. To give you an idea, I had the same age set up but about a half a year later (you said you have a 1yr old) I had a 4th! It was intense and I still have plenty of days that feel like I'm running a marathon/c'mon, seriously!?!? I just told you.../can't wait for this day to be over - if you understand that and I'm sure you are probably smiling and nodding to yourself! And it's tough but a few things have helped me tremendously. For starters, sometimes I need to step out of the situation. Ex. Walking out of the room, hiding in the bathroom etc. ions a moment to breathe and compose myself helps to avoid snapping. Another thing that always works without fail, is in the moment, instead of reacting to the situation, to react towards Hashem- to say Hashem I'm not sure how to handle this or it feels to much for me and I need your help to stay calm, sane, patient... Fill in the blank and unload to Hashem for a quick minute. You'll feel a lift in your load and you can continue forward. And one more thing that I find works wonders is that when I start the day I plan to be positive and smiling at all times. It's hard yes but if you can keep it up the next day goes so smooth from the day before having been a "happy" day. The kids feel it. And they pick up on it and can go with the flow of it and when things do arise they tend to be much more manageable. The opposite is also true, a day full of negativity and yelling, fighting...makes the following days work that much more difficult.

Hope this helps a little! And we all swim in these uncharted waters at some point (if not all through life).

I would like to add that before you know it this stage will pass...but I'm not there yet either 😉
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Nov 04 2015, 8:05 pm
Hugs to you! Good for you for reaching out, ur such a hero!
Perl abramowitz gives amazing parenting classes and she has a class coming up now in a few weeks!
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