Only Frum Jew in office

Busy as a bee

Thu, Nov 12 2015, 3:33 pm

So my whole working career I have always worked in Jewish offices. I am currently considering a job in a not jewish office that will be paying probably double I am currently making plus benefits. The hours are a little longer and its another 20 mins from my house but the thing Im most worried about is the fact that I will probably be the only frum jew there. Yes they have other jewish employees but I dont think any frum ones...
I would love any advice or tips etc...
thanks!

Busy as a bee

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:03 pm

so I dont think non jews have diseases or anything Im not clueless.
I went to non jewish colleges (gasp!)
and work with a few non jews currently.

I guess my concerns as follows:
1. the no touching rule
2. shabbos (esp in the winter)
3. this company has alot of "employee get togethers"
4. maybe more stuff but cant think of it right now.

I am naturally an outgoing, friendly person...
It makes it hard sometimes to keep boundaries

DrMom

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:08 pm

Busy as a bee wrote:

I guess my concerns as follows:
1. the no touching rule - people will catch on eventually that you won't shake hands.
2. shabbos (esp in the winter) - be upfront and give plenty of advance notice. Offer to make up hours by staying late another day of the week or by coming in on Sunday.
3. this company has alot of "employee get togethers" - so what? I am assuming it's nothing risque... See if you can get kosher food for these events.
4. maybe more stuff but cant think of it right now.

I am naturally an outgoing, friendly person...
It makes it hard sometimes to keep boundaries

observer

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:09 pm

Busy as a bee wrote:

1. Make it very clear from the beginning that you don't touch. Most people respect that, in my experience.
2. Clarify shabbos with your employer.
3. Employee get together so that are on shabbos or in their restaurants, don't attend. If they are at your place of work, be friendly and hang around the women.

Make sure to be strong in your boundaries. If you feel you can't be, you may want to pass on the job.

Hatzlacha!

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:12 pm

I am very up front at job interviews and state all my needs.
I would mention that Fridays I would have to leave early or not come in at all
That as an Orthodox Jewish woman, I dont mean to offend anybody, but I will not be able to shake a gentleman's hand etc.
I would accept the job if they can accept these types of things.

Amarante

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:22 pm

To me, the only thing possibly problematic is leaving early on Friday especially in the winter. Depends on the job but you would have to be upfront about it.

But it really depends on the job and what your duties are. If you are an exempt employee, it's less of an issue in my experience because you are expected to do whatever it takes to do the job and so there is less concern about whether you are physically in the office for exact hours every day. For various reasons, I have had situations in which I literally came in at the crack of dawn and left at 2 P.M. Of course, I had to be in the office physically a lot of times to be able to interact with other employees etc. and deal with outside people as necessary but flexibility is a two way street - since I was expected to finish the job however late it took or if I had to work on Sunday, there was also not an issue if I wasn't physically present.

If you are support staff, it can be harder unless it is the type of situation in which you are part of a team who can help. What I mean is that if you are an assistant to someone, it makes their life potentially difficult if you are not there in a crisis on Friday.

I think the other stuff is more social and certainly shouldn't be an issue and if it is an issue, it would not be the kind of work environment I would want to be in anyway. I live in California which is the land of people with crazy diets so most people are used to co-workers not eating the food in front of them for whatever reason LOL.

underthestars

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:35 pm

busy as a bee, it will take time to adjust but it can be done successfully. I have been working in a public environment for years, and there is not another frum person around. Upfront, I state I don't shake hands with men, they know I leave early on fridays for shabbos (I make up my time during the week and have arranged ahead of schedule to do that), and when there are office parties, while they would like to provide me with kosher food, I know it isn't realistic. I will bring something to be "a part of things" but won't eat anything they have (I may sit and schmooze with some other women for a few minutes or have a drink of water etc)..when they are having something at a nearby restaurant, they know I won't join in, because I can't. I don't mind, I am happy to not associate that closely with them. Being frum doesn't ruin the relationship I have with my co-workers, I think it actually helps, because during their holidays I don't mind staying on and being here to help when they want to take off, etc. We have mutual respect for each other, and it works. The most important thing though, is to make sure BEFORE you start, that arrangements can be made for fridays in the winter--

Good luck!!

sky

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:39 pm

1. Not shaking hands does get sticky. And I have offended people over the years on matter how careful I am. And some people just don't remember. But I just have my set line and I use it over and over again. Unfortunately, I don't think it gets easier.
2. I would not mention shabbos until you get the job. I know too many people burnt this way. When negotiating the final contract you can try to build in shabbos time off (my current job I work 37 hours a week year around due to shabbos) or ask if you can do comp time or work from home.
3. Right now I work from home mainly so parties don't affect me as much. I do attend celebratory parties in restaurants (non-kosher) but not just standard social building and team building parties. Because I work from home it is easier for me to get out of most of them. In non-kosher restaurants I call before and ask if I can bring my own food, I always find it puts everyone else at ease when I'm at least eating and not just drinking a glass of coke. If I have to 'treat' someone to lunch I'll try to get someone else to do it, or I'll have them order in, it makes it easier.
4. I find my lifestyle is so different\weird to them that we don't discuss too much about me. I listen to their stories about their kids, vacations, home repairs. Will sometimes share a bit, but I realize that if I share a lot, I'm just plain weird (no TV, lots of cooking, lots of kids, private school, lots of guests, lots of holidays, I remember once mentioning that I have to buy pillows and blankets for guests I was having, and no one could understand why and being so confused about why I needed so many pillows). I find it prevents a lot of over sharing.

I know my co-workers respect me for who I am. Recently a new boss asked if I could come in on Saturday to work with a consultant. 3 people said I could not before I could even think of a response.

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:07 pm

You will see that not everyone has the same approach, but it certainly is possible to manage.

Personally, I do not attend functions at non-kosher restaurants unless they are required educational events. I do go to the at-work pot luck mixers for the holidays, for example, and bring something for all (but especially me) to eat. Due to family obligations I rarely even consider getting together with coworkers outside of work hours.

As for Fridays, it depends on your work. Usually hours and responsibilities are discussed prior to finalizing a hiring decision. I know some people don't mention leaving early until they start a job, but I don't see how. Expect to work longer on other days and truly get all your work done with no excuses. I have found it helpful to leave the office at a consistent time on Fridays, even if I could stay later in the summer. Less confusion for everyone, your schedule will be predictable, and it will keep coworkers focused on your work rather than your religion.

At some places I have worked, people genuinely enjoy sharing and comparing cultural practices. Other places, not so much. It depends on the people. You can be as open or secretive as you like. Never mention the high cost of Jewish living (tuition, etc).

I hope this helps!

Amarante

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:16 pm

As someone who has hired people, I would be very upset if someone accepted a job and then told me that they would not be able to work certain hours or had other issues which impacted ability to perform critical job functions.

To me leaving early is not the same as eating kosher because there might be very valid reasons which require an employee to be physically present.

And it really is not the best way to start a good relationship by blindsiding your employer.

For many jobs, it wouldn't be an issue. If it is a problem, what is gained by lying about it until,after you are hired?

Miri7

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:50 pm

I think you've gotten a lot of good responses. I am a professional and, during winter, have one day a week that I work late so by Friday I have gotten my time in. I find the late night to be really productive time.

Regarding food - when there is a whole- office event in a no kosher restaurant, I do attend and have a soda water or something like that. People get used to your not eating - like someone said, people are very aware of weird dietary things.

Overall, I think being frum makes me seem like a really solid employee overall - it demonstrates discipline and commitment. Which I think employers value.