Is anybody in this category with regard to tuition?

amother

Wine

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:13 pm

amother wrote:

I am sorry. I couldn't follow most of your posts in this thread. Perhaps you similarly did not present your case well?

Thank you for the insult.

My case was presented clearly and concisely, don't worry about that. There were no misunderstandings.

I am a foreigner, that is true. It may be easier to understand me when I take time to write short sentences rather than free flowing long ones. It's ok, I'm still sure my posts were not terribly unclear.

The post you quoted above meant that perhaps it was not the miserable savings of the reduced-tuition parents that usurped your pay. Rather, extravagant spending of other parents who were given a similar break did. Or their mortgages, or I don't know what other "legitimate" expenses.

And I am sorry that you were not paid.
I hope you will still be able to receive the payment owed to you, and if not may hashem repay you more than you were owed.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:43 pm

amother wrote:

I just wanted to add my vent and present the different angles.

I live in Brooklyn and I see many kids in the street dressed in designer clothes from head to toe
The Pesach hotels are all sold out, and I saw advertisements for a new trend-Shabbos Chanukah.
Bugaboos and $200 carriage buntings are the norm.
On these people the school has to be tough and get them to give their share. If they are not filthy rich , then they can choose to pay tuition or use the money to buy more and more? Furthermore, by raising the standard they are ensuring that others are also spending money instead of paying tuition. The school figures that they'd rather the Rebbes should be paid on time (and the administrators could buy some more fancy houses with their cut, so they are aggressive with the tuition collection. Anyone who lives without wasting their money on all these expensive unnecessary materialistic things, should have a break so that they can at least have some money to spend on stuff that they need and build themselves up a normal life.

If the op is comfortable but feels that tuition is preventing her from having more spending/saving money then she could home-school her children. If she is happy to have them out and cared for then she should pay happily.
I think it's more important for a child to get a good education than all the materialistic things money can buy such as a nicer home or clothing.

For those of you that had to sell your silver and go into debt, my heart cries for you. You are very strong people. This is a very broken system which has to be fixed. by putting some of that money that goes to waste every year on vacations, sheitels ect by the wealthy, into the yeshiva system.

The wealthy can afford their sheitals and vacations and still give generously to the schools. It is the poor and middle class who are breaking the system with their $200 buntings and Shabbos Chanukahs. The poor asking for and getting tzedukah to keep up is sad. What happened to having some sense?

We all know people who don't pay tuition who have new clothes every Shabbos. The administrators have to be tough on them to keep the lights on nevermind pay on time.

Sarale Licht1

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:57 pm

Aaaah, the tuition issue. It used to make me so mad when my friends would hint that they were paying about a third of what I was paying, for the same schools. But- we were legitimately earning more money. So we just ended up in the same boat as those who were earning less. My question is, who should pay? And I never could come up with any fair answer to that question. So now I just try not to think about it. Of course, with all the years of paying close to full tuition for six kids, we have nothing left to offer to tempt any learning boys to date our daughter. And the last guy asked for $18,000 a year! I feel sad that the result of all that yeshiva tuition paying will be a spinster daughter.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 9:11 am

fleetwood wrote:

I think it's nuts, that those who can't afford their high mortgages get discounts, while those who are fiscally responsible and rent because they can't afford to buy are told too bad. I have seen this happen to many people.

What if they bought before they had kids in schools, and they had no problem affording the mortgage back then?

I think owning your own house is a fiscally responsible thing to do. My parents are in their 60's and 70's, and they don't own. Every month they panic over paying the rent.

It's not a good place to be.

ETA. And if they can't make the payment, dh and I will be the ones helping them out. And you can be sure that would come before my kids' tuition.

amother

Brown

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 9:30 am

I do think it is responsible for people to have retirement savings and general savings at least 3 months worth.

However there are different reasons people don't save.

Some people buy a large home with a mortgage that maxes them out, go to Florida, skiing, rent a bungalow, would never shop for clothing in Walmart or Childrens place, Wear only 3K sheitels, and complain they have no savings.

On the other hand you have those who live very frugally and manage the savings and tuition all on the same salary.

I think the original question without knowing more details is really unfair.

[As a real life example my DH has a friend who makes at least 3 times our salaries, and I think we make decent salaries. He lives huge. Home is 4 times ours, kids dress in designer clothing only with the in labels, go to the country, go on nice vacations, new cars regularly. We happen to have savings because we are frugal, he has none. You can't really compare the 2 situations or ask who should get the tuition break]

I think it is important to own your own home. However, I think when people buy homes they should be fiscally responsible and not take out mortgages that will be a burden later on. People can, and have made do with much smaller homes and manageable mortgages. When a person buys a home I think they do have to take into account that tuitions are coming up. Where I live the current buying trend is 5 bedroom homes minimum, with 4 bathrooms, playroom, study, designer kitchens, many have pesach kitchens, etc. It is nice, but not necessary.

amother

Wine

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:00 am

Then there are those who go through times of not affording the basics, let alone putting away money for three months, or saving for a mortgage. Then they are doubly punished. Oh, you are not paying mortgage? Sorry no discount. Hello, how can I pay mortgage if I can't save for a down payment, and I have nobody to gift me with a down payment.

