Is this bullying? Should the teacher intervene?

amother

Coral

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 8:46 am

oliveoil wrote:

lol. no. that's definitely not bullying unless there's a whole lot more to the story we're not getting.

Not really. The boy is hypersensitive which the teacher didn't know. How do you think this should be handled?

seeker

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 12:12 pm

What do you mean by "older?" If you're talking about teenagers or beyond, the insultee definitely needs help. It is not normal at that stage of life to feel insulted about being called short when you are actually tall. Presumably, in the absence of any more back story that you're not telling us, this is a friendly tease and the recipient should learn to take these things in stride.

If they're little then there's more room for the teacher to just try to build their social/emotional skills on the scene. "He called you short? Well, are you short? No? So don't worry about it."

amother

Coral

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 12:23 pm

seeker wrote:

The boys are upper elementary school and you are correct about the insulte. DH and the insulte's mom thinks the insultor is a bully and the teacher, who also thought it was friendly teasing, should have thrown the insulator out of the room for five minutes to appease the insulte. They are saying there should be a zero tolerance for bullying.

seeker

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 12:34 pm

It is true that there should be zero tolerance for bullying, but bullying and unkindness are not synonymous (and we still aren't even sure that this comment was even unkind.) Bullying by definition includes some form of control or pressure. It is usually in the context of a relationship pattern, not a one-time thing, but that gets a bit tricky when you adopt zero tolerance because the point of that is to stop it before any pattern has a chance to develop.

amother

Coral

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 12:42 pm

seeker wrote:

How should the teacher have handled this?

fmt4

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 2:10 pm

I'm confused. Are you not the insultee's mom? I don't think it's appropriate for a teacher to punish a 10-11-12 year old boy for calling a boy who is taller than him short. It doesn't even sound like a benign insult. It sounds like a silly friendly joke. If the boy is insulted he needs some social help. It's not fair to the other boy that he should be punished because his friend is ultra ultra ultra sensitive.

amother

Coral

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 2:20 pm

fmt4 wrote:

I am the teacher who was told this is bullying and that there should be a zero tolerance. This is a thread to see if I was wrong and how I can handle this better going forward.

SRS

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 2:22 pm

There is real bullying in our schools and it is a real problem. For everything else, we should ask kids to develop a bit of a thick skin and to be quick with a comeback or just train themselves emotionally that not everything needs a reaction.

fmt4

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 2:22 pm

amother wrote:

I am the teacher who was told this is bullying and that there should be a zero tolerance. This is a thread to see if I was wrong and how I can handle this better going forward.

Oh. I got confused cuz you said DH. No you were not wrong. Boys of this age should be able to deal with such a minor problem on their own.

SRS

Fri, Nov 06 2015, 2:33 pm

fmt4 wrote:

Oh. I got confused cuz you said DH. No you were not wrong. Boys of this age should be able to deal with such a minor problem on their own.

To deal with boys talking smack, you would have to muzzle all boys from the time they talk until the time they die. Ridiculous.

seeker

Sat, Nov 07 2015, 7:50 pm

How the teacher should handle it really depends on the context of her relationship with the class and understanding of their dynamics. If you are quite sure there's no actual bullying going on, then I would definitely stand firm in explaining this to the parents/principal or whoever it was that wanted the bully punished. Say you will keep an eye on the situation to intervene if needed but for now as far as you are concerned, punishment is not warranted. I would also gently but strongly advise the insultee's parents that he would probably benefit from some kind of counseling to help him hold his own in these social situations in the future. If you have time and your position allows you might try some coaching yourself to keep things cool in your classroom, but really he could probably use more help than you'll be able to provide.