Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding

chocolate moose

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 1:23 pm

amother wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

In Lub., ppl give one gift, if even that.

You cannot make such a generalization - maybe thats what they do in your personal circle of friends in Crown Heights! BTW I am lub and I got shower and wedding gifts. Shower gifts are more practical household items (pots, dishes, towels) and wedding gifts were more luxury type things (silver etc) and $$$

This is what I was told (by a mashpia in the neighborhod) when I got married. I hardly got any gifts and was told, well, most ppl don't give. Has nothing to do with my "circle of friends", because it obviously happens sometimes!

Raisin

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 2:40 pm

sarahd wrote:

Defy, maybe you can ask the organizers if you are on the list of those invited for the whole wedding?

Quote:

At my wedding I was only allowed to invite 10 of my friends for the dinner. The rest of the 200 people at the dinner was family.Everyone else came later for simchas chossan v'kallah. Does that mesn I should of just had a shower for those 10 friends?

Ummm...yes. If you had to have a shower at all. Why is it obligatory to have a shower?

********
On the few occasions when I was invited only to the chuppa, I did not feel obligated to go to the shower. OTOH, if I was invited to the whole wedding but couldn't make it, I participated in the shower.

So the end result of this policy is: people who can afford to make large weddings and invite lots of people end up with lots of gifts that they may not need. The people who can only afford to invite very close friends and family are ironically the ones who could do with all those shower gifts.

We should really give gifts to the people who can't afford to invite us! Smile

DefyGravity

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 3:02 pm

I'm definitely planning on buying the chassan and kallah a gift, however, it's not going to be as pricey as it would usually be. I'll spend the amount of money as I would on a gift for a wedding that I'm unable to attend.

southernbubby

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 4:56 pm

I think that a large percentage of guests do not give gifts. Some of them are newlyweds themselves or they are bochrim who are learning. During the years that a high school class or sem class gets married, each girl might be invited to several dozen chassunahs. Sometimes they only come to the dancing after the meal and have a desert. After their own weddings, they might not be attending as many weddings due to difficulty traveling.
While I don't think that very many people feel the need to give gifts to those that don't invite them, if a non-profit organization is helping them, the giver can give a tax-deductible donation to the cause that is helping the couple.