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Would you tell the mother?



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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:53 am
I stopped off at someone's house this morning who babysits. The kids were playing in the living room and she was busy cooking in the kitchen. They were totally out of her sight and she wasn't interacting with them at all. She was also playing non-Jewish music. I'm friends with the mother of one of the kids and trying to decide if I should tell her. She's very yeshivish and I know the music at least would bother her. WWYD?
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yksraya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 12:01 pm
Regarding to the music, I think if it bothers your friend she should've asked around about the hashkafic background of babysitter etc. It's her job not yours. and it can be a halachic problem as your not allowed to make another jew lose his job.

Regarding the cooking in the kitchen, if the kids were safe and not in any danger, let it go, perhaps she just fixed dinner quickly and then was gonna interact with the kids. Kids don't need 24/7 entertainment and it's ok of they play by themselves for a short while. As long as she keeps an eye at them that they are safe.

however, if there was a danger issue, neglact etc, then yes you should say something.
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nursemomma




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 12:28 pm
IMHO, yes do tell her. Imagine this would be your child, would you want to be told?
Forget about the music, leaving children alone is a safety issue.
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simchat




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 12:54 pm
Depends how 'alone' they were. I don't think it's humanly possible to babysit a bunch of kids without an assistant and never leave them alone for a minute or two - making lunch, bathroom etc... If she's within earshot and they're in a safe environment (baby gates, cabinet locks, no choking or any other hazards), I don't see the problem. I don't bring my kids in the kitchen with me when I'm cooking, do you? As for the music, was it kid music? Most people wouldn't mind some nursery rhymes playing in the background. Obviously if it's a raucous band singing trashy songs, it's a different story...

I think you just need to ask yourself - are you just looking for problems, or are these genuine concerns? Because, yes, by telling mom, you are potentially costing someone her job.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 1:35 pm
If they were playing in a safe zone with no danger issues like steps around then I wouldn't worry.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 1:54 pm
She is getting paid to watch the children. These are young children and babies, and require supervision. Not the kind of supervision you do while cooking dinner. It's a job. I don't get to cook dinner while working, do you? This is her job and she needs to be supervising the children. If all the children are napping, then she gets the benefit of being able to cook. But not if they are awake.
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Sadie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:19 pm
observer wrote:
She is getting paid to watch the children. These are young children and babies, and require supervision. Not the kind of supervision you do while cooking dinner. It's a job. I don't get to cook dinner while working, do you? This is her job and she needs to be supervising the children. If all the children are napping, then she gets the benefit of being able to cook. But not if they are awake.


Ridiculous. I work as a nanny. When I am cooking dinner for the kids I don't bring them all into the kitchen with me. I keep an ear out for loud screams and unsettling quiet. I do not keep my eyes on them every second I am with them and neither does their mother.

I also don't bring them into the bathroom with me.
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HelloG




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:37 pm
observer wrote:
She is getting paid to watch the children. These are young children and babies, and require supervision. Not the kind of supervision you do while cooking dinner. It's a job. I don't get to cook dinner while working, do you? This is her job and she needs to be supervising the children. If all the children are napping, then she gets the benefit of being able to cook. But not if they are awake.

Doesn't a babysitter get paid half the amount that u do when she babysits in her own home? Isn't this the reason? That she gets to do her own thing in the meantime.....
I'm just speculating. Not familiar cuz I dont work
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:41 pm
Maybe she was preparing food for the kids, not herself.

If the home is baby proofed, then the kids can easily be left for a few minutes while she is in an adjacent room. Don't you do the same?

Many of my yeshivish friends have no problem with secular kiddie music. Frum or not frum, it's all annoying to listen to. Wink
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:49 pm
I think its expected that a babysitter who is working out of her home will cook and throw in a load of laundry while watching the kids.

