CPS FAR Program | Imamother

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 11:43 am

My neighbor called CPS on me and they made an initial visit. Stated there is no indication of child abuse or the like and we can participate in the CPS FAR program or investigation. I'm very scared and desperate for help. Everything I read online is geared toward fighting investigations and allegations of child abuse. that isn't the case here but I still need advice.

amother

Orange

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 12:03 pm

hugs() going through an investigation too. if you did nothing wrong. cooperate. fight it afterwards, if you think the case was biased etc. daven that everything should work out. I know those stories are scary.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 12:11 pm

Is this far partnership thing the same as an investigation? Did I mess up by letting the lady in and talking to her?

Mama Bear

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 12:13 pm

OP - please PM me. I may be able to direct you to someone who can help.

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 12:20 pm

FAR is a family support program. If they believe that there is no imminent danger for the children then they have the option to not investigate, rather monitor and offer supportive services

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 7:30 pm

r1 wrote:

FAR is a family support program. If they believe that there is no imminent danger for the children then they have the option to not investigate, rather monitor and offer supportive services

Even the family support program is very intrusive and disturbing. Especially considering that the claims are completely trumped up and ridiculous. Is there any way to refuse the cps involvement and still avoid investigation? I'm also concerned that an innocent intervention can turn into an investigation.

MagentaYenta

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 7:34 pm

amother wrote:

Can you give some examples of why you feel family support is intrusive and disturbing?

sourstix

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 8:21 pm

mind asking why your neighbor reported you? and how do you know it was the neighbor? I hope none of my neighbors dont do this to me.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 9:36 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Can you give some examples of why you feel family support is intrusive and disturbing?

I have 4 kids and a religious orthodox household to run, both things many non-religious orthodox Jews do not understand. My home is run very differently from the typical american 2 child household. On so many fronts. To have a random person come in and make judgements and give her opinions and randomly drop in without notice and take up my time while I need to be doing other things, and talk to my kids and ask them questions and go through my rooms and closets and fridge and repeatedly ask questions geared toward getting me to confess to wrongdoings and inadequacies and problems that dont exist- that is intrusive. That is not family support. Family support is what I get from my Rav yom tom time with gift certificates for kids clothing and money and extra food. Tomchei Shabbos is family support. Bikur Cholim is family support. HS Chessed Girls are family support. Having someone unexpectedly show during 2 of the most difficult hours of the day and demand my attention and time and stress me out and demand attention and time from my kids and stress them out, is NOT family support.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 9:40 pm

sourstix wrote:

mind asking why your neighbor reported you? and how do you know it was the neighbor? I hope none of my neighbors dont do this to me.

I was told by the CPS agent that the complaints were that my children were unsupervised and there was garbage on the floor of my house. She would not get more specific then that.
We had one incident where a child ran out of the house without us noticing and a neighbor returned him 2 minutes later.
We know who it is because we have one frum neighbor who is psychologically unbalanced and upset at me because I have stopped being proactively friendly with her (bec of another incident where she did something horrible to me). She also once before threatened me with calling CPS. I do not have a ton of friends and the accusations made were very specific. We do not doubt who it is.

MagentaYenta

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 9:47 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for your response. I took some time today and checked out just what CPS FAR is. From what I read it's an option to an investigation in a reported case where the worker feels there is no immediate danger to minors. And it is voluntary.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 10:04 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Thank you, MagentaYenta. You are correct. The FAR program is 'voluntary'. We can opt out of the 'partnership' and go straight to an official CPS investigation.

mha3484

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 10:38 pm

I had a year of Dcfs in my life and as awful as it was we got past it and life went on. I don't think DS remembers any of it. I'm happy to talk about it but I'd prefer to be private.

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 11:17 pm

I would be really scared to opt out of it, gives the wrong impression and sets u up for a lot more trouble from what I understand

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 22 2015, 11:51 pm

r1 wrote:

I would be really scared to opt out of it, gives the wrong impression and sets u up for a lot more trouble from what I understand

Thank you, r1. Compliance, yes them to death, seem eager to please and improve. That was my gut reaction and still my thoughts. I just hope dh doesn't mess us up with his agressive attitude. Monday morning will be the first time he is meeting the cps agent.

