How to Quantify Contentious Behaviors Between Kids

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 3:44 pm

I am setting up behavior modification charts for my kids, as I have in the past. Showers, laundry, brushing teeth, hw, etc. All of these are easily quantifiable and go on the chart no problem, no ambiguity. But a major problem is fighting. The kids bother each other, these turn into 'fights', kids get angry, etc. How do I make a 'chart item' for the type of behavior which is hard to define and delineate what they consist of exactly. All I know is that it is getting worse and really drives me crazy to the point where I sometimes just say 'you know that if you do that you will get hurt/upset/bothered back' and with that pronouncement, I run and hide in my bathroom. Please help me. What

cbg

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 3:51 pm

1. Keep hands feet and objects to yourself
2. Speak nicely to each other

imasinger

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 3:59 pm

What if you turn it around and reward any child who makes a positive, supportive comment to a sibling?

Or institute a short taanis dibur and offer reward for anyone that says only appropriate, sensitive things for the 30 minutes that are when fights most traditionally break out?

Coke Slurpee

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:32 pm

I agree with imasinger.

You can use a marble jar. Any time a child says something nice, or each child as they behave properly (follow whatever rules you set up, no fighting, yelling, etc.) within the timeframe you decide, you put a marble in a jar. When you fill the jar the whole family gets a prize or does something special collectively.

Laiya

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 10:01 pm

Another vote for the marble jar. The kids all know that it's in my absolute discretion to decide how many beans to put into the jar for any particular occasion (or take out, as the case may be).

Ex. They all cooperated so nicely in sharing the new toy, no fights the whole night--I'm putting in 10 beans! Or I can tell them, If they all clean up the room without arguing, 15 beans!

I like that they all get the prize when the jar is filled, so they all have the same incentive to get along and earn beans.

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