Is anybody in this category with regard to tuition?

amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 6:57 am

I'm the OP from the other tuition thread and I took a lot of bashing for my stance about paying full tuition. I'd like to hear about families that are in comparable situations. Is there anybody who fits all of the following criteria:

1. Earns an income that could afford full tuition albeit making things tight.
2. Pays full tuition for multiple children.
3. Over 35 years old.
4. Not one penny in savings.

I'd like to know if there are families that are paying full tuition under these circumstances. I'm not including some out of town schools where the community is trying to recruit people and offer incredibly low tuition.

amother

Slategray

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 7:43 am

I think we fall in that category...my husband is self-employed, but the bussiness comes with a lot of expenses .So the income we actually come home with, isn't that high. But currently we are paying full tuition for 3 kids, but our kids are little and we are I the early stages of tuition. So yes we are definetly affording tuition, but things are somewhat rights. But somewhat tight is also different things to different people. And In our case tight might right now be due to bussiness expenses and not so much money coming in and not tuition alone . I am 33, my husband is 39. What will be when out tuition is much more? I have no idea .

Maya

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 8:56 am

amother wrote:

I didn't think I'd get to many responses yet many people were judging me on the other tuition thread are obviously not living in my shoes. Of course if their circumstances were the same as mine they would handle it better. right.

I think posters on the other thread were taking issue with you calculating on your own what would be considered the cost of educating your child, and then becoming indignant that you were paying full tuition even if it was a couple of thousand dollars less than the "sticker price."

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 8:56 am

not all schools and communities are the same in terms of attitude.

my husband and I both contribute to our 401k plans because if we pulled the money from that and gave it to the schools we would lose the employer match which is kind of foolish if you are thinking long term.

We disclosed our 401k contributions to the school and they gave us a discount and didn't ask us to stop putting in 401k.

putting away savings especially if you are over 35 is a priority just like tuition. should you be working till your 80?

amother

Brunette

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 9:02 am

amother wrote:

If the schools can afford to educate YOUR child and allow you to save money then so be it. Your school told to they can't.

I worked for a school last year and was not paid for the entire year. I would not like knowing I wasn't paid because the school was allowing parents to save money on my back. I have a friend who hasn't been paid for work she did 8 years ago.

chaiz

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 9:04 am

amother wrote:

Maybe you did not get more responses because you gave less than two hours of time to respond. And that time was at the beginning of a workday on the east coast.

amother

Gold

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:48 am

You're not less wrong because you started a second thread trying to justify your argument that paying your current obligations comes secondary to saving for the future.

I still can't get over you happily adding your full tuition to your credit card once you decided you would default and therefore know you'll never have to pay that off. IMO that is inherently dishonest.

Your behavior to the menahel as you described it was pretty disgusting, you accuse them of overcharging, and harass them to reduce your tuition despite having been on reduced tuition previously presumably paid for by someone who pays full tuition, according to you.

Take, not give.

amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:57 am

amother wrote:

I happily paid it and the yeshiva happily accepted it. Also I highly doubt the menahel sets the tuition fee. Also, I didn't accuse them of overcharging. I simply felt that we shouldn't give every last penny so that I have nothing saved for the future. I don't think this a a controversial stance. In spite of the responses on this site I believe most people would do the same if faced with similar circumstances. Lastly, my dh didn't harass anyone. He had a conversation with the director who told us that next year we will have to pay full tuition. Why do you say we harassed anybody?

