Obligation to guest

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 12:27 pm

We got a request today to house a young man man from a different continent for Pesach. He is a nice young man according to DH. Presumably, he knows no one else here. What is our obligation to this guest?

We hardly get to see DH and we enjoy our family time. I want to travel a bit and spend time with only the family during Pesach. I can't see not offering to take the guest with us. DH says we can leave him. I don't see how.

yksraya

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 12:32 pm

Wow! You already know who's coming for pesach?!?! That's a bit shall I say early!

I would say play it by ear. Assuming guest is an adult, I see nothing wrong if you spend the day with your family without taking the guest along. As a host all you need to provide is a room w/bed and linens, a towel etc. And food unless he has somewhere else he will eat.

abaker

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 2:08 pm

I would say I am happy to host you for pesach, but on __ day(s) we have chol hamoed plans. I can help you to arrange meals for those days with some of our neighbors/friends from shul/whoever

I don't see a problem with that. he will appreciate your hospitality even more since he is from another continent.

sky

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 7:45 pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying: "We are so happy you are coming to us for yom tov, however we plan on being away part of chol hamoed, is it possible for you to make alternate plans for then?" Or if you don't mind him sleeping in your home then ask if he can find meals out.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 7:53 pm

sky wrote:

He doesn't know anyone. How should he find meals? Am I supposed to set him up with meals? I couldn't leave him with anything to be heated. It seems mean to dump him on my neighbors. I would like to be gone the entire chol hamoed.

zaq

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 8:22 pm

You have more than five months in which to find Chol Hamoed meals and/or housing for this young man. You don't "dump him" on your neighbors--you tell your rabbi that a young man from another country is coming for Pesach and will need hospitality on Chol hamoed. I am sure your shul has some sort of hospitality committee, even if it is a "committee" of one energetic chessed lady who knows everyone and will find people willing to feed and possibly house a nice frum single young man. Everyone loves to host nice frum single young men, especially people with nice frum single young female relatives.

I admit to being rather confused, though: if this nice young man is from another country and doesn't know anyone here, wherever your "here" is, then how does your dh know him from shul? And if your dh knows him from shul, then surely at least 9 other men also know him from shul and can be petitioned to show him some hospitality in some form. It doesn't have to be, and shouldn't be, all on you. It's unreasonable to expect you to give up your vacation plans--but you have FIVE MONTHS to make arrangements. Get going.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:42 pm

zaq wrote:

Sorry. DH met him at shul on a different continent. My shul doesn't have any sort of chesed committee, nor does it have a ladies section, and I can't think of any single frum girls ready for shiducim. It is a new community.

I can give him housing; however, I can't give him kitchen facilities while we are gone. Pesach is problematic.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:44 pm

amother wrote:

Why is it your responsibility to host or find someone to host for the whole pesach? Invite him for a meal, or the first days or shabbos if it works out for you.

We are the only ones he knows. I would love to only have him the first and last days.

Runner18

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:51 pm

amother wrote:

He is in his early twenties -single. He is someone DH knows slightly from shul. They met when we were traveling. He is nice.

Personally, for the safety of my children I would not house a guest I know so little about. The fact that this young man is looking to spend Pesach---a holiday that is extremely family oriented-- on another continent with a family he doesn't know and a community where he has no one...is strange to me.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 10:58 pm

Runner18 wrote:

This is interesting. He is traveling extensively in my country. He is interested in international law and import/export and our respective countries are trading partners. I weep being this up with DH.

zaq

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:09 pm

Is there no Chabad in your country that can host him over Chol Hamoed? It doesn't have to be in your city, does it? Taking someone in for an entire Pesach is an awful lot for a person to ask, especially when that person is only a very casual acquaintance. If he is as intelligent as he sounds, he will be able to handle your telling him "We can have you for YT but you will have to make your own arrangements for Chol Hamoed." After all, he is traveling "extensively" in your country, he knew he would be there over Pesach, and he could not rely on your being available to host him at that time. It would not be intelligent or reasonable for him to think you would give him the run of your house while you are away.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:31 pm

zaq wrote:

I don't think he knows we go away. He is also not making arrangements until he secures hospitality.

Chabad is a great idea. I know a chabad in a different city and the sister of the rebetzen is single except they probably only want to marry Chabad.

seeker

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:59 am

What's he doing in your country? Presumably he's going all that way for some reason other than hanging out with you? So that's what he can do on chol hamoed. I think mainly people look for families to spend the full days of yomtov with, chol hamoed not as much.

You could offer suggestions of attractions and things to do, and offer some food for him to take along. If you'll be gone for several days he can stay in a motel for that time, help him find places to buy food. It's nice enough for you to host him when you will be home.