In my married years I paid in rent the amount that would by half a house. But when you can't afford to get one you're stuck for years.

Raisin

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

Ha. So anyone who can't afford to buy a house before their kids hit school age is stuck paying full tuition? (while living in a tiny 2 bedroom with 4 kids because they can't afford anything bigger?

I definitely think schools should be encouraging parents to a: save up for a downpayment if they don't own a house yet and b. put aside enough money for a rainy day. and c. save for retirement.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:45 am

We are not yet in the tuition phase yet but will be soon. Late20s-30s. We dont own a house. We rent and could use another bedroom. But can't afford it. I dream of a bigger place one day but know it's futile with tuition around the corner and income not jumping soon. Our cars throughout our lives were gifts-elderly relatives who couldn't drive anymore or "I'm moving away and it doesn't pay to take with me" gifts. (Vs: let's go to the dealer and happy 18th birthday).
Oh and we're pretty frugal. I shop sales, look for deals etc. I never dreamt of owning a bugaboo/uppababy. Nor designer clothes. No vacations (at all). And I am always looking for cheap dinner ideas.
I feel the need to have some savings- we had a medical crises this year which we needed help (family) to cover the huge medical bills for. But I dont want to rely on that. It was 100% not predictable accident that took us out of work for a while.

Yes, family has helped us. But they won't do tuition... BT's Family issue.
We are frugal. But we want savings so family won't starve or miss rent if CV something happens again.
We make ok income but we worry. Jobs have let lots go in the past with little warning...
Would we be deserving of tuition help? Or will our 10K (maybe by now more) in savings disqualify us? This one medical crises alone cost us several thousand plus DH time off work, me being unable to shop for deals running back and forth to hospital but needing something to eat (so only went to one store), helping DH etc. next time CV family may not help... We "should have learned and had savings". And it was nowhere as bad as it could have been BH.
But unless jobs improve dramatically we will likely need a discount. And why should someone with a fancy apartment (or home bought to use up savings pre-tuition) that they can't afford get one vs us when we were frugal all along? We can't afford bigger so we didn't try!

amother

Plum

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:11 pm

Raisin wrote:

Schools aren't going to be encouraging people to save money or buy a house. It's money going out of their pocket into your pocket. I would argue that they should be understanding of a family wants to save money each month, while not paying full tuition so they can save for a house. Don't wait by the phone for the school to call you telling you not to pay them so you can buy a house.

amother

Gold

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 6:32 pm

amother wrote:

I realize there's still a few weeks left in the year but this post is easily the early favorite for the most ignorant post of the year award. You are certainly entitled to disagree with me but to say that I'm trying to have my child educated for free while I save for my cushy retirement is beyond outrageous. I said over and over that I'm paying 9k which is close to 80%. I also mentioned that "my cushy retirement" Stands at zero.

And here's some sincere advice for you. When you are having a disagreement with your husband, be careful not to exaggerate your side and take things completely out of context as you did in your above post. People should be able to disagree and have a fair discussion about the facts. To simply make up stuff because it fits the argument your trying to make is not fair. I would imagine the people close to you in real life don't appreciate this side of you.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

I regret that you didn't recognise sarcasm when you see it. Pehaps I overestimated your intellectual capacity.

I hope you become rapidly wealthy so you no longer have to have difficulties funding any of your dreams, that you live a life of wealth and luxury and your only question is which of your 200 bedrooms you wish to sleep in each night.

amother

Black

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:41 pm

I'm not in that situation because I dont pay full tuition, but I do pay about half my takehome pay to tuition every month. It does not leave much to live on.

It's a difficult situation and I don't know what the answer is. We are earning about the peak we can hope to earn. We are not eligible for any government assistance. The more we earn the more we pay in taxes. I dont' get health insurance through my work so I have to buy on the exchange and pay whatever price is available. We squeeze and scrape, we have no car and forget about ever moving into a decent house.

I don't look at what other people do or how they spend their money. Everyone prioritizes differently. Being middle income with a large family is probably the most difficult situation financially. Everything comes out of your own pocket and it's never enough.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 18 2015, 12:02 am

amother wrote:

You deserve every break you can get. I don't mind subsidizing families like yours. I wish you could get more subsidies so you could have a car and a decent home.