What Does "Warm"MeanTo You

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Nov 12 2015, 10:58 am

I see so many posts that specify warm as in warm community, warm school, warm prospective spouse.

I understand the use in describing professionals like a doctor who may or may not have a good bedside manner and this might matter sometimes or not. I don't care if a surgeon has a good bedside/manner so much but would consider important for a pediatrician or Ob/Gyn.

And are there people who don't want an emotionally warm spouse? Would anyone advertise a person as being emotionally distant?

Are there communities, shuls that are completely non warm as a distinguishing characteristic. Do non warm places pride themselves on being non-warm? For example, a school feels that being harsh builds character? Even institutions like the military aren't monolithically non warm as there would be comaraderie and warmth as appropriate and part if the esprit de corps.

So what do you mean when you use warm as as a distinguishing characteristic?

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Nov 12 2015, 11:13 am

amother wrote:

I know a shul where no one really says good shabbos. They come to daven, the men to learn and that's it. No socialization "from the shul"-- especially on the women's side. So if you go there, you can't expect to make friends from shul. Anyone you are friends with there is because they are your neighbor, kids in same class and/or in similar social circles outside of shul. Even those of us who went weekly... I liked davening there- zero talking, it was a serious place you come to daven at and not a "fashion show". But I didn't want to raise a family there.

Compare that to where I am now at- people say good shabbos, invite each other for meals (even informally- at kiddush invite another person or two for lunch), and schmooze after shul. First time we were there people came up to us, asked if we were new in town, and were just friendly.

So to me, warm means "outgoingly friendly". The culture is to reach out to others.
In a school it might mean no/fewer cliques, teachers who look out for every student... But to me most schools seem to be the same. Even if they are "stuck up cliques" they try to be different and at least have "kindness week" and "simcha day" or whatever.

amother

Pink

Thu, Nov 12 2015, 11:28 am

I think babyblue explained it well.

we recently moved OOT and it definitely has a different "warmer" feel to it.

Its not for everyone though. someone mentioned someone who moved to a larger community because they wanted more anonymity; some people just want to do their own thing, they aren't interested in the rabbi calling up to see how they are settling in....

the opposite of warm doesn't have to be "harsh" it can be politely distant, bussiness like as opposed to friendly...