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Am I incompetent?

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imasoftov

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 5:03 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

I always read threads here in which women describe themselves as working full time, no cleaning help, bake their own challahs, never buy take out, iron all their own clothes, do carpool everyday, have a bunch of kids,etc...

I usually skip those threads

finallyamommy

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 5:45 am

Bleh. No kids yet, not working (stopped working to focus on fertility treatments, a full-time job in itself!), and I still barely have myself/the house together. You're not incompetent - I am Wink

finallyamommy

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 5:45 am

And I agree with the previous poster - skip the superwoman-type threads.

HelloG

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 7:09 am

I'm just like you OP,
Guess what I think when I read all those threads ,
"Lucky me"
Very simple

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:05 am

AmGold wrote:

I'm just like you OP,
Guess what I think when I read all those threads ,
"Lucky me"
Very simple

I also think lucky me, but im a worrier, so then I start to worry what if I stop being so lucky? How would I manage?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:10 am

chani8 wrote:

I was going along with your self-critique until you mentioned that you're nursing a baby.

It was the same when I wasnt nursing a baby 😕

gp2.0

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:34 am

Yes, I know people who work three jobs, bake their own challos, host guests etc. They are amazing. I am in awe of them and consider them inspirations. I asked them how they manage. They said "no sleep and lots of caffeine."

No thanks, I'd rather not run myself into the ground by purposely denying myself something as basic as sleep. I'm too selfish for that. *evil*

Btw OP if I listed all the things I don't do you'd realize you're more competent than I am. For example you said you tidy the kitchen every night. Well if I tidy the kitchen at night (maybe twice a month) I am SO PROUD and feel so accomplished. So there's a range of competence. Wink

I guarantee that I am less competent than you in many ways, and probably more competent than you in other ways. Focus on your strengths and be the best you can be. Everyone else doesn't matter.

amother

Copper

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:37 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

In the mornings I make breakfast, get kids ready for school, make husband lunch, bathe baby, go on errands until 1:00ish, eat lunch, housework, paperwork, make phone calls,cook supper, serve supper, do homework, bath time, bedtime, clean up house. In between I am taking care of and nursing a baby. Like I said, I am busy all day. On cleaning lady days, we are both busy all day.

So you enjoy a fair bit of leisure time. That's fine as long as your family is doing well and your dh is happy.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:55 am

gp2.0 wrote:

I guarantee that I am less competent than you in many ways, and probably more competent than you in other ways. Focus on your strengths and be the best you can be. Everyone else doesn't matter.

Thanks for your kind words! Yours and everybody else's reassurance definitely makes me feel better. After reading this site I was beginning to think that I was the ONLY person in the world that had cleaning help, didn't work, bought challah and dips, and didn't whip up nutritious suppers out of water and beans which they shopped for in the cheapest supermarket, because they go to six supermarkets a week to get the best prices on everything!

However, most people are missing the point! I don't feel incompetent. I feel accomplished. I always tell my self that if I was being productive all day, than I am doing a good job. I think I'm a good mom and wife. My house is fairly neat and clean to the naked eye. (Although really the dishes should always be washed, the laundry always folded, and th floors always swept.) my kids, myself and my husband are dressed well. I make breakfast, lunch, and supper. I am efficient and organized about grocery shopping and supper. I go walking and accomplish errands every day. I play with and listen to my kids, do homework with them, bathe them and get them to bed...
It's just that things are not perfect, and they should be.

Also, I worry so much that if I have to go to work and stop having help, everything would fall apart.

Mostly, I just wonder how there are so many superwomen out there. It's not that I want to be them, im happy with the way I am. What bothers me is that I can't be like them even of I wanted to be or needed to be!

bigsis144

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 9:16 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

And why is my op getting likes?

Because I'm just like you!

lfab

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 9:39 am

Also, I think many people may come off as sounding much more competent and put together on an anonymous online forum than they really are.

amother

Peach

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 9:48 am

I would be grateful to hashem for all that you can do bh ! It sounds like your husband and children are very happy bh! Who needsto be " super women" it doesn't say that in the Torah! Stop Comparing yourself to others! You sound like a wonderful wife and mother bh! Have confidence in your self!!!!! 😊

amother

Lilac

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 10:26 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

Ur not incompetent. Sounds like ur doing normal things at a leisurely pace. You probably just need time management help if u want to get things done faster and pack more into it day. But if ur happy with things, why bother.

Im a stay at home mom now and my day was probably a lot like urs but I got help for maximizing my time and I get more done that way. It def feels more rushed though.

I'm just wondering, do you really have to go run errands for a few hours a day? I dunno, I usually only one or two errands a week and try to get them done in one day. Maybe this would help?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 11:00 am

amother wrote:

I run errands for a few hours a day for a few reasons. 1) my baby won't nap in the house and then he goes crazy. Like this he gets a long nap in the mornings and the rest of the day is manageable 2) walking is my daily exercise

Also, what do you consider errands? For me it means grocery, cleaners, bank, sock store, dr appt, shopping, dressmaker , repairs, manicure, staples, target, amazing savings, shipping packages... Basically, anything I need to do out of the house.

Mandolin

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 12:01 pm

You are not incompetent. You are just differently competent. I'm sure you have qualities that some other people lack.

I am similar. I'm not good at organization. It's almost like I am missing that brain function. embarrassed

I am organized in an inorganized way. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. You are probably more together than me.

Be wary of the Internet perceptions of people. How they present themselves and what is really going on in their lives can be very different. I have seen people who have presented themselves as being so in love and having the perfect marriage and then end up divorcing without ever mentioning they had any issues before. Things aren't always what they seem.

And if they are, well good for them. Self improvement is always good but don't compare yourself. I don't know how some people do it, either.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 12:58 pm

Iirc, op, you just had a baby! Please cut yourself more slack. Some say give yourself six months. I say at least a year.

ra_mom

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 1:07 pm

You're not incompetent. I find that each individual puts their strength into different areas.
You're doing what needs to get done and doing it well. Pat yourself on the back!

observer

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 2:06 pm

I think that women that work full time have to prioritize more. So they may skip the manicure or amazing savings, and their repairs or tailoring may not get done as frequently. So of course you are filling up your time, but some of it is extras that you might cut out if you were working full time.

Also, as others said, different people have different strengths, abilities, energy levels, and staminas. And need different amounts of sleep. There are so many individual differences even when situations seem similar.

tichellady

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 4:45 pm

[quote="observer"]I think that women that work full time have to prioritize more. So they may skip the manicure or amazing savings, and their repairs or tailoring may not get done as frequently. So of course you are filling up your time, but some of it is extras that you might cut out if you were working full time]

totally true. These are things I only do on vacation. during the week I will grocery shop and maybe go to the bank every other month. have not been to target or a tailor in years. I have lists of things to take care of when I have a day off.

Raisin

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:22 pm

If OP needs to exercise and take the baby out every day, there is no need to consolidate all her errands into one or two days.

Working mothers also probably do things like order groceries, clothing and other stuff online to save time.

I don't actually see where you factor in any leisure time. (I hope you do)

I'm also guessing your house is a lot cleaner and neater then others, even if it may not seem so.

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