Please help with my 2.5 year old!

amother

Wine

Sun, Nov 08 2015, 4:59 pm

Hi. Looking for advice. I have a 2.5 year old daughter. She is kh very smart and adorable. However, she our oldest child and a little spoiled. She has a lot of attention geared towards her although we work on it to let her be a bit more independent. I am officially at my wits end. She has tantrums from today until tomorrow and they are only getting worse. The littlest thing can set her off which is usually when she can't get a toy to work how she wants it (get a dress on a doll, or build a tower without it falling down". This concerns me because I don't have a lot of experience with kids or a good motherly figure to ask advice from. Once the tantrum starts I can't divert her attention or distract her. Its close to impossible. In addition, it concerns me because I want her to learn patience and not everything has to go perfect or be perfect. I am also nervous because I don't think a perfectionist trait is healthy especially in a 2.5 year old. If a block isn't aligned good and she cant do it good it will spark a tantrum. I am very worried and its causing a lot of negative energy in my home. I just want her to be happy...Is this normal? Did any of you have kids like this? How is the proper way to address frustrations and tantrum once they start? you think I need outside intervention if so, do you recommend someone or a good book? I can use advice or at least a listening ear. Thanks in advance!

Laiya

Sun, Nov 08 2015, 5:12 pm

I would just empathize, and give her the vocabulary to label her emotions: "I know, it's so frustrating when you make a tower and then it falls down!"

Offer to hug her or to sit on your lap, or respect her pushing you away if she doesn't want it at the moment. I'd stay physically present in case she changes her mind and wants you.

Later, when she's completely calm, you can talk about it, how it was upsetting, etc. I'm afraid that if you try to distract her, she can feel that you're invalidating her feelings. You want her to learn to accept her own strong feelings and failures: Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed is ok, and building a tower that falls down is ok, too.

amother

Wine

Sun, Nov 08 2015, 5:26 pm

Thanks for your replies. Took her to the Dr nothing is wrong. She goes to playgroups and the Morahs say that she is doing great there bh. She doesn't interact with anyone other then family and at playgroup. She cries about going there but they say she stops right away

Laiya

Sun, Nov 08 2015, 5:43 pm

amother wrote:

is this normal though for all you experienced mothers?

For sure, some kids have a lower frustration tolerance than others. I think that if you show her that it's ok for her to get upset, you're giving her an amazing gift.

Btw you can also try to model accepting negative emotions yourself. When something frustrates you, or doesn't work out, or spills, etc., verbalize your feelings to her.

Much nachas!

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Nov 08 2015, 6:08 pm

The pediatrician is also an expert on children in general, has seen her and you interact, and can advise you on behavioral things, not just wellness. If you feel this ped has that kind of sachel. They often do.

But you may have to directly ask for guidance.

You have other kids, so you know it isn't always like this.

Ask. You don't have to take the answer, but you will have a perspective.

Drop in unannounced at the daycare and look in before they know you are there.