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 1:30 pm

We were in your situation. We were paying full tuition, we were putting nothing into savings, although we did have two or three thousand in savings from before our kids started costing so much Wink

We spent practically nothing on ourselves, we hardly bought new clothing, if we really needed it then we spent very little. I had cleaning help for 2 hours once a week, we practically never went out to eat, the two or three times a year that we did it was pizza because fleishigs is more expensive. We both drove old cars and just spent as little as possible. Unfortunately dh's business went down a few years ago, and so we no longer pay full tuition, which is one of the things that hurts me the most about being so poor.

amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 1:41 pm

amother wrote:

We were in your situation. We were paying full tuition, we were putting nothing into savings, although we did have two or three thousand in savings from before our kids started costing so much Wink

You and your husband are certainly special people for sacrificing so much in order to continue to pay full tuition. I'm sure you are in a very small minority who would prioritize that way. You deserve a lot of credit but plz realize that the overwhelming majority of people wouldn't pay full tuition if it meant sacrificing the things you mentioned.

amother

Gold

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:07 pm

What do you want to hear?

Sure, go ahead, have your child educated for free while you save up for your cushy retirement. Who is your priority here, your child? The next generation of Torah observant jews? Or your nice retirement villa with a wet room?

Sure, put all your purchases on a credit card and then declare bankruptcy. Get theb ank to pay for your lifestyle choices, that is what the laws are there for.

Sure, work out with your brilliant brain and inside knowledge of the financial accounts of the school your ex bank paid for. Then complain that there is a discrepancy. Maybe it is your math that is wrong (hint, bankruptcy anyone) and not the school.

Whatever, this is imamother, the source of all self justification of low and dishonest behavior in the name of Judaism. It sicken me, all of it.

m in Israel

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:12 pm

Most of the posts on that thread where not addressing how much you should pay. They were addressing whether what you were doing was called paying "full tuition"!! IOW, it may be very legitimate to get a tuition discount because you need to put money in savings -- but you were claiming that as long as you covered what you believed to be the cost of educating your children, you were not getting a discount.

There are two issues here -- what is the definition of full tuition, and how much must one sacrifice to pay full tuition.

What the majority of posters were saying is that the definition of full tuition is paying whatever price the school has set -- just like paying full price on anything means paying what the seller is asking regardless of actual costs involved.

If your situation is such that you feel you have legitimate reasons not to pay that full price, go ahead and try to get a scholarship. But that is not paying full tuition.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:42 pm

amother wrote:

I really wasn't fishing for compliments, I was answering your question. And I'm sure there are many more people like us.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:45 pm

amother wrote:

New amother here.

So what I understand from your post is you are saying that, if you were in a situation where you had no savings, no 401k, no college or other accounts set aside for your kids' future, weddings or bar mitzvahs, no money from grandparents that was set aside for your kids, no way of paying bills if you or dh suddenly lost their source of income tomorrow ch"vsh, which would possibly precipitate a foreclosure on your home, apply for food stamps and other benefits when you've never done that in your life, and no family to ask for help or rely on, or family who has ever assisted you financially, you would nevertheless STILL continue to pay ALL of your income to your kids' schools?

Just to be clear.

tryinghard

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 3:55 pm

amother wrote:

saving for retirement doesn't usually mean this. It means not ending up as the many elderly individuals subsisting on Social Security alone to pay for everything, or alternatively depending on/being a burden on their children (not that I am chas v'shalom saying that children should not help their elderly parents, just that so many people are struggling to pay for their own expenses and their childrens', that it is not unreasonable for parents to not want to place that additional burden on their kids).

amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 4:18 pm

amother wrote:

I realize there's still a few weeks left in the year but this post is easily the early favorite for the most ignorant post of the year award. You are certainly entitled to disagree with me but to say that I'm trying to have my child educated for free while I save for my cushy retirement is beyond outrageous. I said over and over that I'm paying 9k which is close to 80%. I also mentioned that "my cushy retirement" Stands at zero.

And here's some sincere advice for you. When you are having a disagreement with your husband, be careful not to exaggerate your side and take things completely out of context as you did in your above post. People should be able to disagree and have a fair discussion about the facts. To simply make up stuff because it fits the argument your trying to make is not fair. I would imagine the people close to you in real life don't appreciate this side of you.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 5:30 pm

amother wrote:

That's us. We also sold all our silver and most of my jewelry to pay the schools.