I'm just curious, r1. You seem to have quite a bit of knowledge on the workings of CPS. Did you, or someone you know, have first hand experience with them or know someone that has worked there?

amother

Coral

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 7:27 am

I would go along with the program, but also retain really good counsel, just in case you need it. CPS has ridiculous power (some of which ought to be unconstitutional) and you want to have someone on your side who knows exactly what to do at each step.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 7:40 am

Thank you! The lady is coming this morning. I know everything is as perfect as it can get but I'm still freaking out. We plan on contacting a local community organization right after, who will be able to counsel us or even hopefully make this go away.

myself

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 8:08 am

Good luck OP. I hope it all turns out much better than expected. Wishing you well.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 8:46 am

I wasn't going to reply initially because I am still freaked out by my own experience a few years ago and just talking about it triggers PTSD. But I see that I can reply anonymously so here goes. I had a similar incident a few years ago but I did have to go through an investigation because there was a real incident that they were looking into. B"H the investigator was really nice and let the investigation go after she heard my side of the story. Following that, we had 2 visits from the caseworker. It was stressful, however, she did give us advance notice of when she was coming, and she barely stayed for 15 minutes. I just made sure the house should be tidied up - it does not have to be perfect - and while it did obviously disturb my afternoon and was quite uncomfortable, it didn't really take away from my time with the kids (though I have to admit I did have a helper here at the time). The only time it was super stressful was the initial visit when I was rattled to my core and terrified. But once we had passed the investigation and she simply did 2 follow-up visits I knew to be prepared and had spoken to the children to make sure they understood what kinds of questions they might be asked and that in their childish naivete they shouldn't reply quite literally in a way that could be misconstrued (that was a far bigger fear for me than having the caseworker simply watching my interaction with the kids). Believe me, they aren't out there to try to take your kids away or anything. They are supposedly there to help you to find more community resources etc. If you are cheerful, natural, interact with your kids calmly, and tell her with a smile that you have plenty of community support, it should BEz"H go smoothly. (A few cents in the pushkeh and a candle for Menachem Mendel ben Yosef should also help).... Just be natural and don't stress out. treat her like a friend instead of an adversary and hopefully it should go ok. There's no point in rejecting this and opting for an investigation. An investigation is far more intrusive and stressful, esp when there's nothing to investigate. an "investigation" - aside from meeting with an actual investigator! - means that they called all my kids' schools, my relatives, my therapist, etc. to ask all about me. wasn't pleasant. But B"H she got only positive reports and that helped a lot.

I'm not sure if the FAR program means more frequent visit than the 2 post-investigation visits entailed. That can definitely be stressful; you don't have the mental energy to have a state worker look over your shoulder on your every move and make her comments/suggestions. But just try to nod, smile, and agree with her, and not take it to heart. Btw, my caseworker totally understood how a Jewish house is run, and even told me she would not come during chanukah so as not to disturb the chanukah lecht, and she came early on Friday afternoon so as not to interfere with erev Shabbos prep. If you live in a frum area, most of the caseworkers are well versed in cultural appropriateness.

There's no reason to volunteer any extra information that the caseworker doesn't ask for. Just answer all her questions politely, truthfully, with a smile, and try to project an air of confidence. If your children need you in the meantime, excuse yourself politely and tell her that you will be back with her soon. I can see how you're worried about this, bc silly minor incidents can raise their eyebrows - such as when one of my kids had a full blown tantrum because he had to transition from one activity to the next and the caseworker asked me if he always reacts like that and if he ever hits his siblings when he gets mad. I rolled my eyes inwardly - which kid never tantrums? But thankfully because I exuded an aura of confidence, it was smoothed over.

Much hatzlocha! This is every mother's nightmare, and something I'm still working to shake. For a while I really doubted myself as a mother and it really affected my self confidence and my ability to make decisions for my kids. It's not fun.

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:26 am

I work in a related field...
Love everything mustard said!
know that the far program sounds annoying but it means that -- they found nothing bad so they just want to do their job and help u out a bit so they can say they handled ur case.
Unless cv something really bad happens (u or ur husband act out of control or u are really irresponsible) she's there by visits to record normal interactions, like if ur kid had a tantrum u react in a normal way.
Just know that ur a great NORMAL mom and that's what they want to see. U and ur kids can be in pajamas, the dishes from lunch don't have to be all washed etc.
Most important thing is that u should be calm and in control. Ur a great mom, don't doubt it.
This will be the least painful way to make it go away.

Ps. Make sure to prep ur husband- this is not the time to tell about the crazy neighbor that said a lie blah blah. He should just tell her what she wants to hear. About how ur kids are loved and cared for in a responsible way. How u manage well and are financially responsible( not like retirement but like day to day)

Hatzlacha! Iyh this will be over soon.