(that's why the going rate is $5 an hour)
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:53 pm
My neighbor has a licensed in-home day care, which I have visited during the work day. The only time she puts on a video is while she sets up the kitchen for lunch. It takes a few minutes to heat up all the meals sent by the families, faster if the children are in the next room enjoying video time. Is it possible you saw something like this?
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 3:19 pm
How many kids?
Was she out of earshot?
Was it heavy metal or baby movement music?
Was it light cooking or a gormet meal?
We're the children happy?
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 4:52 pm
If you're already in another room from the kids probably a good idea to have no music on at all (kosher or not) so that you can hear everything going on in the other room.

I don't know what the right answer is, but if I were the mom I'd appreciate you telling me.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Nov 24 2015, 11:13 am
I don't get the question...
If she isn't doing her job as described/promised and potentially putting kids in danger then maybe she SHOULD lose her job!
As a mom I would rather you told me and I could "pop in" one day or make a honest assessment-how far is the kitchen, how safe are the surroundings, are there assistants...
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 24 2015, 11:32 am
amother wrote:
I don't get the question...
If she isn't doing her job as described/promised and potentially putting kids in danger then maybe she SHOULD lose her job!
As a mom I would rather you told me and I could "pop in" one day or make a honest assessment-how far is the kitchen, how safe are the surroundings, are there assistants...


This really doesn't seem like an unsafe situation. Maybe there is more to it but it just sounds like the babysitter was cooking while the kids were playing.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 25 2015, 9:59 am
Sadie wrote:
Ridiculous. I work as a nanny. When I am cooking dinner for the kids I don't bring them all into the kitchen with me. I keep an ear out for loud screams and unsettling quiet. I do not keep my eyes on them every second I am with them and neither does their mother.


Depends what the setup is. I am not referring to a nanny in someone's home. I am referring to a babysitter that watches 5-6-7 children from different families. The expectation is that she is watching the children the whole time. It's a lot of children and parents are sending under the assumption that there will be full supervision at all times. Obviously, she can run to the bathroom if the children are safe. But to cook dinner or put up laundry is shirking her responsibilities. Unless all the kids are napping.

That's what she is getting paid to do. By many families.

And if you really think there's nothing wrong with it, there should be no issue with the OP telling her friend, the mom.
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 25 2015, 10:16 am
Don't get involved
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 25 2015, 10:32 am
the only thing I can come up with is the music making it difficult to hear if there is something going on. I would ask the babysitter how she can hear the kids if the music is on. but dont ask in a way to make her feel uncomfortable. just curiosity. listen to what she has to say. dont judge until you know how she runs her thing. and dont get other pp involved befor eyou know whats really going on. nothing here is off to me.
I dont think you can expect a woman that is home babysiutting your kid for $5 an hour to only look at your kid. you yourself do things when your kids are around. so why cant she? its understood that bringing your kid to a babysitter is way different then when they come to you. thats why you are paying alot more. they come only for your kids.
where I used to live , my sister hired babysitters for her kids and they did lite housekeeping. folding laundry washing some breakfast dishes, going to the store for some items if weather permitted. ironing, mending. I have heard from freinds some of these things. be realistic you cant have someone just looking at your kid all day. they will get burnt out very quickly.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 25 2015, 10:39 am
sourstix wrote:
the only thing I can come up with is the music making it difficult to hear if there is something going on. I would ask the babysitter how she can hear the kids if the music is on. but dont ask in a way to make her feel uncomfortable. just curiosity. listen to what she has to say. dont judge until you know how she runs her thing. and dont get other pp involved befor eyou know whats really going on. nothing here is off to me.
I dont think you can expect a woman that is home babysiutting your kid for $5 an hour to only look at your kid. you yourself do things when your kids are around. so why cant she? its understood that bringing your kid to a babysitter is way different then when they come to you. thats why you are paying alot more. they come only for your kids.
where I used to live , my sister hired babysitters for her kids and they did lite housekeeping. folding laundry washing some breakfast dishes, going to the store for some items if weather permitted. ironing, mending. I have heard from freinds some of these things. be realistic you cant have someone just looking at your kid all day. they will get burnt out very quickly.


That's very different than if they are watching 5-6-7-8 kids. If you has quintuplets, you wouldn't do other things either. (Till they are past the infant toddler stage)
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