Touro or Stern instead of sem

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Red

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:20 pm

We've decided our dd17 is too immature to go to sem in EY, and is in the process of becoming much more modern than we expected at her OOT high school. Since she is strong academically and wants to be an OT or speech therapist, we are directing her to Stern or Touro. Worried she may go totally OTD at Stern, as she is easily influenced and gravitates toward weaker girls. She does need a dorm. We live too far OOT for it to be viable for her to live at home. She would have virtually no frum peers. Suggestions?

Scrabble123

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:30 pm

I'd vote for Stern. You may PM me to discuss.

SRS

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:31 pm

I've met plenty of OTD people from all walks of life including people who have gone to both black hat yeshivas and Stern/YU. So what is driving her off? I'd figure that out before plunking down $$s for Stern.

amother

Black

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:32 pm

I can't say I really know the answer. There is no easy answer. But you should know that with Touro she will be in a position where she rents an apartment either by herself or whichever single girls she meets up with. That seems to have even less oversight than a Stern dorm situation.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:44 pm

amother wrote:

Not to mention that I who went to Stern shared an Apt with a girl from Touro for a half a year. She went to a frummer school than me, but was having premarital relations with her boyfriend in the room next door........ Touro definitely can cater to very frum ppl and I have even heard of chassidishe ppl going there, but they travel there and back home each day. it's totally different once you change housing dynamic. at stern I had one roomate who I don't believe was frum, but was very respectful and another 2 who were very very frum one went to gateshead seminary and the other to bais chaim moshe in montreal they both wore tights ate cholov yisroel, etc. I found everyone in stern to be so respectful of others and their level of religiousness.

mha3484

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:49 pm

I am not sure what you mean by more modern so this might be off target completely. But maybe she would she be interested in a regular college that has a large concentration of religious students such as Maryland, Columbia, Penn? The students have shiurim, make shabbos meals for each other etc.

These are all campuses that have a Rabbi and an MO presence. https://jliconline.org/

DrMom

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 12:57 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I'd venture if the OP thinks going to Stern (*gasp*) might tempt her dd to go OTD, I doubt she's be too keen to send her to a secular university.

allthingsblue

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

Since when does touro (landers college for women, in manhattan) not have a dorm? As recently as 3 years ago when I was looking into attending, they had a dorm.

imasinger

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 1:11 pm

There are also degree oriented sem programs right in the US. I think there is one in OH, and some others throughout the country as well.

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:02 pm

Thank you all for responding. Yes, I could not send her to a coed college (certainly not at this point). We are mainstream Chabad, but my dd does not identify as such. She's for sure not "anti", just wants to be "normal" as she says. She told me she has struggled with tnzius since 9th grade. She is very popular (class prez last year, head of chesed.)..it's very important to her to fit in and this school is more open than her previous Bais Yaakov. She says she is not going off. She gave up pas yisroel/cholev yisroel rather quickly this year since leaving home. Now, she doesn't want to wear stockings or high socks, even though she is having conflict with her boarding mother over this. She is highly emotional about this. Now she wants an android phone (found out she already has one, albeit a cheapie). The Rav of community allowed me to get it "kashered" even though he doesn't usually say it's ok, but considering where she is holding and her proclivity for rebellion....

She does get straight As and is very driven academically, and she is well-liked. I just feel like I really don't know her. I'm leaning toward Stern actually from what I've read. I've hear Stern has a Chabad Club even. I'm trying to "hear" her regarding where she is holding, although this is all very disconcerting to me.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:05 pm

What about the Blitstein school in Chicago?

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:08 pm

I've thought a lot about Blittstein. We have family there in Chicago I want to keep her away from. Also, I think it may be a bit too frum for her at this point.

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:14 pm

amother wrote:

I've thought a lot about Blittstein. We have family there in Chicago I want to keep her away from. Also, I think it may be a bit too frum for her at this point.

I got it.
And I guess the proximity to Crown Heights can be a good thing. (Don't know why I went anon before.) Hatzlacha!

Smile1234

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:29 pm

May I suggest that maybe sending her for a year of inspiration to EY might actually do her a world of good?

sped

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:46 pm

Smile1234 wrote:

May I suggest that maybe sending her for a year of inspiration to EY might actually do her a world of good?

Or she may r"l spend her year hanging out in Ben Yehudah with the other "problem" kids who were sent here for inspiration.

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:48 pm

If she was a stronger girl, yes. However her school is suggesting Darchei Bina or Tomer Devorah and I can't see the point. I'm afraid she might end up hanging out on Ben Yehuda with boys, cv"s.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Nov 09 2015, 3:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 2:50 pm

A girl who really wants to go OTD will do it anywhere, just as a girl who wants to be frum will be frum anywhere.

Peer groups matter, but not as much as the person herself. What does she mean when she says she wants to be "normal"?

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 3:11 pm

Normal to her means bare legs, having a smart phone, listening to some non jewish music, going to the mall with her girlfriends for entertainment........very modern, but still keeping kosher, davening, shabbos. This is very disappointing and sad for me. Nothing against MO, but it isn't how she was raised.

She is also an artist (a good one).

Iymnok

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 3:22 pm

There is a wide range of seminary types. Timer Devora girls dress like she sounds comfortable with. The hanhala are all very frum, but understand girls from more modern backgrounds- I believe that's who the bulk of their students are.
There are other schools in which the staff is yeshivish but caters to girls who aren't. Many are used to, or even geared to rebellious girls.
It's ab good place for a girl to find herself and get a solid foundation for her Yiddishkeit. Even if it's different than yours.

pesek zman

Mon, Nov 09 2015, 3:33 pm

OP: It's obvious that you are in a lot of pain and that this is hard for you. I"m sorry for that.

That said, I think you are grasping at straws.

Stern is an excellent school (full disclosure, I went there) She can get a great secular education (you said she's a talented artist: they have a joint program with FIT) and keep up on her limudei kodesh as well. She can meet frum women from all over the world and from all walks of life. Dorming, and living in Manhattan is fun and amazing. That said: make no mistake. Stern is NOT seminary. (I went straight from BY type high school. Seminary wasn't my thing and Stern was a good fit for me) The biggest different I experienced between my (right wing) HS and Stern was that you don't sit all day learning hashkafah, and what your tafkid in life is, and about emunah. The hashkafah piece is missing (or not as prominent. Or, it's there but as it wasn't purely my hashkafah I didn't recognize it) She will LEARN there though. Jewish history and philosophy, Hebrew language, Halacha (from the source!) Chumash, Navi etc. But Stern treats the students as the adults they are. There is no curfew. The dress code is enforced (loosely, when I was there) in the school building only (and by dress code please know that her current way of dressing, though lax by your standards. Not wearing stockings/tights is not even a 'thing' there) She can go out with whoever she wants, till whatever time of night. She will be expected to act like an adult. That said, perhaps, she will make different choices. Perhaps she will truly find her way there. And find her way is NOT code for go OTD. It's simply that she'll find a way that's not rebelling against you and the way she was raised, but rather one that feels more HER.

If you're looking for a seminary, if you're looking for rules and regulations, look elsewhere.

But you haven't told us what SHE wants to do. Where does SHE see herself next year?

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